The John Tesh Blog

Should you give your boss a gift for Christmas?

Boy- dicey question, huh? I mean- on one hand, you are fortunate to work for a great company, it's more of a team atmosphere- everyone really pulling for each other- than you've ever had in a workplace, and the boss? Revered, respected, and quite admired by everyone. This is a manager who is thoughtful, an active listener to employees, quick to defend and slow to accuse. Well- easy, then! Find a fabulous gift, and put extra care in its wrapping.

So how about the rest of "not so revered" managers- gift or not? Well, here's the other hand: what if times have been tough at the office lately? There's a different culture than the one where it's a no-brainer to give a gift. New manager? Indifferent manager? Or how about a manager with whom you've had some antagonistic moments...now you're wondering if it'll make you look bad not to give a gift. MSN Careers hands out the should you, or shouldn't you when it comes to gift giving to the boss.

Employees who bestow a gift on their boss could be perceived as jockeying for position for special treatment, or they might feel pressured to spend more than they want. There's also a risk of buying a totally inappropriate gift, which could create an uncomfortable atmosphere at the office. And many managers say lavish gifts from workers put them in a bad position because they feel pressured to reciprocate but don't want to be perceived as showing favoritism.

"There are entire industries where giving a boss a gift is an ethics violation," explains Jodi R. R. Smith, a former human resource professional and owner of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting, including some banks , mutual fund firms, government offices and nonprofits. "If you are new to a company, it is imperative to read the employee handbook ASAP."

You might think in this economy that there are few employees who want to give a gift to a manager who has furloughed them, slashed their benefits or has them doing the work of two people because of downsizing. But, apparently, many of us are still in a giving mood.

According to a survey by online savings site AskDeals.com, 31 percent of those polled said they would give their boss a gift if they received one from the boss. But of those, 11 percent said they would be expecting a raise in return.

That kind of thinking is what gets workers who give a present to their managers in trouble.

Besides making a shambles of the whole spirit-of-giving concept, if you expect something in return, and the gift isn't as a result of a good relationship that you have with your manager, the gesture may be perceived as insincere.

But even when there is a comfortable, mutually respecting relationship between employee and manager, gift giving could be a costly adventure in a tough economic environment- whether on the boss's end, or the employee's.

To keep any gift-giving issues at bay, some firms have established Secret Santa or white elephant programs. About 40 percent of firms are planning Secret Santa or grab bag events this year, according to a survey by recruiting firm Battalia Winston, and many with a cap on how much to spend- $25, $10, or less.

But even gift exchanges and group gifting can have their pitfalls.

"Allowing group gifts to the boss could place some employees in an uncomfortable position if they do not want to participate," said Charles Wilson, an employment attorney with Epstein Becker Green Wickliff & Hall. "This can be viewed by others as not being a 'team player.' Further, soliciting for group gifts in the workplace may violate the company's non-solicitation policy, which could create an opening for a union's solicitation."

Overall, Wilson advised against the whole gift-giving ritual at work because:

• Gift giving can also create the perception of favoritism between certain managers and employees, which can lead to claims of harassment or discrimination.
  
• Certain gifts may be offensive to a manager's religious beliefs, which could be viewed negatively by the manager.
  
• The negative perceptions of the manager could be carried out in his or her next disciplinary decision.

While this advice may sound like a holiday buzz kill, there are ways you can acknowledge your appreciation of a boss, if indeed you do appreciate them.

For example, author Aubrey Daniels, author of "OOPS! 13 Management Practices That Waste Time and Money", suggests a handwritten note of thanks for a boss you feel really deserves to be acknowledged. "You can say, 'Happy holidays' and 'Thanks for the support you've given me,' " he said.

If it's been a long-standing tradition at your company to buy managers presents, especially costly ones, economic conditions today provide for the perfect excuse to bow out this year, Daniels advised. Since most managers make more than their employees, he added, it would be unreasonable for a supervisor not to understand. "Any boss that expects a gift is not a good boss," he maintained.

It's a little bit of each side, here, and you are the one- the only one- to make the decision right for you, so give some careful thought before you go one way or another.

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

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A Christmas gift to yourself this year could be the best yet.

 Wait a minute- this is the season of giving to others, right? Just talked about the health benefits of charitable giving yesterday, too, and they're enormous! But without taking anything away from the altruistic side of your life- guess what? You might be the most charitable entity of all- in your own life.

Are you struggling to gain the health benefits of losing weight? Maybe you've tried- unsuccessfully, sadly, to quit smoking, or drinking too much. Or it might just be that tried and true- and still wildly wicked- STRESS and ANXIETY that's getting the better of you. Giving time and resources to worthwhile organizations- this whole idea of serving others- has been proven by spiritual leaders, psychologists, and, as we learned yesterday, even scientists. But running yourself ragged to meet one more volunteer is not healthy, and could have an impact you aren't able to recognize. Dr. Philip Heit is Professor Emeritus of Physical Activity and Educational Services at The Ohio State University, and advises that with the holidays coming up, it's time to commit to the importance of valuing our own health so we can better help others. Put these ideas on your own gift list this year:

1. Food for thought.

It's well documented that good, daily nutrition is necessary for a strong immune system, less illness, and overall good health. Here's your first gift to yourself, and it's free: log on to www.mypyramid.gov to receive nutritional advice that will help to improve the quality and longevity of your health. You can get information online to help plan meals, achieve your goals, as well as receive feedback on the food you already eat.

2. Avoid heartache.

It's more than OK to have a good heart, and a desire to give to others; just don't ignore your own heart health. Commit to yourself on New Year's Eve to sign up (and complete!) a 5K, or even a 10K walking or running event (maybe one for your favorite charity!), or look for a community club nearby where you can get some coaching as well as companionship with others whose goals are similar to yours.

3. One a day may keep the doctor away.

It's a fairly safe bet that for many people, getting the recommended amount of vitamins and minerals by following a healthy diet doesn't happen without some help. Just think about the people in your life. How many people eat lean and healthy meals and snacks day in, and day out? Additionally, as we age, our body has a harder time absorbing key nutrients from food such as vitamin B-12, which reduces the risk of anemia, and vitamin D, which aids in the absorption of calcium. For these reasons, taking a daily multivitamin may be a wise move. According to Dr. Michael Roizen of the Cleveland Clinic Wellness Institute (and a favorite author and source for the Radio Show), taking a daily multivitamin is like having an insurance policy against an imperfect diet. And an added bonus? Inexpensive multivitamins can provide the same value for your body as a more expensive one (leaving you with a little more cash for your monthly food pantry donation!)

4. Treat yourself.

Ah...now to the gifting to yourself part. And you just did- if you can follow the three steps above. Or maybe there's a more tangible reward you'd like to give yourself to help you reach your goals, like joining a health club, or subscribing to your favorite health magazine. Remember that phrase, "Charity begins at home"? How about a fresher, new meaning; caring for your own health first enables you to be able to give more to others later- a gift the world around you will appreciate.

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

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Give a little? Get a lot.

Can you remember how hard it was to hear your parents say, as you were growing up, "Well, it's better to give, than to receive..." WHAT? How can that be better? Well, science- how about that- has proven what's really in it for you! Stephen Post, PhD, and Jill Neimark are the authors of Why Good Things Happen to Good People, and give us the guide to what you get for your giving, you holiday elf:

It's The Thought That Counts

Just thinking about generosity boosts your immunity. When Harvard students watched a film about Mother Teresa tending to orphans, the number of protective antibodies in their saliva surged; when the students were asked to focus on times when they'd been loved by or loving to others, their antibody levels stayed elevated for an hour. In another study, the brain's pleasure centers lit up when people made check marks next to a list of organizations to which they wanted to donate.

Lend an Ear, Help Your Heart

Being generous with your attention can reduce your risk of heart attack. Cardiac arrest is highly correlated with the amount of self-reference ("I," "me," "my") in a person's speech. The best advice? Listen to and connect with others- OH. How about what we talked about yesterday- LISTENING to those around you to avoid bickering. Social ties lower your risk of dying from heart disease.

Lend a Hand, Lower Your Pain

People suffering from chronic pain report decreased intensity, and less disability and depression, when they reach out to others in similar pain. In one study, pain was reduced by 13 percent. Scientists believe the release of endorphins explains the phenomenon.

Goodness Nose

In a study conducted at Carnegie Mellon University, people who were socially connected reported catching fewer colds. Volunteering is, of course, one of the simplest ways to connect.

Love Heals Some Wounds

In a 2005 Ohio State University study, married couples were given tiny blisters on two occasions. During the first visit, they talked to each other supportively; during the second, they hashed out relationship conflicts. The blisters took a day longer to heal after the second visit, and two days longer in couples with high levels of anger.

The Magic Touch

There's an off switch for the adrenal gland's production of the stress hormone cortisol: massage. A study that recruited retirees to give massages showed that their cortisol—as well as their anxiety and depression—levels dropped significantly.

Do you see an opportunity here, in these last days of the 2009 holiday season to spread some warmth, pay it forward, show your love? Then take it, in good health, my friend!

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.