The John Tesh Blog

Time to ask for a raise at work? Maybe. Maybe not.

Review time at the office...well, that might be a walk in the park, or an experience that has you indulging in that old habit you USED to have of biting your nails. And then it's done, and you can breathe a sigh of relief for another year.

But what about a hard-working employee who's gotten glowing reviews, yet nary a hike in pay for a loooonnnng time? Come on! You deserve a raise...don't you? Let's go- get in there, and demand what you know you deserve. Uh...yeah. Asking for a raise is never easy, and the current state of the economy makes it even more nerve-wracking. But Careerbuilder.com's Rachel Zupek says that asking for a raise you know you deserve doesn’t have to be as torturous as you might think — especially if the timing is right.

“If your performance and the quantifiable results from your initiatives have exceeded expectations and have resulted in X increase in profits, Y cost savings, Z brand expansion or customer base … then move forward,” says Marshal Backlar, president of Backlar Consultants. But remember, says Backlar, that timing is everything here. "Knowing your company’s culture and climate, and your boss’s mood and confidence, will enable you to choose your time well. Just as important, you must understand and respond to the ‘them’ part of the equation.”

So, assuming that you meet all the requirements of deserving a raise, and you don’t just want one, when you choose to present your case is key. If you needed to borrow money from your parents, for example, you wouldn’t want to ask them right after they’d just shelled out $1,000 toward your tuition, would you? Probably not.

The same principle applies when asking your boss for more money. You can’t just waltz into your boss’s office and say, “Hey, I think I deserve a raise.” You need to plan and prepare for the discussion.

While the most logical time to discuss a raise is during your performance review, it could be beneficial to talk with your supervisor about the issue before your next evaluation rolls around. Especially if you’ve just had a major accomplishment that benefits the company and your annual review is still nine months away. Whatever you do, make sure you tell your boss you’d like to schedule a time to discuss your compensation. The last thing you want to do is catch him or her by surprise, which can often result in defensiveness.

Here are a few opportune times to consider asking for a raise:

• The company just received good news. If the company just got good news, such as landing a new client or  signing a $500,000 deal, it might be a good time to broach the topic of a raise — especially if you played a role in the news. If you scored a new client or landed a big deal, you’ll be able to make a strong case regarding your contribution to the company.
• You just completed a major project. If you’ve just successfully completed a major project, it’s a great time to meet with your boss to talk salary. Again, your case will be strengthened by your accomplishment. Just be sure to schedule the meeting at a time when you know he or she won’t be overwhelmed with deadlines.
• You’re given more responsibility or a new position. If you’re doing more in terms of your job duties, it’s only fair that you would be compensated for it. While that seems logical to you, it might not make sense to your boss, so it’s up to you to bring it up if he or she doesn’t. The next time your boss gives you additional responsibility, ask if you can also discuss more money to go along with those duties. Just be sure to give reasons why you think those undertakings deserve a higher compensation.

When not to ask for a raise:

• End of the fiscal year. This is probably one of the worst times to ask for a raise. Why? Most managers are preparing their budgets for the next year or completing finance reports — aka, figuring out how they spent their money — for the past year. Asking for money during this time will stress your manager out and may affect whether or not you get that raise.
• After mass layoffs. If your company recently laid off employees, there’s a pretty good chance that it is struggling and looking for ways to cut cost. That means you’re going to have trouble getting a raise.
• If your company has been hit hard by the economy. Be sensitive to things like how the economy has affected your company or how your company is doing financially.  If your company is in the red (or fighting like heck to stay out of it), it’s not likely you’ll get more money, no matter how good you are or how hard you work.

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

Want a simpler life? Easy-peasy.

I like Real Simple. Can you guess why? They plunk down these fantastic ways to simplify our lives- as a rule! Good stuff, huh? So here are 14 shortcuts to everyday life:

Run Errands

“Plan the order of your stops in a clockwise direction,” advises Susan Hamersky, owner of the Los Angeles–based errand company California Concierge. “That way, you avoid all the time-consuming left turns.” Also, schedule your errands so you can drop things off on your way out and pick them up on your way home, says Dan McMackin, a spokesman for UPS and a former driver. Keep a cooler in your car for perishables, too. Then a stop at the market doesn’t have to be immediately followed by a run home to the refrigerator, says Julie Hagenmaier, founder and CEO of My Girl Friday, an errand company in Cincinnati.

Dry Your Tears

“I stick my head in the freezer for a couple of seconds after I cut onions,” says Todd Ginsberg, a chef at Manhattan's Alain Ducasse Restaurant, at the Essex House. Cold air stops the tears and reduces redness and puffiness by constricting blood vessels, explains ophthalmologist Marguerite B. McDonald, a professor at the Tulane University School of Medicine, in New Orleans. If you’re not in the kitchen, try dabbing―not rubbing―away the wetness. Then use an over-the-counter eye whitener to get the red out, or disguise it with blue eyeliner. “Draw a line on the inner lower rims of your eyes,” McDonald says. “Blue will make your eyes look whiter.”

Keep a Journal

If the last entry in your diary is a cryptic scribble from 2003, stop writing and start printing―e-mails, that is. Since you’re probably already summarizing your life in e-mails to your friends and family, print them out and paste them on the pages of a blank notebook, suggests Oriah Mountain Dreamer, author of What We Ache For: Creativity and the Unfolding of Your Soul. “It’s like my yoga teacher once said about working out: ‘All you need to do is stretch for five minutes a day,’” Mountain Dreamer says. “Of course, once you get going, it feels so good, you’ll wind up doing more.”

Turn Day Wear Into Evening Wear

Work is over, and you're ready for cocktails. Transform your office self for a night out with these tools.

• An extra pair of earrings. Always have two pairs―one small and one dangly. You can also attach clip-on earrings to your pumps.
• A lightweight shawl. "It's an easy new focal point for your outfit," says fashion consultant Leah Feldon, author of Does This Make Me Look Fat?: The Definitive Rules for Dressing Thin for Every Height, Size, and Shape.
• A fancy pair of pumps. Or a pair of strappy sandals.
• Black eyeliner. For a smoky look, line your outer rims close to the lash lines, then smudge with a cotton swab, says New York City makeup artist Mally Roncal.
• A peachy cream blush. "The color will uplift your cheeks and eyelids," says New York City makeup artist Lea Siegel.
• Guys: If work doesn't require a suit or jacket, keep one in your car. That's pretty simple.

Get Cut Flowers to Bloom

First try cutting the stems at an angle, then placing the bouquet in warm water. If that doesn’t work, use a blow-dryer with a diffuser to simulate the sunshine’s warmth, says Denis Chandler, the owner of Bloomsberry Flowers, in Wilmington, Delaware.

Speak a Foreign Language

¿No habla español? No problem. You don't need to complete a six-month course of elementary Spanish to make your way in Madrid. “Get a little pocket language book, and instead of attempting to learn the language, learn a few key phrases,” says Harold Jenkins, a Chicago-based travel agent and a frequent traveler. Elizabeth Lunney, cofounder of New York City's ABC Language Exchange, recommends Berlitz Phrasebooks because they’re “easy to navigate, come in many languages, and help with pronunciation.” Don George, global-travel editor for Lonely Planet, says the following words and phrases are the most useful: 

Hello
Good-bye
Yes
No
Please
Thank you
Excuse me
Sorry
Do you speak English?
I don’t understand.
How much?
I would like…
Where is…?
Train station
Bathroom

Get Your Daily Vitamins

Try a bowl of Total, says David Grotto, a registered dietitian in Evanston, Illinois, and a spokesman for the American Dietetic Association. The cereal is fortified with 100 percent of the daily value of 12 vitamins and minerals. Drink the milk, too―it will add even more vitamins, including those it washes off the cereal, Grotto says.

Buy Clothes Without Trying Them On

You have good reasons to avoid the dressing room―long lines and fluorescent lighting among them―so skip it altogether by sizing yourself up first at home, says designer Cynthia Rowley. Note how your favorite clothes look when you hold them to your body, and recall that when you're shopping. If the fabric of a pair of jeans or a skirt doesn't exactly meet the edge of your waistline when you hold it up, it won't fit correctly, Feldon says. And the next time you're in a hurry at the department store, remember this measurement trick from Rowley: The distance from the side of your neck to the tip of your fingers (on an outstretched arm) is about the same length as your inseam.

Cool Your Mouth After Spicy Food

When the innocent-looking red thing you swallowed with your kung pao chicken turns out to be a pepper with 350,000 Scoville units (in layman's terms: Ouch!), your first impulse is to reach for a glass of water. Don't. “That just spreads the heat around,” says Shawn Theriot, a quality-assurance manager and food technologist for McIlhenny Company, the maker of Tabasco Sauce. Instead, “eat a lot of bread or rice,” says Chuck Subra, chef at LaCôte Brasserie, in New Orleans, home of notoriously spicy Cajun food. Or try dairy products, like milk, sour cream, ice cream, yogurt, butter, or cheese―
the softer the better, says Theriot.

Thaw Meat

Whatever you do, don't zap it in the microwave, says Evan Lobel, owner of Lobel's butcher shop, in New York City. “It cooks the meat from the inside out, which removes moisture, retains the freezer aftertaste, and leaves your meat gritty.” Instead, he suggests, wrap your cuts in small, resealable packages before you freeze them―one steak, two lamb chops. Then, when dinner is just a couple of hours away and you haven't had time to thaw the main course in the refrigerator, soak it (bag and all) in cold water for about two hours. “Warm water is bad,” Lobel warns, “because the outside of the meat gets too warm and the inside won’t thaw”―not to mention that food-borne illnesses can breed that way.

Feed and Water Plants

Cut your watering time by as much as half by adding Osmocote ($12.75 for 3 pounds, growersupply.com) and Soil Moist ($15 for 1 pound, acehotline.com) to the soil when you pot your plants, says Amanda Welch, owner of Gardenista, a gardening company based in Trevilians, Virginia. Osmocote, a slow-release fertilizer, feeds plants with each watering, while Soil Moist, a water-retaining polymer, maintains moisture. Both products are available at garden centers. As a final touch, Welch suggests you pick up some hardwood mulch at the garden center and top your pots with it. It will hold in moisture and finish the look, she says.

Get to Know Someone

The quickest way to foster a bond with someone new is to keep your mouth shut, says Joan Lloyd, a Milwaukee consultant who teaches clients how to interview prospective employees. “Reflective listening- where you summarize what they say- is also very important,” adds Denise Winston, a professional matchmaker in New York City. A quick Internet search on your new friend will help you steer the conversation toward his areas of interest, says Adele Testani, cofounder of the speed-dating agency HurryDate.

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

The Perfect Comeback- yours to find.

Ever find yourself at the receiving end of another's hurtful or just plain obnoxious comments, walking away, only later to think of all the things you could have said but didn't at the time? That's not completely a bad thing. Reacting impulsively, and rudely yourself, isn't the most appropriate way to go in these situations. But handling yourself with confidence, and standing up to a bully's behavior, is entirely right. So for those cutting remarks, "helpful" suggestions, subtle (or not-so-subtle) stabs—how to handle these verbal ambushes? You can slink away, lose your cool…or use some strategy that Martha Beck, author of Rodale Publishing's Steering by Starlight, adapted from her martial arts class techniques to turn your attackers' words against them.

Principle 1- Find Your Fighting Stance

Every form of martial arts requires a fighting stance that's fluid, flexible, and centered. Standing this way makes you much less likely to lose your balance, and if someone jumps you, you can quickly duck or dodge in any direction without falling.

Physical fighting stances involve balance, alignment, weight distribution, and posture. A psychological fighting stance is all about emotional balance: self-acceptance, abiding by your own moral code (something you're probably doing anyway), forgiving yourself for failing to reach perfection (this is rarer), and, finally, offering yourself as much compassion as you'd give a beloved friend (I suspect some of us need work in this department). Simply put, you must never be mean to yourself.

This works because cruelty, to be effective, has to land on a welcoming spot in the victim's belief system. Many times, someone will only choose to mock another person over issues that person already is sensitive about. Otherwise, the barb will pretty much go unnoticed. If you don't already believe someone's insults on a certain level, they would leave you feeling puzzled but not devastated—the way Beck says she was when she learned that calling someone a "turtle's egg" is a horrific insult in China. The insulter really only looks foolish. And that leads to Beck's second principle.

Principle 2- Practice the Art of Invisibility

Beck recalls purchasing a book that promised to teach the ninja's fabled "art of invisibility," and was crestfallen to read that the first step in a technique called vanishing was "Wait until your opponent is asleep." The whole book was like that: Wait until your enemy is fast asleep, throw dust in his eyes, thump him on the head with a wok, then tiptoe away, forever. Hmmphh. Not a lot of possibility that you're going to be around your mean-spirited foe during their sleeping hours, and you're certainly not going to whomp anyone on the head with a pan.

But what Beck does recommend is using a form of this ninja technique for dealing with mean people. Get away from them, full stop. Sound extreme? It's not. Cruelty, whether physical or emotional, isn't normal. It may signal what psychologists call the dark triad of psychopathic, narcissistic, and Machiavellian personality disorders. One out of about every 25 individuals has an antisocial personality disorder. Their prognosis for recovery is zero, their potential for hurting you about 100 percent. So don't assume that a vicious person just had a difficult childhood or a terrible day; most people with awful childhoods end up being empathetic, and most people, even on their worst days, don't seek satisfaction by inflicting pain. When you witness evil, even if it is only a passing remark that the perpetrator thinks you're being way too sensitive about, learn to make yourself invisible. Wait for a distraction, then disappear.

But what are you to do if you're stuck with a mean family member, co-worker, or neighbor? Beck says that's when the martial arts of the mind really come in handy with:

Principle 3- Master Defensive Techniques

All martial arts teach strategies to deflect different attacks. One technique teaches to defend against a lapel grab with a punching combination called Crouching Falcon, follow that with a multiple-kick series known as Returning Viper, and finish with the sinisterly titled technique Die Forever. Beck jokingly discourages using a techniques that she herself made up and calls the Silent Sea Slug, which entails lying down and hoping things improve.

But she does encourage the use of a closely guarded martial arts secret: Although there are countless techniques, most fighters need only a few. For instance, judo star Ronda Rousey has clobbered numberless opponents using the Arm Bar technique. Her opponents know she’s going to do it, but that doesn’t keep her from snapping their elbows like dry spaghetti. Each good technique goes a long, long way. Here are a few, in order of degree of difficulty!

Yellow Belt Technique: Trumpet Melodiously

Beck is a lifelong fan of “Japlish,” English prose translated from the Japanese. One classic Japlish instruction, which Beck picked up from a car rental company, advised: “When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.”

Here, she borrows the phrase “trumpet him melodiously” for your first anti-meanness technique. It’s meant to nip hurtful behavior in the bud. Use it when someone—say a small child or an engineer—makes a remark that may or may not be intentionally cruel: “You smell like medicine,” “I can see through your pants,” “Why don’t you have a neck?”… You can trumpet him melodiously by saying, “Hey, dude, that’s kind of mean. Back off, okay?” If the behavior continues, tootle him with vigor by saying, “I’m serious. You’re out of line. Stop it.”

Practice these lines until you’re saying them in your sleep, with clear delivery, calm energy. Then, when you use them in real life, a normal person will react by immediately ceasing all hurtful behavior, and even mean people will be taken aback by your directness. They may even begin to behave themselves. Mission accomplished.

Brown Belt Technique: Zig-Zig

As a martial artist, Beck says you’ll need to get used to doing the opposite of whatever your enemies expect. For example, if someone were to push you backward, you might push back for a few seconds, then abruptly reverse, and pull your assailant in the direction he’s pushing. He’d be toppled by his own momentum.

This is zig-zigging. It works beautifully on mean people. They expect a fight-or-flight reaction from their victims—either angry pushback or slinking away. The one thing they don’t anticipate is relaxed discernment. Scuttle their plans by zigging instead of zagging, cheerfully accepting any accurate statement they might make while ignoring their malicious energy.

You can observe this technique in the movie Spanglish, when a young wife, played by Téa Leoni, lashes out at her mother, “You were an alcoholic and wildly promiscuous woman during my formative years, so I’m in this fix because of you!” As the mother, Cloris Leachman nods and says pleasantly, “You have a solid point, dear. But right now the lessons of my life are coming in handy for you.” This response stops the daughter cold, partly because it’s true and partly because it contains not a whiff of pushback. The mother zigs when the daughter expects her to zag. The result is peace.

Black Belt Anti-Meanness Technique: Wicked-Kind Parent

If you keep a balanced stance and surround yourself with normal people, you'll eventually master the black belt skill Beck calls Wicked-Kind Parent. Mean people are adept at taking the tone of a critical parent, making others unconsciously regress into weak, worried children. To use this defense, refuse to be infantilized. Instead, use the only thing that trumps the emotional power of a bad parent: the emotional power of a good one. Someone throws you a zinger at the office for how many birthday candles are on your cake (many!)? Try this:

"Now, (fill in your nemesis' name)," you might say in your best parent voice, "that kind of  petty meanness doesn't become you. Show us all you can do better." Call on the good-parent energy to tap a great resource: normal people. Kind people. Outplayed and outnumbered, Mr. Zinger will fade into the background pretty quickly, leaving you to enjoy your birthday. This is virtually always the outcome when a mental martial artist encounters a Mean Guy. If you choose the way of the warrior, it will happen for you.

Principle 4- Walk the Way of the Warrior

Being a martial artist is a way of life. You can't use your skills in an emergency unless you practice them every day. And such daily practice may lead to unexpected adventures. You’ll no longer watch helplessly as some Mean Guy plays the "joke card" again at someone's expense- especially if you happen to be the target. Where your pre-warrior self might have simply wilted, your warrior self can now speak up or, if it's you- walk away.

This may require drastic changes in your life. Are you ready for that? Ask yourself if meanness has pushed you to the point of anger or despair. Then you are. You are if you want to be the change you wish to see in the world. You can begin today. Adopt the stance of dauntless self-acceptance, avoid combat when possible, and practice your techniques until they become second nature. Or wait for your co-worker to take a nap at the desk.

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.