The John Tesh Blog

The Power of a Thank You Note

Do you remember the last person who sent you a thank you note? I bet you do. That’s the power of a note of appreciation.

Saying “thank you” in a note may be a thing of the past to some.  A recent survey found 48% of adults say they only “sometimes” hear people say “please” and “thank you” verbally. 

Writing a thank you card is not as easy as you think.  Several important questions are often raised:

Are electronic thank you cards okay?  You’ve received one of  those cute email thank you’s with their catchy tunes and animated dancing hippos?  They’re fun to receive but it’s not the same as choosing a card at the card store, writing it out by hand and dropping the envelope into a mailbox. 

Wouldn’t you rather receive a well thought out message, written on good stationery?  It says a lot about how the other person feels about you. 

When is the proper time to send a thank you note? Here’s a list of those times when you should be sending out a thank-you.

•Wedding gifts.
•For sympathy letters and flowers.
•To the hostess after a party that was hosted in your honor.
•For bridal or baby shower gifts.
•For gifts that were received by mail.
•After being entertained by your boss.
•Gifts received during a hospital stay.
•After being hosted as a houseguest for one or more nights.
•For notes or gifts of congratulations.

Is there a certain amount of time allowed to pass before you zip off a thank-you?  One etiquette columnist suggests you do it right away, and be strict with yourself. Give yourself a week because if you wait longer then you put it off one more seven day stretch. People like a thank-you note more than they even like a gift.

Always include a specific reference to the gift you’re thanking the person for:  “Thanks for the book you sent for my birthday.  How did you know I’m interested in the history of the U.S. Supreme Court judges?”

What about a thank-you note when you go on a job interview?   A careerbuilder.com survey found 15% of employers wouldn’t hire an applicant who didn’t send a thank-you note after an interview.   

Did you know only 5% of those looking for jobs perform this crucial task? If you’re looking for a way to differentiate yourself from the rest of the pack and to keep your name in front of a potential employer, this is the way to do it. Send a thank you note.

Career counselors and hiring managers suggest sending a thank you within 24 hours after your interview.   A thank-you note reinforces the fact you really want the job.

If you're at a total loss what to write a hiring manager after a job interview, here are a few thank-you note samples you’re free to use.

A few final words on thank-you notes. When in doubt, send a thank-you note.  You’ll never regret it.

The best part of a thank-you letter arriving in the mail is that people normally go to their mailbox expecting bills or credit card offers.  It’s nice to receive a thank-you from someone who has taken the time to express their appreciation.

John   
Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

You can pre-order my new book Intelligence For Your Life: Powerful Lessons For Personal Growth, at half price plus you'll receive a free John Tesh Alive Music& Dance DVD by just clicking here.

Creating A Happy Family

How hard do you have to work to have a happy family?  According to family experts, the key to family happiness is working smarter rather than harder.

In today's excerpt from my new book Intelligence For Your Life:  Powerful Lessons For Personal Growth, I'll share with you what I learned from the professionals as well as what works in my house.

What makes a happy family? We have the benefit of thousands of books written by family counselors and medical doctors and Ph.Ds, all studying the family dynamic. And over the last fifty years or so, television has offered plenty of different templates for family life, from Ozzie and Harriet’s family to Ozzie Osbourne’s family. Here’s my take on what it takes to make a happy family, courtesy of hundreds of pieces I’ve read on the topic.

Routines.

All the experts agree that it’s up to the parents to provide a home that’s characterized by order and stability. Homes where anything goes aren’t really giving children freedom, but promoting chaos. Such an environment actually makes children feel nervous; they don’t like living a haphazard life (even if they think they want a little more freedom than they’re getting). Children need routine so they can feel calm and reassured.

Connie and I work hard to try and give Prima a day with a schedule, clear rules, and an organized home. In return, she feels relaxed and comfortable, which makes her a happy girl. Her solid home base doesn’t waver even when life gives her ups and downs. Of course, you can’t always prevent a crisis, but in an organized, stable home, kids know that most of their life will not change even during the rough times.

One area that’s crucial here is having a calm bedtime routine. If you end the day with chaos, it doesn’t promote calm sleep and even causes your child to lose sleep. Keep the bedtime routine simple and turn it into a routine: A bath, prayers, a little reading, and a goodnight kiss. Simple. Routine.

Family Meetings.

We hold family meetings on a regular basis to discuss anything and everything. My children also have the right to call for a family meeting. This makes for a happier household because family members of all ages know that they will have a certain time to talk about what’s bothering them or even to share good news.

Children are happy knowing that they will be heard, knowing that they don’t have to internalize their problems. Family meetings can also be spirited, joyous occasions. (There is no rule that family meetings have to be about a problem.) This is also a good time to plan for the week ahead and avoid any anxiety about what’s on the horizon. How will you handle Wednesday when there’s a soccer game for one child plus a swim meet for another child? It can all be worked out at a family meeting, as can vacation plans, spring-cleaning, or what to do for Mom’s birthday next month.

I have a whole lot more I want to tell you about running a well-oiled family.  You can find additional information in my upcoming book Intelligence For Your Life.   You can pre-order the book before March 11th for half price plus you'll get a free copy of my new DVD John Tesh Alive Music & Dance, by just clicking here.

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

What To Do When Identity Theft Happens To You

Not a day goes by that I don’t hear about someone I know getting sideswiped by identity theft.  This problem is not going away and identity thieves are growing smarter.

Think how your life has changed since the intrusion of identity theft: 

•You’re suspicious when your credit card is swiped at a business.

•Your important papers are shredded to keep personal information from dumpster diving thieves.

•Phone calls from solicitors put us on the defensive as we wonder if we’re about to be scammed.   

We’ve got good reason to be concerned.  According to the Federal Trade Commission, 27.3 million Americans have been victims of identity theft in the last five years. 

Assume you’ve done everything you can to prevent identity theft but you’re seeing charges on your credit card you’ve no idea about.

What do you do once you suspect ID theft has taken place?

First, contact your credit card issuers. Close existing accounts and obtain replacement cards with new account numbers.  Ask for verification that the disputed account has been closed and all fraudulent charges have been removed.  Besides the phone calls you make to the credit card companies, put your requests in writing. Use the Federal Trade Commission's ID Theft Affidavit (PDF), a form that helps simplify the identity theft process.

Some companies allow you to attach a special PIN or password on any new accounts you open.  This way if the thief has stolen your mother’s maiden name, your social security number or your birth date, you can use another identifying mark to protect yourself.

Another important step, according to the Federal Trade Commission is to place a “Fraud Alert” on your credit reports. The “Fraud Alert” informs creditors to follow a certain procedure before they open any new accounts in your name.

Suppose someone confiscates all your personal information, and decided to open a few new credit card accounts using your data. The alert would signal the creditor not to open a new account or make any changes unless you’re called at a phone number you specify.

Here are three numbers you can call to place a fraud alert on your account: 

Equifax:  1-800-525-6285
Experian:  1-888-397-3742
TransUnion: 1-800-680-7289

Another step you can’t pass up is to contact Call For Action at 1-866-434-6854, an Identity Theft hotline where you can speak to a trained counselor about your situation.  The personnel at Call For Action will walk you step-by-step through the process of getting your identity back under your control.

File a police report. Creditors may ask you for proof of the Identity Theft.  File a report with law enforcement officials so you can have proof when asked.

Report the theft to the Federal Trade Commission.  The FTC needs as much information as possible to help in their investigations of Identity Theft.  You can call them at 1-877-438-4338 or go on line to ftc.gov/idtheft.

One other area where ID theft occurs is with telemarketing fraud.  According to the National Fraud Information Center, American consumers lose an estimated $4.9 billion each year through telemarketing fraud, and the FBI estimates there are 14,000 illegal telephone sales in the U.S. each day.

When you speak to a telemarketer, NEVER give your credit card numbers, bank account numbers, social security numbers or other personal information. You should only give them information after you’ve established you’re speaking to a legitimate company. 

If you think you’re speaking to a fraudulent company about to take you on a ride, here’s what you do:  hang up the phone. You do not need to stay on the phone engaged in unwanted conversation with a stranger who might be stiffing you.   

John   
Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Don’t forget. My new hardcover book Intelligence For Your Life: Powerful Lessons for Personal Growth will be released March 11th. You can pre-order my book before March 11th at half price and you'll receive a free concert DVD by just clicking here.

Little Things Every Marriage Needs

It's the everyday little things you do in a marriage or any relationship that make the biggest difference.

In today's excerpt from my book Intelligence For Your Life:  Powerful Lessons For Personal Growth, I share three of those little things you know you should be doing in your marriage but you never seem to get around to doing.

Relationships are complex because people are complex. But they aren’t impossible. Having been exposed to all the relationship advice I’ve come across since I’ve been hosting the John Tesh Radio Show (some of it contradictory!) two big, overarching themes have emerged—one sort of scary, one very encouraging. First, you have to be intentional; if you put your relationship on autopilot, you’re going to crash.

That’s the scary one. Here’s the encouraging one: little things really do mean a lot. So you’ve got to be proactive—that is, you have to do things—to keep your relationships intact. But you don’t always have to do big things. Routine maintenance really does prevent the big breakdown.

So, after reading through the hundreds of studies and secretly testing some of this intelligence in my own home, I am prepared to give you some of my relationship favorites. Here are a few small things that every marriage needs:

• A photograph of the two of you. Not a family photo . . . no in-laws. Just the two of you. Experts recommend using a picture that is less than five years old. No kids. No wedding photos. Ideally it’s a photo of the two of you doing something goofy. Connie knows I love having photos of the two of us all over the house. I especially love the one from last summer that shows us wiping out in the waves together at the beach. I even have that one on my computer screensaver. Every time you see your special photograph you will be reminded of your commitment to remaining a couple.

•An inside joke. Without a sense of humor, your relationship will never survive. Your inside joke needs to be something very personal. Perhaps it’s a secret word for something, or a weird nickname. And this is important: it should make no sense to anyone but the two of you. Marriage counselors will tell you that when you share something that’s just between the two of you, it connects you. I don’t think my wife Connie would mind my sharing one of our little inside jokes. People often hear me refer to her as “Ched,” but most don’t even want to ask. Her real first name is Concetta (pronounced ConCHEDDa), which became cheddar and then Ched. See, only makes sense to us. I’m known as “Borderline”—as in borderline insane. No kidding.

•A fair fight. Healthy disagreements should actually be a staple of your relationship. I know it sounds strange, but most experts I have interviewed agree that “no fighting” usually means that there are unresolved issues that will eventually explode. The key to a truly successful fight is to avoid sentences that begin with the word “you”—and never to sling insults. I’ve caught myself many times breaking the you rule, as in “you always” . . . or “you never . . . " That’s never productive. It’s always harmful. If your goal is to solve a relationship disagreement try using we instead of you. For example,resist the temptation to say “You never help around the house," say instead, “I think we have a problem with getting all the chores done. Can you help me come up with a plan that we can use?"

I have a few more little things you can do for your marriage. You can find them in my new book Intelligence For Your Life:  Powerful Lessons For Personal Growth.  The book can be pre-ordered today at half price and you'll receive a free John Tesh Alive Music&Dance DVD. Just click here.

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia

A Wakeup Call For Drowsy Drivers

Do you ever find yourself dozing off while driving down a busy highway?  Well, here’s your morning wake up call:  Don’t!

According to WebMD, the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration estimates at least 100,000 crashes, 71,000 injuries and 1,500 deaths each year in this country that are the result of a driver falling asleep at the wheel.

To make matters worse, about half of U.S. adults admit to driving while drowsy and 17% have actually napped at the wheel.

A few months ago a drowsy Denver woman was ticketed for driving down I-25 for more than 30 miles while she was nodding off! 

Drowsy driving occurs even in the friendly skies.  The Federal Aviation Administration opened up a recent investigation to determine if two Go! Airline pilots were snoozing in the cockpit during a flight from Honolulu to Hilo. Hilo air traffic controllers complained they were unable to contact the pilots for 25 minutes after the plane overshot the airport by 15 miles! 

How are drowsy drivers hazardous to you? Driving without enough sleep is hazardous to everyone’s health. Why?  Drowsy drivers have slower reaction times, impaired judgment and vision, and pay less attention to important signs, road changes and actions of other drivers. 

Who are the most likely drowsy driver candidates? The ones most likely to be drowsy drivers are young people, especially males between the ages of 18 to 25.  Young men in this category tend to not get enough sleep. Too much partying . . . Dude! 

In addition, shift workers, college students (especially during finals week), individuals with untreated sleep disorders like sleep apnea and narcolepsy, and commercial drivers are also candidates.

What’s the proper amount of sleep you need to keep you awake on the road? Pat Britz, education and research manager at the National Sleep Foundation in Washington, D.C. says,  "If you are going to drive, make sure you get eight hours of sleep the night before or take a nap on the day you depart.”

Studies have shown only one-third of Americans get their recommended eight hours of sleep each night.

How can you detect the warning signs of sleepiness?  Here are several can’t miss signs: difficulty focusing or keeping your eyes open; trouble keeping your head up; yawning repeatedly; wandering, disconnected thoughts or day dreaming; feeling restless or irritable; drifting from your lane; tailgating and missing traffic signs or exits.

How do you prevent yourself from falling into the trap of drowsy driving? 
•On long trips drivers should schedule stops or rest every two hours and alternate drivers.

•Avoid alcohol or sedating medicines while driving. If you’re taking antidepressants, anti-anxiety medications and certain antihistamines, be aware these are drugs that can make you unfit for driving.

•Two cups of coffee can increase your short-term alertness. However, you can never make up for eight hours of sleep with two cups of hot steaming java.

•Open the windows or blast the A/C for a cold slap in the face.

•Try listening to the radio or some CDs.  You never know when your son’s heavy metal rock CDs might come in handy.

•Stop to eat or drink. 

•Talk or sing to yourself.

•Splash water in your face. 

•Depending on how desperate you are, slap or pinch yourself. 

•The best way to fight drowsiness is to pull over to a safe parking spot and take a 20-minute nap.

Whatever you do, don’t fall asleep at the wheel.

John 

Email John: johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Don’t forget. My new hardcover book Intelligence For Your Life: Powerful Lessons for Personal Growth will be released March 11th.  You can pre-order my book before March 11th at half price and you'll receive a free concert DVD by just clicking here.

Turn Your Marriage Into a Successful Business

Have you ever considered your marriage to be a business?  Even a profit making business?

Today's excerpt from my upcoming book Intelligence For Your Life:  Powerful Lessons For Personal Growth takes a whole new look at marriage. In fact, consider your marriage to be a top-notch business plan. 

Once you’ve found the love of your life, keep your relationship healthy by making time for each other. In 2006, six percent of couples who filed for divorce said it was because their spouse was a “workaholic.” Having a solid work ethic shouldn’t mean you have to sacrifice your home life. In fact, some of those skills you use every day on the job could help save your relationship! So start applying your on-the-job abilities at home. The following tips come from Rodale Publishing.

Treat your loved one like a client. When an important client has a problem, you probably bend over backward to make them happy, right? So why would you treat your spouse worse than a business associate? Dr. Emily Nagoski, a psychologist at Indiana University, says people lose track of their problem-solving skills once emotions get involved. She says if you act as if your point of view is more right than your partner’s, you’ll never find a solution. So the next time you’re in an argument at home, take a deep breath and ask yourself, How would I react if this were a client?

Be punctual! You don’t show up late to work, because you don’t want to get fired. So treat your partner with the same respect. If you make plans for dinner, movie night, or a walk in the park, don’t break your promise!

Set goals. Your boss gives you goals at work so he or she has a way to measure your success. So think about your relationship the same way. Just as you have sales quotas or project milestones at work, come up with some goals you and your spouse can work together on: save for a down payment on a home, or work toward a special vacation. Dr. Nagoski says this will create a sense of teamwork in your relationship.

Monitor your in-box. You know that stack of paperwork on your desk at work? Sure, it’s annoying to fill out invoices and to follow-up on emails, but you do those anyway, because it’s your job! Relationships require the same kind of maintenance. Nobody really wants to do chores, spend holidays with the in-laws, or have those long, drawn-out state of the romance talks, but you should do them anyway. If you don’t, your obligations will start to pile up, and so will your partner’s resentment. So do the tasks in your relationship in-box to avoid arguments.

Along the same lines, some of the best marriage advice I’ve ever heard is that you should think of your marital union as a business—actually, the most important business that you’re involved with for the rest of your life. Call it Marriage, Inc.

If you don’t put time into your business—say it’s a store or a computer company—then you won’t sell products, you’ll flounder, and you’ll go out of business. If you don’t put time into your marriage then it will flounder, too, and you will be out of the marriage business. So many people think, “Okay, I’m married now. That’s settled. I don’t have to put too much work into it.” Not true. Marriage is work, but that doesn’t take the romance out of it—not if you’re creative.

John   

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

You can pre-order my new book Intelligence For Your Life: Powerful Lessons For Personal Growth, at half price plus you'll receive a free John Tesh Alive Music&Dance DVD by just clicking here.

Have You Ever Considered Owning a Hybrid Vehicle?

Whether or not you plan to buy one, gasoline-electric hybrid cars are the wave of the future.

Despite the promotional hype, many Americans are still a bit squeamish about driving this automotive new breed.  If we’re honest, we’re not even sure we know what a hybrid is.

A hybrid car is only a “hybrid” because it uses both a gasoline-powered engine and an electric motor to accelerate the car.

For example, the electric motor can draw energy from the batteries to accelerate the car. Also acting as a generator, it can slow the car down and return energy to the batteries.  The gasoline engines acts like any other engine. 

So a hybrid is a car where a gasoline-powered engine and electric motor work together to make this baby run!

For those who want more under-the-hood information on hybrids, check out How Stuff Works.

Will a hybrid car save me gas?  The last time I gassed up, the cost of regular fuel was over $3.00 a gallon.  The way I see it, any vehicle that saves us on gas is worth looking at. 

Hybrid cars, according to some resources get up to 60 mpg, due to their advanced aerodynamics, engine efficiency and tire technology.  The tires on a hybrid are made of a special rubber that reduces friction.

Will a hybrid car actually save the environment?
We all want to do our part on cutting back on fossil fuel emissions which pollute the air.  Due to its electric motor and batteries, hybrids have reduced gas emissions which mean less CO2 emissions -a harmful pollutant.

In addition, hybrid cars are smaller and their overall lesser weight increases its efficiency.

Will it cost more to maintain a hybrid car?
A further benefit it that there are low maintenance costs due to the electric motor and the batteries.

Every time you apply the brakes, the brake system stores some of the energy back to the batteries.  Also, the gasoline-powered engine can recharge the batteries.  Right away the electric motor is cutting costs despite the presence of a gasoline-powered motor -though it is smaller than a standard car.

Will the hybrid cost more than a regular car?
People often argue against purchasing a hybrid because of the greater cost compared to a non-hybrid car. The difference between some hybrids and a non-hybrid is about $2000.

Consumers once believed it would take years before a customer would “break even” on the amount saved on fuel costs.  Most recently, with the rising costs of gasoline, and with hybrid car prices dropping, it’s very likely you will recoup that up-front premium in just a few short years.

The government has added an incentive to purchase a hybrid.  For hybrid cars there’s a federal tax deduction: the tax credits can range from $400 to $3,400. 

Before you jump into a hybrid, take one for a demo spin at some of the car dealerships that make them.  You’ll find they drive the same as gasoline powered cars. The acceleration is just as efficient and they can cruise just as fast as a standard car. 

Bottom line?  Buy a hybrid- it’s the most fuel-efficient vehicle on the road. They’re also fun to drive!

John   
Email John: johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Don’t forget. My new hardcover book Intelligence For Your Life: Powerful Lessons for Personal Growth will be released March 11th.  You can pre-order my book before March 11th at half price and you'll receive a free concert DVD by just clicking here.

How To Be A Great Date

Are you tired of dating games?  Today's excerpt from my book Intelligence For Your Life:  Powerful Lessons For Personal Growth, offers honest advice on how to be a great date.

The “Dating and Relationships” channel on our Web site gets a great deal of attention as our listeners dig deeper to follow up on the stories we share on the air. There are a lot of very intelligent people studying the art of the successful relationship. Here’s a lightning round of some of the best information I’ve been able to learn from the experts who have contributed to our radio show.

Be flexible. It’s good to have a plan for the date, but the best way to set up plans these days is to offer your date a few choices of what you can do. Say, “After dinner would you rather go listen to some live music or go see a movie?” This way you’re showing that you don’t have to be in control all the time.

Remember to turn off your cell phone. Unless you have children or you’re waiting for news about a liver transplant, turn the cell phone off. It’s too tempting to keep checking who is calling each time it rings, and your date might just think it’s another man or woman. Turn it off. The same thing goes for your BlackBerry. It’s disrespectful to divide your attention between the person in front of you and a beeping little piece of plastic. It also says, “You’re only semiimportant to me.”

Cool it with the lavish compliments. I know someone who went on a first date with a potential suitor who lavished her with praise from loving her eyes to her long flowing hair to her gorgeous dress. He told her she was the smartest, most beautiful, funniest, sweetest, most caring woman on the planet. The problem is that before the date they only had one conversation—on the phone! So it all seemed extremely phony. How did he know her? He didn’t, so his words and compliments seemed superficial and worked against him. It was almost as if he was handing her a line. It’s better to say something meaningful such as, “That’s a gorgeous color of yellow on you” or “You’re really funny.” Just stick to one compliment and mean it.

It’s no longer cool to play it cool. No doubt you’ve heard the “three-day rule”—wait three days after a date to call. Whoever made up that rule was dating at least ten years ago. If you like someone and had a great time, call him or her right away. This shows interest and will most likely result in a follow-up date. You’ll also set yourself apart from all the other people who are still following that silly three-day rule.

Chivalry is not dead. Men, open doors for your date. Pull her chair out for her. And be on time.

Treat everyone you encounter with respect and kindness. This goes for both men and women. How you treat the maitre d’ or the wait staff or the valet parker is how your date will think you are going to treat him or her . . . eventually.

Before you pick up your cell phone to make your next date, you can find more tips on being a great date in my new book Intelligence For Your Life:  Powerful Lessons For Personal Growth.  You can pre-order it today at half price and you'll receive a free John Tesh Alive Music&Dance DVD by just clicking here.

John
Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Protecting Our Kids From Gangs

This headline grabbed my heart: “U.S. gang membership may be higher than reported." The U.S. Department of Justice estimates more than 700,000 gang members nationwide.

Gangs are everywhere, according to the Nineteenth Judicial Circuit Court in Illinois.  Since 911, there are over 31,000 gangs in the USA. They are thriving in all fifty states and gaining turf even in sleepy suburbia.

Apparently, you’re never too young or too old to join a gang.  Youths join gangs as young as six and remain in the gangs even up to sixty years of age.  Female gangs make up 5-10% of the total gang population.

How much of a problem is this to adults?  In a 2005 survey of California adults, 75% said that their main concern was the ‘well being of children’ and their attraction to gangs. This worry far outranked their concerns about health care, the economy or even terrorism.

Burrel Lee Wilks III, former Chicago Street gang chief, now serving as a life coach posts the dangers of gangs:

"Gangs are seductive and deadly. They promise money, power and instant gratification. They create the illusion of family but in reality offer only dead-ends and hopelessness."

Don’t jump the gun and assume your kid’s already joined a gang. However, there are telltale signs you ought to be on the lookout for:

•Has he started to dress differently, maybe cocking his hat to one side, or rolling up the cuff of a pant’s leg?  As he gets more and more involved in the gang culture, he may wear gang colors:  excessive amounts of clothing with two color combinations, such as blue and black, or gold and black.

•Does he want a tattoo or his ear pierced?  This may be a fashion statement, but this is a huge part of the gang world as well.

•Is he using street ‘handles’ or nicknames instead of full names? All gangs have their own code words and their own unique language.

•Is he obsessed with gangster-influenced music, videos and movies, wanting to imitate what he sees?

•Do you find your child is keeping you in the dark?  You don’t know where he is after school or who his friends are.

•Does your child suddenly have large amounts of unexplained cash or suddenly show up with new, expensive possessions?

•Do you see gang graffiti written on his books, clothing and even inside the brim of a baseball cap?

If you suspect your child or grandchild is in a gang or you just want to make sure he never joins a gang, here’s some helpful advice:

•Communicate, communicate, communicate.  Don’t fall into the trap thinking you cannot monitor your child due to his age 

•Positive reinforcement. You need to tell your child you love him and believe in him.  If he ever gets lost in his life, he’ll remember your words and always know there’s a way back home. 

•Practice a zero tolerance for gang language, clothing or gangster-looking friends in your home.  Inform him of the dangers of the gang life:  getting hurt or killed or arrested or sent to prison.   

•Plan to keep your kids away from gangs. Keep him involved in activities outside the home.  Children that have a lot of unstructured time are prime candidates for gang recruitment.

The best advice is to turn up the awareness of your child’s life a few notches.   Keep an eye on what he’s wearing, how he’s talking, who he is associating with and whether you see a general change in his attitude.

John   
Email: johnsblog@teshmedia.com

To get your copy of my book, Intelligence For Your Life:  Powerful Lessons For Personal Growth, you can preorder it at half price before the March 11th release date. Plus you'll receive a free DVD of John Tesh Alive Music&Dance and I will autograph your copy of the book.  Don't delay. Order now by just clicking here.

The Art of Active Listening

Face it, we're too busy to listen. People speak to us and without listening to their words, we are already formulating our answer. 

In today's excerpt from my upcoming book, Intelligence For Your Life:  Powerful Lessons For Personal Growth, I want to share my encounter about one of the greatest listeners I ever met.

I used to make my living interviewing newsmakers, from sitting presidents to downhill racers. Pee-Wee Herman to Gregory Peck. One of my favorite interviews was with anchorman Ted Koppel. Asking Mr. Koppel questions in a live TV interview is a bit like biking with Lance Armstrong. You’re working . . . he’s not. Koppel is the consummate interviewer. He is meticulous. He is thorough. He puts you at ease (unless, of course, you’re guilty). Koppel is the perfect interviewer.

So I had the chance, right there face-to-face, one-on-one, to ask the man himself the secret to his success. I had the question all written out, perfectly phrased, and posed with typical anchorman charm.

“Mr. Koppel, you’ve interviewed some of the most influential people in the world. What’s the secret to being a great interviewer?” I waited for his answer. When it came, it took me completely by surprise.

“I listen, John.”

“That’s it?” I asked in horror.

“Yes, that’s it. I listen. I listen more than I talk.”

He then proceeded to dissect the basic questioning technique used by the rest of us: Ask a question. Get an answer. Ask another unrelated question. Get another answer. And so on until it’s time for the next commercial break. Koppel listens. Then he asks a follow-up question based on what he hears. Not only does he get great answers, but he honors his guest with his rapt attention.

Mr. Koppel’s point was this: Most of us, whether we are on television or not, have forgotten how to listen to each other. We have an agenda, and we are not willing to let listening get in the way of it. Without the art of listening, you risk missing key information. It is Mr. Koppel’s position that our ears are in danger of becoming a vestigial organ. Use ’em or lose ’em. What’s happened to listening? It’s been replaced by interrupting.

No one’s listening anymore. We have to shout out our next question or check our BlackBerry before anyone gets a chance to finish what they’re saying.

As you might imagine, I have interviewed hundreds of therapists and counselors (even divorce attorneys), and most of them agree that the number one predictor for divorce and failed relationships is (nope, not money) poor communication. Either one or both parties stop listening. Even worse, they listen, but hear something else. Strike a nerve did I?

Failure to listen isn’t just a bane to marriages. If you can’t shut your mouth and listen, it’s going to affect every relationship you have—parent-child relationships, dating relationships, work relationships, friendships.

John

Email:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

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