The Art of Active Listening

Face it, we're too busy to listen. People speak to us and without listening to their words, we are already formulating our answer. 

In today's excerpt from my upcoming book, Intelligence For Your Life:  Powerful Lessons For Personal Growth, I want to share my encounter about one of the greatest listeners I ever met.

I used to make my living interviewing newsmakers, from sitting presidents to downhill racers. Pee-Wee Herman to Gregory Peck. One of my favorite interviews was with anchorman Ted Koppel. Asking Mr. Koppel questions in a live TV interview is a bit like biking with Lance Armstrong. You’re working . . . he’s not. Koppel is the consummate interviewer. He is meticulous. He is thorough. He puts you at ease (unless, of course, you’re guilty). Koppel is the perfect interviewer.

So I had the chance, right there face-to-face, one-on-one, to ask the man himself the secret to his success. I had the question all written out, perfectly phrased, and posed with typical anchorman charm.

“Mr. Koppel, you’ve interviewed some of the most influential people in the world. What’s the secret to being a great interviewer?” I waited for his answer. When it came, it took me completely by surprise.

“I listen, John.”

“That’s it?” I asked in horror.

“Yes, that’s it. I listen. I listen more than I talk.”

He then proceeded to dissect the basic questioning technique used by the rest of us: Ask a question. Get an answer. Ask another unrelated question. Get another answer. And so on until it’s time for the next commercial break. Koppel listens. Then he asks a follow-up question based on what he hears. Not only does he get great answers, but he honors his guest with his rapt attention.

Mr. Koppel’s point was this: Most of us, whether we are on television or not, have forgotten how to listen to each other. We have an agenda, and we are not willing to let listening get in the way of it. Without the art of listening, you risk missing key information. It is Mr. Koppel’s position that our ears are in danger of becoming a vestigial organ. Use ’em or lose ’em. What’s happened to listening? It’s been replaced by interrupting.

No one’s listening anymore. We have to shout out our next question or check our BlackBerry before anyone gets a chance to finish what they’re saying.

As you might imagine, I have interviewed hundreds of therapists and counselors (even divorce attorneys), and most of them agree that the number one predictor for divorce and failed relationships is (nope, not money) poor communication. Either one or both parties stop listening. Even worse, they listen, but hear something else. Strike a nerve did I?

Failure to listen isn’t just a bane to marriages. If you can’t shut your mouth and listen, it’s going to affect every relationship you have—parent-child relationships, dating relationships, work relationships, friendships.

John

Email:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

If you enjoyed today's excerpt, there's more from where that came from. To purchase your copy of my book, Intelligence For Your Life:  Powerful Lessons For Personal Growth, you can preorder it at half price before the March 11th release date. Plus you'll receive a free DVD of John Tesh Alive Music&Dance and I will autograph your copy of the book.  Don't delay. Order now by just clicking here.