The John Tesh Blog

Questions To Ask Yourself Before You Quit Your Job

Is there a right way to quit your job?  After all, if you quit your job tomorrow morning, it would seem your life would be completely out of control by the afternoon.

However, before you do anything impulsive, please read today's excerpt from my new book Intelligence For Your Life: Powerful Lessons For Personal Growth.  See how well the following situation fits your current job stress: 

So you’ve finally come to the conclusion that you have had enough. You hate your job. You finally feel the courage you need to stride into the boss’s office and quit your gig. Stop. I’ve been there many times in my career and I have read at least ten good studies and two books on what experts say you should do first. Before you even think about switching jobs, you need to ask yourself a few questions.

Why do I do my job?
  Why are you putting in fifty hours a week? Is it because you love to make money? Is it because your parents worked that hard and that’s your only example? Or is it because your job is something that makes you feel great? If your job is fulfilling but the money is not happening right now, be careful. It might not be time to split. Sure, you might be able to make more money at another job—but that doesn’t mean that other job will make you happy.

What am I worth?
  Spend a weekend and write a personal bio that includes your accomplishments, responsibilities, and all of your skills. How do you compare to people just like you? What is your standing in the job world? Be very specific. Then go to one of our favorite Web sites www.salary.com. The Web site has listings of the average salary for just about any profession you can imagine. One of the big mistakes people make is not knowing their professional worth. I remember finding out by accident what a fellow TV reporter was making when I was working in North Carolina. I had been working for half his salary for a year doing the same job. I didn’t do my homework. He did. Do the homework!

If I quit this job, what will it cost me?
  Will you lose benefits or stock options? How far is your commute? What does that cost in gas every day? What about health benefits? Write it all down. Do a spreadsheet. Share it with your family and friends. I’m not trying to discourage you from quitting; in fact, this analysis might show that quitting is a great idea. Just plug-in the numbers.

John
Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

There are two more essential questions you must ask yourself before you quit your job.  You can find them included in my new book Intelligence For Your Life:  Powerful Lessons For Personal Growth..  My book is available for purchase at your local bookstore or online at Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble.

Ways To Keep Your Teens From Fighting

The new trend of teens beating up a fellow teen just to post a video of the attack on YouTube or MySpace is most disturbing.   

Recently, eight teenagers videotaped the brutal thrashing of a 16 year old Florida girl.  The teens lured the unsuspecting high school student to a friend’s home to attack her and then posted the film of the pounding on YouTube.

Who can we blame?  The website for allowing videotaped beatings on their site, the teens for using violence to gain internet notoriety or the parents for raising physically aggressive adolescents?

Psychologists warn of a connection between increasing internet usage and increasing violence among teens. Therapists suggest adults get more involved in what kids are doing online.

While your teens may not go to the extreme of beating up one of their classmates, it’s not uncommon for them to get involved in serious verbal disputes with each other.  Before parents try to stop teens from fighting, consider thesel issues:

What Parents Need to Know About Teens Fighting

•You cannot always protect your kids from conflicts. Teens need to learn how to deal with differences with their friends in a positive way.

As parents you can help by acting like a coach or cheerleader when your child is caught in a dispute. If you’re always jumping into your teen’s battles to solve them, you rob them of learning how to resolve matters on their own. 

However, you can’t totally remove yourself as a parent.  You have to monitor the bickering and negative exchange to make sure the conflict does not become physical or involve internet harassment. If a conflict is getting of control, as a parent you have the right to contact the school to step in.

•You cannot treat your child as a victim.  Every conflict has two sides and your child has contributed to the conflict in some way.  Ask your child how they fueled the fire of their dispute and challenge them to take responsibility.

•Teach your child friendships are supposed to be positive. If a friendship causes your teen stress and trouble, then ending the relationship might be a good thing. Someone who fills your life with hurt and betrayal is not a friend.  It may be time to walk away and focus on friends who will be true to you.

What Teens Need To Know to Stop the Fighting

Teach your child to take the initiative to end a feud. Once your teen contacts their estranged friend, they can focus on  why the fight started in the first place.  Let me suggest the following plan of action from Wikihow, you can suggest to your teen to salvage the friendship:

•Explain to your friend how you miss their friendship.

•Reply to any response they give and feelings they share.  If they tell you they were hurt by things you said, ask for their forgiveness.

•Admit you had no idea how your words or actions caused them so much hurt.

•Confess to them you were hurt by the things they said as well.

•Share your feelings and allow one another the freedom to listen. It will take the both of you to put the dispute to rest.

•Request you both meet in person and get everything out in the open.  If they’re open to meeting with you, perhaps your friendship is on the mend.   

John
Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

In my book Intelligence For Your Life:  Powerful Lessons For Personal Growth you'll read more about how to take care of your relationships.  You can purchase the book at your local bookstores or order it online from Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.

Are You Burned Out?

Gather 200 people into a room and ask how many in the crowd feel "burned out."  Watch the sea of raised hands seeking recognition for being at the end of their rope, desperately needing rest.

Today's excerpt from my book Intelligence For Your Life addresses a universal crisis we're all apart of:  the burned out generation.

According to a London Daily Mail poll, more than half of those reading this right now are completely burned out on the job. How can you tell if you’re burned out? If you have lost that satisfied feeling at work and don’t even revel in your own job accomplishments, there might be a problem. Are your coworkers asking if everything is okay with you? Have they noticed you acting depressed or even moody on the job? Have you been snapping at everyone?

Here’s a telltale sign of work burnout: the minute you return from a vacation, the joy, happiness, and relaxation you felt are instantly gone, and you can’t even manage to come back from lunch on time. Another sign: procrastination is your new middle name.

Dr. Alan Shelton, author of Transforming Burnout, studies worker burnout. He notes that you shouldn’t feel alone if you’re feeling this particular burn. Some three-quarters of all workers are hit with this feeling from time to time. According to Dr. Shelton, vacations, days off, new hours and outside interests don’t always help. Professional work counselors can help, especially if you’re a workaholic who is stressed out by a desire for everything to be perfect all of the time.

The important thing is to find balance between work and other pursuits. Then work isn’t the only focus. Dr. Shelton also suggests the following:

•Get a physical to rule out more serious health problems.

•Take care of the spiritual side of life.
It will give you focus. Meditation and prayer can help with burnout because they take the focus off work. Make relaxation a priority in your life.

•Remind yourself that each morning is a new day to be appreciated.    
    On the way to work find two or three things that make you happy, even if it’s just a beautiful forest preserve on the side of the road or watching your kids.

•Exercise helps beat job burnout.
   
•Sleep helps beat job burnout.

John
Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

For more tips on how you can deal with burn out, check out my new book Intelligence For Your Life:  Powerful Lessons For Personal Growth now available for purchase at your local bookstores and online at Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble.

How To Keep Your Cell Phone From Ruining Your Friendships

Oddly enough, cell phones have the potential to yank the plug on your personal relationships. Haven’t you ever made a lunch date with someone only to have them field one phone call or text message after another? 

Our heavy usage of iPhones, BlackBerry’s and mobile phones is making it difficult to keep plugged into the people we're actually spending time with. We're just too accessible at all times to all kinds of calls – both business and pleasure.

To be honest, it all boils down to our cell phone etiquette. Consider how less important your in-the-flesh friends feel while you're tethered to someone else via a wireless call.

The problem with going wireless is that there’s a tendency for us to become mannerless.  A communications professor at the University of Wisconsin-Madison calls our lack of manners an “unconscious rudeness.”  When using our mobile phones, we're not aware of what we're doing or of other people in our vicinity.  And we’re all guilty of it.

Here’s a brief list of mobile manners we need to pay attention to once our ring tone goes off:

•Refrain from “cell yell” or speaking loudly in public on your cell. Someone at the next table on a conference call boisterously negotiating a business deal can ruin a quiet dinner you planned with your spouse.

•Keep your ring on a low volume. How many times have you been sitting in a restaurant having to listen to Beethoven’s 5th coming from a cell in the booth behind you or to the jumpy beat of a 5 piece Latin band drifting from the apron pocket of your server?  Keep the volume down or go to vibrate.

•When asked to turn the cell off, turn it off. We’re asked to turn off our cells in hospitals, churches, synagogues, movie theatres, funerals, graduations, banks and school auditoriums.  Murphy's Law dictates that at your daughter’s high school graduation ceremony someone’s cell will break out a Rolling Stone classic the moment your child is called to receive her diploma.

•Take the call in private.  You may be expecting an important call. Set your phone to vibrate or silent mode. When your call comes through, excuse yourself and take it outside away from others.

•Don’t subject people in public to the details of your private life. You’re in a train, plane or on a bus.  One fellow bus passenger is on the cell speaking about her relationship problems, another is talking about his recent breakup and a third caller is discussing detailed dinner plans with a friend.  Some private things should not be discussed in public places. 

•Don’t return text messages when talking to someone else. Answering texts while sitting with a friend can make that person feel unimportant.

•Know the proper time to call. Just because you have someone’s cell phone number does not mean you can call them anytime you want. It’s not hard to ask, “Is there a good time to call?”

•Be courteous to the person behind the counter.  When in a store making a purchase, it’s best to hang up your cell or put your caller on hold to exchange proper greetings with the person behind the counter.
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•Remember the people around you. If you’re out with a bunch of friends, it’s acceptable to answer the phone for a few minutes. Acknowledge the caller, but also tell them you're with a group of close acquaintances and you’ll call them later or the next day.

We all need to mind our wireless manners.  Oh, excuse me . . . I’ve got a call I must take . . . Got to run!

John
Email John: johnsblog@teshmedia.com

In my book Intelligence For Your Life:  Powerful Lessons For Personal Growth you'll read more about how to take care of your relationships.  You can purchase the book at your local bookstores or order it online from Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.

 

Be A Better Boss

In today's excerpt from Intelligence For Your Life:  Powerful Lessons For Personal Growth I address employers . . . your boss.  You're welcome to eavesdrop and perhaps learn a few ways you can help to make your chief a better boss.

Listen up, bosses! Whether you like or dislike your employees, one thing is true: How well you communicate with them plays a huge role in the success of your business. Why? Because workers pay close attention to everything you say and don’t say, how well you listen, and how much concern you show for their well-being. And these things determine how employees feel about you, your company, and their jobs. Here’s how to keep the lines of communication open so your workers are happier and more productive, courtesy of Bottom Line/Personal.

•Avoid the mistake of talking first and listening second.
  When you have a problem with an employee, the first tendency is to take that person aside, explain how you feel and give instructions on how to solve the problem. But an employee who is  approached that way is likely to feel singled out, and may become defensive. Instead, approach your employee with a question that starts a dialogue, like: “How’s the job?” “What’s going well, and what’s not?” This invites the employee to share his or her concerns about the job. It also provides a natural lead-in for your observations and suggestions for improvement. 

•Don’t automatically assume you’ve heard correctly.
  No matter who’s talking or who’s listening, the message sent isn’t necessarily the message received. So, to avoid a misunderstanding, listen carefully as your employee speaks. Then, give a “read-back”—a simple summary of what you think they’ve said to you. This helps you improve your listening skills, and assures employees that you care about what they have to say.

•Don’t do too many things at once.
  Trying to listen to someone while you’re checking your email or day-planner makes the person you’re speaking to feel unimportant. And when people feel like you’re not paying attention to what they’re saying, they spend four times as long saying it. So, make an appointment with an employee who needs to speak with you. You’ll get things solved more quickly, be a better boss and they’ll feel like you’ve made an extra effort to hear them.

John
Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

I love to see companies operate more effectively and in my book Intelligence For Your Life I share some tips I use in my own company you can apply in yours.  You can purchase Intelligence For Your Life from your local bookstore or online at Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble.

Is A Lack of Sleep Affecting You?

It’s not uncommon for hard-working people to brag about how little sleep they’re getting.  Living without much sleep has become a badge of honor . . . 

According to CBS 60 Minutes a 1960 survey by the American Cancer Society asked one million Americans how much sleep they were getting. Eight hours was the average response.  Today that number has slipped to 6.7 hours of sleep each night. 

Is it really so bad for us to be getting a little more than five or six hours of sleep?   Check out the serious side effects of not getting enough sleep:

Increases Your Risk of Diabetes
In a research study at the University of Chicago School of Medicine volunteers underwent six nights of sleep deprivation. The physicians noted after six nights with limited sleep the subjects entered a pre-diabetic state!

A Good Housekeeping April 2008 article claims the less you sleep the more you almost double your chances for diabetes. One Columbia University Medical Center doctor warns, “Losing just an hour of sleep a night increases insulin sensitivity, which in turn increases the risk of diabetes.” But that’s not all . . .

Slows Down Your Physical and Mental Effectiveness
Not getting enough sleep can impact your health in the form of physical and mental impairments.  A lack of sleep can affect your ability to think, make decisions, handle stress, maintain a healthy immune system and balance your emotions.

Other affects of sleep deprivation include depression, heart disease, hypertension, irritability, slower reaction times, slurred speech and tremors.

Brings Noticeable Weight Changes
CBS News reports chronic sleep deprivation is connected to America’s obesity problem.  A study suggests lack of sleep has an effect on the “appetite control” hormone leptin. 

During sleep deprivation, leptin levels lower and inform the brain you have a food shortage in your body and need to eat. When leptin levels are higher, your brain tells your body that you’re getting enough food.

For those with sleep deprivation, you end up feeling less  satisfied by what you eat. You eat more to satisfy your inner cravings for food and you begin to gain weight. 

So when we experience sleep deprivation, we overeat. If you’re trying to lose weight but are not getting enough sleep, you may not be seeing the results you want in your weight loss.

A Dire Need For a Good Night's Sleep
Besides prescription and over-the-counter sleep aids, try these easy remedies for a good night’s sleep:

•Start by exercising more. Experts tell us if you want to get a good night’s sleep, you need to have a good day’s workout.  Why would exercise help you sleep better?  Exercise places physical stress on the body, and the brain responds by increasing the amount of time we spend in deep sleep.

•Avoid eating one to two hours before crawling into bed. It is difficult to stay asleep if you your body is trying to digest the food you ate for your late night snack.

•Avoid napping during the day.  This can make it more difficult for you to fall asleep at night. You may be creating a vicious cycle, as a lack of nighttime sleep leads to the need for daytime naps.

•Reduce your levels of stress. Be sure to have an active social life, interesting hobbies and anything else you can do to give yourself a sense of well-being. You want to go to sleep at night without having excessive worries and depression.

John
Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

In my book Intelligence For Your Life:  Powerful Lessons For Personal Growth I've written on how you can make the best choices for your health. You can purchase the book at your local bookstores or order it online from Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.

How To Get A "Yes" At Work (Or Anywhere Else)

Do you have a loss of confidence when having to ask people for something? Most individuals cringe when they have to make a request believing they will be denied.

In today's excerpt from my new book Intelligence For Your Life:  Powerful Lessons For Personal Growth I share four ways to increase your chances of getting a "yes" response.

Whether you want a coworker to help you with a project, or a salesclerk to give you a refund—or anything in between—there are three steps that will increase your chances of getting a “YES,” says Kevin Hogan, author of the book The Psychology of Persuasion. Here’s how he says to do it. 

•Use the right word: favor.
Using the word favor (as in, “Would you do me a favor?”) increases your odds of getting what you want because it shows that you know you’re asking someone to make a sacrifice. It also implies that you appreciate their sacrifice, rather than expecting it.

•Make it interesting.
Unusual requests are more likely to be granted than routine ones. For example, in a study done at the University of Pennsylvania, people had more success at collecting thirty-seven cents from strangers than collecting a quarter. Experts say this is because most people’s automatic response is to ignore a request they hear all the time—like, “Hey, can you spare a quarter?” If you ask for something out of the ordinary, it piques a person’s interest. They think you have a good reason for making such a specific request.

•Tell them it’s OK to refuse.
If you say, “I understand if you can’t do this,” it doubles your chances of getting what you want. By letting the person feel in control, he or she is more inclined to help you out.

•Watch the clock.
And from Woman’s World magazine: Research shows that people are more likely to grant you a favor between 9 a.m. and 11 a.m. That’s when most people feel the most energized, least frazzled, and most agreeable.

John
Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Do you want more tips on how to be more effective in speaking with others?  I've written a whole section in my book on how you can operate more successfully on your job and at home. Read it in Intelligence For Your Life:  Powerful Lessons For Personal Growth. You can buy it at your local bookstores or order it online from Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.

Get Your Fruits and Vegetables Thoroughly Cleaned

It’s no surprise . . . almost any produce – organic or non-organic - that ends up in your grocery bags will most likely still be covered with fertilizer, soil, dust, bacteria, fungi or pesticides.

To detox your fruits and vegetables, you'll vigorously wash them off with water before eating or cooking. After all, you don’t want to infect your family members or dinner guests with bacteria and pesticides.

However, according to a new report, dousing fruits and vegetables in water may not do the trick.  Scientists at the U.S. Department of Agriculture have been experimenting by injecting food-borne bacteria such as E. coli and salmonella into vegetables and then cleaning them with water and hypochlorite treatment.

After applying these standard-cleansing methods, the water and the chemical wash did not significantly reduce the bacterial levels.  U.S. Department of Agriculture experts claim bacteria can hide inside a leaf and escape being washed off.

The only procedure that kills off 99.9% of harmful bacteria is irradiation – an electron beam that alters a cell’s genetic material and kills harmful parasites, germs and insects.   

Unfortunately, the U.S Food and Drug Administration has not yet approved this sci-fi procedure.  They’re concerned shooting an electron beam at your produce will compromise their nutritional value.

Yet, the American Institute For Cancer Research reports eating lots of fruits and vegetables far outweighs any potential risks from low-level pesticide residue on produce.

So, what’s the most effective way we have for cleaning our produce?  The old standby: wash them thoroughly with water. 

Here are some tips on how to make sure your fruits and veggies are truly healthy:

First, place your items in a colander and run the fruits and vegetables under water. Use a brush to remove insects and dirt as well as bacteria and pesticide residue. Some health food stores sell special food safe detergents that help clean off the food. The concern with detergents is that these items leave a soapy residue that can cause diarrhea.

Here’s an important tip not to be ignored: Even if you purchase bagged lettuce labeled pre-washed three times, you should still wash it.

Second, be sure to wash citrus fruit and melons regardless of their outer covering. Don’t be fooled by that thick layer of skin. It‘s not a sign the fruit should not be washed.

When you peel an orange, contaminants from the orange peel can attach to your hands.  While you’re peeling the fruit, the bacteria travels to the inside section of the orange via your contaminated hands.  If you do not clean the outside skin of a melon, bacteria can be transferred to the fruit through the knife you use to slice it.

Finally, take the extra measures to prepare your fruits and vegetables properly. Remove any bruised portions before eating any of your produce. To remove the wax off an apple, you'll simply need to peel it.

Did you know the little stickers on fruit are made of edible paper?  It’s best to peel off the stickers before washing the fruit to be sure the part underneath is clean.

I’m sure many of you in the blogosphere have your own great suggestions on how to wash fruits and vegetables. I invite you to post your ideas on the John Tesh Blog and share them with all our readers.

John
Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

For more lessons on how to eat healthy,  you can find them in my new book  Intelligence For Your Life:  Powerful Lessons For Personal Growth.  You can buy my book at your local bookstores or order it online from Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.

The Valley of Snap Decisions

The worst decision we can make is indecision.  When it comes to choosing to help someone, using our talents or enrolling in a college extension course, we can remain in limbo and miss an opportunity.

In today's excerpt from my new book Intelligence For Your Life:  Powerful Lessons For Personal Growth, I share how I make some of my best decisions.

Want to know a secret for making a great decision? Do it fast! If you mull over a decision for what seems like forever, you might not make such a good one. Researchers at the University College in London did a study in which they showed a group of people a computer screen that was covered in tons of identical symbols. One of the symbols was rotated in a different direction—making it look different from all the other symbols on the screen. The volunteers were then asked which side of the screen had the rotated symbol.

The findings were interesting: When the volunteers were only given a fraction of a second to look at the screen, they got the right answer a whopping 95 percent of the time! But when they were given time to analyze and study the screen, they only got the right answer 70 percent of the time.

The reason why this happened, experts figured out, is because when you only have seconds to decide, your instincts kick in and your brain quickly helps you pick the right answer. But if you take time thinking it over (and over), you will question yourself and rethink yourself over and over again. And in many cases, you will actually toss out your best instincts!

Many people will change their minds so many times that they will pick an incorrect answer. I’m not saying that we should live in a world of only snap decisions. Of course, there are many times in life when you really need to think about your decisions such as if you want to get married, have a child, or quit your job.

A snap decision in any of those areas could lead to trouble. But this study found that in many situations going with your gut and trusting your instincts gets you the right answer.

John Email John: johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Do you need extra help in taking care of your business?  I've written a whole section on how you can make the best choices of your life. Read it in my new book Intelligence For Your Life:  Powerful Lessons For Personal Growth. You can buy it at your local bookstores or order it online from Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.

Does Your Husband Help Around the House?

Are husbands sharing the household chores with their wives?  Research shows that married men are not pitching in.

Husbands create extra work for wives. A University of Michigan study reports having a husband creates an extra seven hours a week of housework for a woman. On the other hand, a wife spares her husband from nearly one hour of housework each week.  So, the man gets the better deal no matter what.

I can hear the guys say, “I may be making more work for my wife.  But I’m busting my back every day at work. I'm too tired to do housework when I get home. I’ve made it possible for my wife not to work. The least she can do is take care of the kids and tidy up the house.”

Wives work less today. The same University of Michigan study claims today’s woman works less than women 30 years ago:  in 1976 women performed an average of 26 hours of housework a week, compared to 17 hours in 2005.  Could the lesser hours be due to modern appliances . . . hiring a maid service twice a month . . . or a willingness to forego having a spotless house?

Husbands work less around the house but not more than women. An economist from the Institute For Social Research argues men are doing more than twice as much housework compared to 20 years ago. However, even though the amount of work women do has dropped, they still do more housework than men. 

Upon further inquiry, we find the study did not take into account the time men spend doing the lawn, home repairs, washing the cars, grocery shopping, going to the post office and a host of other errands that swallow up Saturday mornings.

Now don’t forget that in today’s work force, women work many hours outside the home, so the men, hopefully, will help pick up the slack. If not, how do women enlist their husbands into the work force of helping around the house?

•Make a list of each other’s chores. Write down everything that has to be done and divvy it out evenly.  If one partner fails to do his or her job, then he or she has to take that item from the partner’s list and add that item to their list. 

•Try not to rescue your mate. It is tempting to want to jump in and do his unfinished work especially if you asked him to vacuum. Here’s the cure:  "Sorry, honey I couldn’t do your laundry since I had to vacuum the house,” or “I know you wanted me to take your suits to the cleaners but since I was taking the kids to all their activities while you read the newspaper, I couldn’t get around to it.”

•Approach housework as a team.  You both work. You come home exhausted.   You can both make it easier on each other. One can give the kids a bath while the other empties the dishwasher.

•Make ultimatums. If your mate refuses to help around the house, then request that he do his own laundry. If he chooses to be a couch potato instead, then let him wake up one morning to find he has no more clean underwear. 

•Be complimentary.  Flattery works very well in doing housework.  Acknowledge how busy or tired your spouse is, but tell him you need his help anyway. Yes, you know it’s his day off, but you need some muscle to do certain power cleaning jobs.   
John

Email John: johnsblog@teshmedia.com

I've got more tips about handling marital conflicts in my new book Intelligence For Your Life.  You can purchase it at your local bookstore or go online at Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble.