Ways To Keep Your Teens From Fighting

The new trend of teens beating up a fellow teen just to post a video of the attack on YouTube or MySpace is most disturbing.   

Recently, eight teenagers videotaped the brutal thrashing of a 16 year old Florida girl.  The teens lured the unsuspecting high school student to a friend’s home to attack her and then posted the film of the pounding on YouTube.

Who can we blame?  The website for allowing videotaped beatings on their site, the teens for using violence to gain internet notoriety or the parents for raising physically aggressive adolescents?

Psychologists warn of a connection between increasing internet usage and increasing violence among teens. Therapists suggest adults get more involved in what kids are doing online.

While your teens may not go to the extreme of beating up one of their classmates, it’s not uncommon for them to get involved in serious verbal disputes with each other.  Before parents try to stop teens from fighting, consider thesel issues:

What Parents Need to Know About Teens Fighting

•You cannot always protect your kids from conflicts. Teens need to learn how to deal with differences with their friends in a positive way.

As parents you can help by acting like a coach or cheerleader when your child is caught in a dispute. If you’re always jumping into your teen’s battles to solve them, you rob them of learning how to resolve matters on their own. 

However, you can’t totally remove yourself as a parent.  You have to monitor the bickering and negative exchange to make sure the conflict does not become physical or involve internet harassment. If a conflict is getting of control, as a parent you have the right to contact the school to step in.

•You cannot treat your child as a victim.  Every conflict has two sides and your child has contributed to the conflict in some way.  Ask your child how they fueled the fire of their dispute and challenge them to take responsibility.

•Teach your child friendships are supposed to be positive. If a friendship causes your teen stress and trouble, then ending the relationship might be a good thing. Someone who fills your life with hurt and betrayal is not a friend.  It may be time to walk away and focus on friends who will be true to you.

What Teens Need To Know to Stop the Fighting

Teach your child to take the initiative to end a feud. Once your teen contacts their estranged friend, they can focus on  why the fight started in the first place.  Let me suggest the following plan of action from Wikihow, you can suggest to your teen to salvage the friendship:

•Explain to your friend how you miss their friendship.

•Reply to any response they give and feelings they share.  If they tell you they were hurt by things you said, ask for their forgiveness.

•Admit you had no idea how your words or actions caused them so much hurt.

•Confess to them you were hurt by the things they said as well.

•Share your feelings and allow one another the freedom to listen. It will take the both of you to put the dispute to rest.

•Request you both meet in person and get everything out in the open.  If they’re open to meeting with you, perhaps your friendship is on the mend.   

John
Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

In my book Intelligence For Your Life:  Powerful Lessons For Personal Growth you'll read more about how to take care of your relationships.  You can purchase the book at your local bookstores or order it online from Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.

Comments

[Esther Rodriquez]

I got much needed advice about friendship that gone bad . thank you John Tesh you are a God send. I feel much better. Thank you again.