Taming Fear

What is the one thing you fear that is holding you back from accomplishing more in your life?  For a great part of my life my biggest fear was stage fright.  That's right, and in today's excerpt from my new book Intelligence For Your Life:  Powerful Lessons For Personal Growth I want to tell you how I overcame stage fright.

It is not possible to live a passionate life, if you live as a slave to your fears. Fear neutralizes success. Fear limits your possibilities. Fear is a waste. If you live there, you will lose your life.

I have read many studies on fear, and the one common thread seems to be that most of us develop our fears based merely on being out of our comfort zone. When we are presented with a different or unusual scenario, our body becomes our enemy. Heart rate, blood pressure and respiration all go through the roof. We feel threatened, so our body’s natural fight-or-flight response kicks in. Then we take action to get everything back to normal. We make serious personal resolutions, many of which aren’t healthy: no more public speaking, no more blind dates, no more roller coasters, no more plane trips, no more going outside.

If we let fear win, we lose. We lose our ability to grow. In a world of possibilities, we see none. For the first thirty-five years of my life I suffered from stage fright so badly that I would get horrible heart palpitations and have trouble breathing. It was my body’s way of telling me something was terribly wrong (I got the same loss of sensation when I was working insanely stressful hours—the kind of overwork that takes years off your life). My fear of getting up in front of a crowd was so profound that I would do anything to avoid it.

Now you may ask, “How is it possible that someone who works on network television and who broadcasts to millions of people every night could have stage fright?” It’s hard to explain; it’s just different. When you are in a television studio you are relating to a camera and in most cases a cameraperson who has been your friend for years. When you make a comment, even when you make a mistake, the only reaction is from the TV crew and/or the director. Once you get accustomed to the little red light, there is no trepidation at all. It’s a job, only this one happens to include a TelePrompTer and some makeup.

But speaking to a live audience? For me, it was fish-out-of water time. And that’s not all that bad a metaphor—confused, struggling, flapping around wildly while gasping for air. I have no idea why I had such horrible stage fright. I’m sure it had something to do with those piano recitals in my youth, or maybe some deep psychological wound inflicted by my parents. In any case, it was bad. Even when I was selling thousands of records I managed to find an excuse to avoid performing live. I can’t tell you how many horrible nightmares I have sweated through that included me losing my place in a song or standing up to speak with nothing coming out.

Then I met psychotherapist John Hart. A violin player who had a similar problem recommended Dr. Hart to me. In fact, Dr. Hart specialized in performance anxiety issues. One of the first things he told me was that he would not prescribe a pill to cure my anxiety. He wanted to arm me with a plan rather than offer an easy fix that could have horrible side effects.

Dr. Hart’s first tip shocked me. “We must perfect your fear.” Huh? Yeah, his first bit of therapy involved re-creating one of my worst fears, feeling it deeply, and then doing it again. Since one of my most vivid dreams was making a mistake while playing a live concert, Dr. Hart had me rehearse doing this. During the therapy I would play halfway through a piece, then hit a wrong note. Dr. Hart would make me provide a detailed description of how I felt. Then we did it again. And again. It started to become comical.

Dr. Hart’s point in prescribing this exercise was to illustrate that my worst fear was the fear of how I would feel if I made a mistake. If I could accustom myself to knowing the feeling, I would no longer be held hostage by it. It would just be another feeling, like hot or cold, hungry or full. His next step was to have me come to grips with the fact that I would eventually make a mistake, and that it was part of the performance.

Next he gave me tricks to use when I did make a mistake . . . smiling, shrugging my shoulders, or even making a self-deprecating comment. Above all, Dr. Hart wanted me to have a plan. Part one was to own the feeling. Part two was to accept the inevitability that something would happen. Part three was an action plan.

You can read more about this life-changing action plan in my new book Intelligence For Your Life.  My book can be purchased at Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble.

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Comments

[Sandra Zimmer]

Hello John!

It is wonderful for an accomplished performer to share his personal fears. It gives others courage to reach through their own fears and to reach for their dreams.

I want to acknowledge and support the process that Dr. Hart guided you through that helped you transform some stage fright. For 20 years, I have been guiding people through stage fright and fear of public speaking. My work came from my own terror about being the center of attention. Out of my terror, I created a process called the Zimmer Method that sounds similar to Dr. Harts ideas. The steps are first learn to feel the fear and tension, then describe it or express it outloud to a supportive group and finally allow yourself to relax into the tension and fear. When you do this process in a supportive group, the tension dissolves out of the body. Even more amazing, the tension of being the center of attention transforms into presence and passion! My discovery has been that people who have the most stage fright have the potential to be among the most compelling presenters and performers because they have the feelings. Their feelings are up to the surface where they can be used to create authentic emotional connection with listeners. I will bet that when you transformed your stage fright, you gained access to more passion than you had experienced before.

Thanks for letting me share some about my method through your blog and thanks for upir open and honest sharing about soem of your transformational process. This is what will transform the world - authenticity!

Sandra Zimmer