Three Steps That Will Boost Your Marriage

Today's excerpt from my book, Intelligence For Your Life: Powerful Lessons For Personal Growth, places the spotlight on working on your marriage. We always hear people say they need to "work on their marriage" but how does that really translate into action?

The key here is never to assume that your relationship will fall into place. Like in your workplace, it’s not advisable to just coast through the marriage commitment. You must set goals, have a plan, and show up every day ready to move forward.

A breather when you get home.
At the end of the day, everybody needs ten to fifteen minutes to de-compress. You need to be alone as you shed your work persona and prepare for a much more important relationship. And so does your spouse.

Behaving like you’re married.
What? Yeah, a lot of married people still make choices as if they were single, like putting their friends first or booking a sixty-city concert tour and then telling your wife you’ll be gone for a few months (Yes, I actually did that in our second year of marriage). Realize that from the moment you committed to each other, you became partners. Emotional partners. Business partners.

Saying “I love you” at least once a day.
I’m not talking the mumbling peck on the cheek—”hello, goodbye, love ya.” From now on, look your partner right in the eyes and say it: “I love you.” Scientists will tell you that even if you are not feeling very loving at the time, just saying it creates a loving feeling in you by triggering your bonding hormone, (a.k.a. oxytocin).

Let me close with this Big Life Question:  Do I really love my mate?

According to psychologist Dr. Petra Boynton from University College in London, if the answer to the question “Do I really love my mate?” isn’t a whole-hearted YES, don’t panic. Most people will answer “Yes, but . . .”

And it’s what follows that "but" that determines whether or not your relationship is solid. If you answer something like “Yes, but I need more space,” or “Yes, but I hardly ever see him”—you’ve pinpointed your problem and you can work on fixing it.

If, on the other hand, your answer is “Yes, but she’s always criticizing me,” or “Yes, but he’s always looking at other women,” you’re talking about problems that are not so contained. The two of you probably need to get help from a counselor to get things sorted out.

And if you answer no? If you’re talking about someone you’re dating, you might need to move on. If you’re talking about your spouse, go straight to a counselor—I recommend calling for an appointment today—and get this sorted out!

In my new book, Intelligence For Your Life, I have included a major section on marriage. You can purchase your copy of my book at your local bookstore or online at Amazon.com or Barnes and Noble.

Comments

[Suzanne]

Good Morning!

Well, I have just finished your book. I take a while because like a Snickers candy bar, I love to savor the things that stick to my gut. And you do say a lot of sticking things!
Somehow when I got on this blog, my first by the way, and how and why I did, I have no clue, just hopefully, prayerfully, it was because I was suppose to and since I had written you before about my purpose driven life and whether I should pursue those things of art and why, you had quite a good answer for me when you said something along the line of, "Yes, we do what we must, because God puts it into us to do". I suppose my question about pursuing what we must is just this. WHY do we have to show someone what we have done with what's inside us? Why do you HAVE to play music for other people? To win souls for God? Or is it to show the world what's yearning in you? What IS this thing to create and cast out for all the world to see? Why do we have to do this? Why can't I be content to take a good picture, frame it and put it on my wall for MYSELF to enjoy do you suppose? Or, why am I so intent when the passion hits me, to do a canvas of texture and color which no one but me will probably appreciate? Why do I even consider showing this canvas to the world when I don't even believe anyone else but God will understand it?
What is this John? Why is this????
I remain wonderin' and closing in on my anguish about it all, because I believe God has sent you to help when no one else has, and I will thank Him as soon as I send this to you!
Thanks, and I hope you and yours has a simply, sweet-filled day!

Suzanne