The John Tesh Blog

Wondering who you are, and what really matters to you in your life? Time to find out. Here's a hint: purpose and balance!

First things first in our quest to answer this, my friend:  if you're wondering who the "you" you are really is- you're far from alone.  From Oprah.com and WebMD, here is a little help to take those first steps of personal discovery.  Personal coach Laura Berman Fortgang,  author of "NOW WHAT? 90 Days to a New Life Direction", says getting your priorities clear is the first and most essential step toward achieving a well-balanced life. The important point here is to figure out what you want your priorities to be, not what you think they should be.

"I use an exercise for figuring out what matters most," Fortgang tells WebMD. She has her clients take a couple days off from work to contemplate the following series of questions:

1. If my life could focus on one thing and one thing only, what would that be?
2. If I could add a second thing, what would that be?
3. A third?
4. A fourth?
5. A fifth?
   

If you answer thoughtfully and honestly, the result will be a list of your top five priorities. Fortgang says a typical top-five list might include aspects such as children, spouse, satisfying career, community service, religion or spirituality, health, sports, art, hobbies such as gardening and adventure/travel.

Ismael Al-Ramahi, a graduate student at Baylor College of Medicine, says his current priorities are his wife, his 4-month-old son, and his research. He tells WebMD the key is not only knowing your priorities, but devoting your full attention to just one priority at a time. "Split your time and your mind so that you're thinking about work when you're at work and you're paying attention to the baby when you're with him."

Your purpose exists- never doubt that.  Trust yourself to know what your heart and mind are telling you.  Honesty with yourself and, perhaps, letting go of fears that might be holding you back could be the keys to bringing your purpose (or purposes!) to life!

Workaholic? You? Could be. Burned out from it? Likely.

Loving what you do for a living is a precious gift- trust me!  I know what I'm talking about here.  Following my own passion and using my skills to the best of my ability has given me riches in ways I couldn't have imagined 15 years ago.  And maybe you're there, too- I hope so. 

But lately...as much as you love your job, it seems to have taken over your life. You never take a break -- and you're beginning to burn out.  But in a job market that is tainted with so much uncertainty these days, who can afford to give in to "job burnout"?  SO- stop whatever you're doing right now and take a deep breath. Make that a few deep breaths. Before your brain goes completely on the fritz, ask yourself these questions put to us from Whole Living :

When was the last time I took a real lunch? What about leaving on time? And when was my last vacation? If the answer to any of the above is "I don't know," it's time to start putting yourself first and get your priorities straight - and to realize they're your priorities to set.

"Work doesn't take over our lives unless we allow it to," according to life coach Cheryl Richardson. "You need to set boundaries - and if you're overwhelmed, then go to your boss and tell her that while you're committed to success, you can't succeed without some help. It's her job to help you manage it." Another word to the wise: Don't be a hero. "Nothing kills a hero faster than trying to take on more work than she can reasonably do," says Richardson.

There are steps you can take to make sure you're setting healthy boundaries at work. Start with getting outside for your entire lunch break. "When you change your geography and get some fresh air, you change your thinking," says Carol Ross, a career coach based in the Denver area. Ross recommends taking a midday walk or run -- even if that means eating at your desk later. Not only will exposure to natural sunlight boost your mood, it will get you out of your head by engaging all your senses and possibly triggering new and creative ideas.

Next, know when to call it quits for the day. Working mothers and fathers have a built-in excuse to leave work on time; those who don't have kids can find it challenging to turn off the computer at a reasonable hour. To create some structure, Ross suggests scheduling an activity right after work - a yoga class or a date with a friend - to get you out the door on time.

Once you do get home, put away your BlackBerry, email, and cell phone, collectively known as the electronic leash - at least for a little while. "This sense of urgency is self-imposed," she says. "Very few 'emergencies' can't wait until the next day."

Lastly, take that vacation. Studies show that people who take regular vacations are less likely to have heart attacks, and they also report lower levels of stress and depression; they even have happier marriages.

Not only that, taking a decent amount of time off will keep you from burning out, allowing you to return to your job with newfound energy and vigor. Instead of complaining that you don't get enough vacation days, try using up the ones you already have. A 2007 survey conducted by expedia.com found that 51 million Americans are vacation deprived, taking only 11 of the 14 days that they've earned.

A happier, more content, you = a happier, more content employee.  This is what we call a win-win, friend, and the happiest people of all?  Your family...and you.

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

The job market is pretty tough these days. How about working for yourself?

Job search got you feeling a little down?  At this point in your job search, you may be wondering if the perfect job really exists. If you are self-motivated and have a desire to be your own boss, NES Staffing suggests that now may be the time to consider opening your own business.

There are many business opportunities available, including freelance consulting, franchise businesses and much more. It depends on a lot of factors, including the level of effort you are willing to make and how much support you'll need throughout the start-up of your business. Let's focus on the idea of owning a franchise.

Did you know that franchise businesses have a 97% success rate within 5 years of opening, according to the United States Chamber of Commerce? When researching what type of business you would like to own, it is important to evaluate all of your options and your own skills; then consider if owning a franchise is right for you.

• Do What You Love. There are many franchise opportunities available, such as food chains, fitness gyms and even pet franchises. Whatever your passion is, there is likely a franchise business that will allow you to do something you love, while still making a profit.
• Spend Less Time Getting Started. When starting a franchise business, the franchisor will help expedite the start-up phase by providing an action plan and helping you make crucial decisions such as site location, hiring new staff members and promoting your grand opening.
• Benefit from National Brand Recognition. A significant benefit to owning a franchise business is the brand awareness and national advertising power. Franchisors will help you establish an effective marketing plan and provide appropriate advertising materials to effectively promote your business and help make your company a success.
• Reduce Risk as a Business Owner. When you decide to start a franchise business, you are essentially buying into a proven business model that offers experience, expertise and resources to help support the growth of your business and minimize costly mistakes.
• Get On-Going Business Support. Franchise organizations can provide guidance and training to help your business grow and prosper. Franchisees receive on-going assistance with customer satisfaction, technology, marketing initiatives, recruitment, managing personnel and the profitability of your business.

Whether you are looking to start your own business or are still searching for the perfect job, one thing we can all agree on is that the best way to stay competitive in the job market is to keep up with industry trends and stay informed by reading industry magazines- you might even consider a short term internship, or volunteering to get your foot in the door. In the end, though, is that what is right for you and your family can only be determined by YOU.

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

Simple ideas that might save your cooking mishaps!

I enjoy cooking- really I do.  My lovely, and very Italian, wife, however, can dance all over my boasting abilities in the kitchen, and I'll admit to my ample share of goofs in my cooking efforts.  No matter what our respective level of culinary success...or lack thereof, sometimes, WE GOOF!  But how frustrating it can be when everyone's hungry, things have gone awry, and you hadn't really thought of "Plan B", not to mention, the aggravation of wasting money by throwing food in the trash.  AOL Food has just the recipe to help you save the supper when some common kitchen mishaps happen.

Not-so-perfect-pasta:
All chefs muck up and overcook pasta every once in a while. It's not the end of the world; just give the noodles a solid sauté in olive oil or butter. Then sprinkle them with grated Parmesan cheese, or deglaze the still-hot pan with a touch of white wine and splash of cream and reduce it to a luscious sauce.

Crusty, and stale, bread:
Restore life to stale bread by slipping it into a 325 oven in a lightly dampened paper bag. When the bag is dry, your bread will have regained its former softness. Stale bread is a natural fit for breadcrumbs, croutons, crostini, bread pudding, and a sumptuous Italian tomato salad called panzanella.

Old eggs:
If you can't recall when you bought that carton of eggs and want to make sure they're still fresh, place them gently into a bowl of water. Rotten eggs will float, and the fresh ones will stay fully submerged. The fresher they are, the more quickly they will sink.

Lumps in the potatoes:
Some people do like lumpy spuds, but for those who don't, if the mashed potatoes are already made, give them a good re-smashing with a ricer, rather than with an electric mixer. The mixer may take out the lumps, but it can also result in a gluey consistency.

To get the potatoes off to a smooth start the next time, don't toss them into boiling water since the outer parts will cook much faster then the insides. Put them into cold water, so all regions heat evenly.

Popcorn won't pop:
The kernels may have dried out, and they need some moisture to pop. Soak them in water for about five minutes, drain and pat them dry and try again. If that doesn't work, place them in a container in the freezer overnight and go for a re-pop the next day.

Over-baked cookies:
Cookies a bit crispier than you'd like? Pop them into a plastic bag or plastic container, along with a few apple slices or a slice of bread wrapped in a paper towel. They should soften within 24 hours. Five seconds in a microwave can also work wonders.

Burned cake:
Evenly remove the burned top or sides by holding a serrated knife in place while rotating plated layers, or scrape off individual scorched patches with a small grater. Fan away any loose crumbs, and then frost extra thickly to hide any surface unevenness.

Or, the converse, underdone cake:
If it's too late to slide it back into the oven, scoop out the gooey middle and fill the hole with fruit, ice cream or whipped cream.

Torn pie crust:
Even veteran piemakers have cruddy crust days. If your pastry tears, roll a patch of dough to the same thickness and flatten the edges. Brush some lightly beaten egg white on the contact points and lightly press it onto the main shell. The whites will act as an adhesive so filling won't seep out. If the rip is in the top, mask it by brushing the surface with cold water and sprinkling it with large-grained sugar before baking.

Sprinkle extra crust scraps with cinnamon and sugar and bake them on a cookie sheet for a sweet treat while you're waiting for the pie to cool.

Bitter coffee:
Coffee a bit bitter, but you don't want to toss out the whole pot? Add a pinch of salt to balance it. If you find that the fault is in the coffee you bought, rather than than from over-brewing, add a clean, dry eggshell to the grounds for a so-called "cowboy coffee."

Hard cheese ends:
Hardened cheese rinds make incredible stock for savory soups  like minestrone, butternut squash and French onion. While Parmesan is the traditional variety, feel free to experiment with cheddar, gouda, or whatever cheese you choose. Just stash hardened ends in the freezer until it's time to use them.

Stale cereal:
Past-prime cereal can be zapped back to life with 30-45 seconds on a plate in a microwave. Let it rest for a minute and then enjoy as usual. Ground in a blender, or crushed under a rolling pin, unsweetened varieties can pinch hit as breadcrumbs, or swapped in for half a cup of flour in muffin or cookie recipes.

Too-ripe fruits:
So long as fruit's not rotten or moldy, it can likely be salvaged. Slice it, sprinkle with sugar and set aside until juices form. Then add a dash of vanilla, cinnamon, nutmeg, brandy or red wine and serve with whipped or ice cream, or blended with ice, milk or yogurt for a satisfying smoothie. Cook down berries or stone fruit in a 2:1 mixture of sugar and water for an incredible syrup and use apples, pears or grapes in rustic pies and tarts.

Dry meat:
You can't uncook dry meat, but you can do your best to mask the damage. Pour the drippings into a pan, add 2-4 cups of stock, and bring that to a boil. Slice the meat, place it in a roasting pan or casserole dish, and add the stock mixture. Cover this with foil and place it in a warm oven for five minutes. The meat should regain some of its moisture.

Wilty vegetables:
Many vegetables can be revived to their former state of crispiness with a soak in icy water and a dash of vinegar. Root veggies like rutabagas and turnips can still be made into an excellent mash. If they're truly past their peak for standalone serving, they're still ideal for making stock. Cut celery, carrots, onions, peppers, leeks and whatever else you've got on hand into large chunks (no need to peel), and simmer them in salted water for about an hour. Strain out the vegetables, and use the stock for soup, stew, risotto, sauteeing and more. Freeze it in ice cube trays for future use. For a deeper flavor, roast the veggies in the oven first.

Or overcooked veggies:
If veggies have been cooked to mush, puree them with your favorite herbs and a bit of butter or olive oil and serve as a side dish. Blend and cook them with cream or stock and spices for an impromptu soup.

Too much salt:
Some folks swear by  dropping a peeled potato slice into the mix, but all that really does is draw out water. A more reliable bet is to add more liquid, some sugar or an acidic solution like vinegar to balance out the brine.

You got too free-handed with the hot sauce:
Tame the sting of excess heat with a touch of sweetness. Tomatoes, or even a squirt of ketchup, can add sugar and acid which will fan the flames. If a touch of dairy won't interfere with the flavor of the dish, add a dollop of plain yogurt. If you've got more of your ingredients on hand, make a double batch with everything but the hot stuff, and blend the two together.

Or with the sugar:
A spoonful of cider vinegar or a squeeze of lemon juice can knock down sweetness a few notches in most dishes. It can also be cut with a dash of fat, like butter, olive oil or cream.

Too much heat under the soup:
If soup starts to scorch on the bottom, turn off the heat and stop stirring immediately so the burned portions don't flavor the rest of the soup. Gently pour the top portion into a fresh pan -- and keep an eye on it this time!

You turned wine to vinegar:
Once wine is exposed to air, it will start to change, and eventually degrade. While this wine might not be drinkable on its own, it's a perfect sub for vinegar in salad dressings, stews, egg poaching, meat marinades and braising liquid.

Your chef hat just might not be taken away if you can make a fantastic save with one of these tips.  Or, you can always be "the quickest-thinking person in the room" by ordering out for pizza!

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

Going green- even when you're traveling, sometimes starts with reusing.

Ahh...Summertime is (nearly!) here.  If you're getting some plans together for Summer vacation, think about going green, too, while you're gone.  A little bit of ingenuity can go a long way toward being green- even the next time you're traveling.  Real Simple gives us a little lesson in finding a new and clever way to get some use out of items you have either at home already, or might pick up on your trip.

Address Labels

Original purpose: Telling the post office where to return a letter.

New use: Tagging precious travel items, such as your iPod and digital camera. If you accidentally leave a device on the airplane, a Good Samaritan will know where to mail it.

Book Covers

Original purpose: Protecting your biology textbook.

New use: Letting you blend in with the locals. A travel guide screams "I’m lost!" but cloaking it in pretty paper or the jacket of a book in the native language will give you a much lower profile.

Plastic Wrap

Original purpose: Keeping leftovers fresh.

New use: Avoiding suitcase messes. When packing shampoo or lotion, unscrew the bottle’s cap and cover the opening with plastic wrap, then screw the cap back on. Liquid is less likely to ooze from an accidentally opened spout.

Water Bottle

Original purpose: Providing hydration.

New use: Preventing souvenir maps, ticket stubs, postcards, and museum brochures from bending or tearing in your suitcase. Just roll them up and drop them into a dry, wide-mouthed bottle.

Coasters

Original purpose: Preventing pesky water rings on wood.

New use: Tagging gifts for the people at home. Hang on to cardboard coasters from the bars and the restaurants you visit on your journey. When you return home with souvenirs for friends and family, punch a hole near the edge of the coaster, tie a ribbon through the hole, and write a quick note in an empty space (or on the blank side).

Hotel Matchbook

Original purpose: Sparking things up.

New use: Finding your way home. Toss a matchbook that bears the hotel name and address into your bag. If you forget the address or encounter a language barrier, you can simply show it to your taxi driver.

Checkbook Case

Original purpose: Keeping your checkbook in check.

New use: Separating foreign currency from American bills in your handbag or wallet so you don't mix up your paper trail.

Shower Cap

Original purpose: Protecting your hair when you would rather not lather, rinse, and repeat.

New use: Preventing dirty or sand-covered shoes from mingling with (and soiling) neatly packed clothes.

Kids' Floaties

Original purpose: Keeping your little boy buoyant during an afternoon dip.

New use: Buffering breakables in a suitcase. Place delicate items, such as wine bottles and precious trinkets, inside an inflated arm floaty, and it will shield against bumps, bruises, and breaks.

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

Can't find anything? Time to de-clutter- this time for good!

Ever hear stories about people who have so much clutter lying around the house they lose important things, like a bill that, going unpaid, will bring a big late fee next month?  Sound  too familiar, like it's happened to you, or you've lost something else equally important?  It's super easy to let it happen, I know.  It might not be quite so super easy to change your unorganized habits, but it isn't hard, either.  Plus, the worry and stress you save yourself can easily make some efforts now completely worthwhile.  We shared these 7 tips for reducing clutter on the radio show.

1. The first rule is actually a reality check-..If you can't find what you need within 5 minutes, no matter what you think, yes, your house is cluttered.
2. Get everyone in your family on the declutter, organization bandwagon. Have everybody in the house pick 5 personal items that can be thrown away or given to charity.
3. If the countertop or table surface isn't visible, take action ASAP.
4. Establish a specific place for the things you use every day   especially in the entryway or kitchen--hooks for keys, a basket for the mail, hooks for coats, a basket for shoes left by the door.
5. Always give the living room a quick pickup before bedtime. Be relentless in tossing out papers, newspapers, magazines, and junk mail.

The sixth rule for reducing clutter:

6. Every time you bring something new into the house, try to make sure something old goes out.
7. And the final rule: If you aren't using it--or haven't used it in a year, get rid of it.

Then enjoy what you've done, and make a weekly commitment to yourself to keep it that way.  Let's try out a new mantra to help us keep focused on the prize of organization:  a place for everything, and everything in its place.  Repeat.

Finding yourself with a 3-day weekend?  Maybe in between picnics and parades, you can carve out a little time to get yourself started.  You'll sleep better, you'll work better, and I can guarantee you'll feel much better without monthly late fees for any bills you couldn't find!

Have a wonderful Memorial Holiday weekend as we remember, with love and gratitude, those who have served for us.

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

Fire up, friends! Grilling season is here.

Ahh...remember last Memorial Day?  Gorgeous day, the yard looked great because the family worked tirelessly, and agreeably for once! to make inside and out look festive and welcoming.  You cooked and prepared.  Finally, time for the guests, and everyone's having a fabulous time!  Your in-laws are all speaking to one another.  What could go wrong?  Well, you found out, didn't you?  Got the dogs and burgers on the grill, turned them after a few minutes, and then...nothing.  That's when your spouse asked you if you'd checked the propane tank earlier that day.  Oops.  OK- lessons learned, right?  Not going to happen again- no sir, not on your watch!  How about if we make sure of that before this upcoming, unofficial start to Summer, holiday weekend arrives, bringing your chance for redemption.  Real Simple magazine's going to walk you through it, with the tips you need to have your grill- gas or charcoal- in top condition, ready to go, and set to make you King or Queen of the Grill!

Clean the burner and tubes. Make sure the propane tank is turned off. Remove the briquettes and cooking grates, and carefully detach the gas tubes and burner. Clean the tubes with warm, soapy water and towel dry. Wipe the burner clean with a damp cloth. Towel dry the gas ports on the burner, then clean out each one with a toothpick.

Wash the grill. First, cover the gas valves with aluminum foil to protect the connections from corrosion. Wash the grill’s interior and exterior surfaces with a long-handled stiff-wire grill brush and warm, soapy water. Rinse thoroughly and towel dry, then reattach the gas tubes and burners.

Burn off the grease. During the grill season, briquettes transfer heat to the cooking grates, leaving them coated with grease. Before firing up your grill for the season’s inaugural cookout, flip over the briquettes, close the lid, and heat the grill on high for 15 minutes.

Clean the cooking grates. Cool the grill after burning off the grease. Remove the briquettes and cooking grates and scrub the grates with a long-handled stiff-wire grill brush and warm, soapy water. Towel dry, then replace, along with the briquettes.

Stock fuel levels. Check and replenish your propane or natural gas supply as necessary.  Maybe we should move this one to the top of the list, huh?  Corroding and rusted tanks should be recycled; return your tank to a propane supplier or check local listings for tank recycling companies.

But maybe last year- the propane tank fiasco, has you convinced to go old school for the grill, with your reliable charcoal grill.  That's covered, too.

Remove any ashes. If any remain from last season, dispose of them in a noncombustible container.

Clean the grate. Before you have your first cookout, light a fire and heat the grate for about 30 minutes. Then scrape it with a long-handled stiff-wire grill brush to remove any leftover bits of food. If you don't have a grill brush, use a ball of crumpled foil held in long-handled tongs.

Wash the grill. Wash the outside of the lid and firebox with warm, soapy water; use a steel-wool soap pad for stubborn interior stains. Rinse and dry.

Stock charcoal. Start the season right with an ample supply of charcoal (the amount will vary depending on how often you grill.)

Food, family and friends, good weather (sorry, no tips on how to ensure that), and with this checklist, you, my Grilling Master Friend, are ready to go. 

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

Brain food! And yes, I am talking FISH...in a way.

No one particularly likes to think- ruminate- on the prospect of growing old.  But we are, every one of us, every day.  If you feel especially concerned about certain age-related neurological illnesses because of a family history, you owe it to yourself and your loved ones to educate yourself.  Roughly 5 million Americans suffer from Alzheimer's disease, and those numbers are expected to more than triple by 2050. Many experts in the field agree that there isn't yet concrete data to tell you what you should be doing, but that good old "fish food", now referred to as brain-health supplements, show a good deal of promise in elderly patients with dementia.   If you're a healthy, middle-aged adult, and at risk for the disease as you age, many experts recommend these supplements.  Here's a detailed list, and how to get them into your daily nutritional plan from Whole Living:

Omega-3 Fatty Acids
These essential fatty acids appear to have a crucial influence on neurotransmitters in the brain by helping cells better communicate with each other. Although some experts suggest taking DHA (docosahexaenaoic acid), an omega-3 that is a primary structural component of brain tissue, research has focused on fish oil, which contains both DHA and EPA (eicosapentaenoic acid). Vegetarians can try flaxseed oil as a substitute, but experts say the body may not be able to convert flax oil efficiently.
Dosage:  Up to 3,000 mg per day split among three doses.

Folic Acid
In looking at more than 400 elderly patients, University of Iowa researchers found that 75 percent consumed too little folate, a B vitamin that might help prevent heart disease and stroke. In a more recent study published in "The Lancet," supplementing with folic acid (the synthetic form of folate) for three years was shown to improve cognitive function in adults. Even so, experts aren't sure whether taking a supplement can delay or prevent the onset of dementia. If you don't eat a lot of fortified foods such as cereals and store-bought bread, taking a supplement might help. It probably won't hurt, either: Folic acid and other B vitamins are water-soluble, so any excess is flushed from the body.
Dosage: 400 micrograms each day.

Vitamin C and Vitamin E
A 2004 study conducted by the Bloomberg School of Public Health at Johns Hopkins University found that older people who took large daily doses of the antioxidant vitamins C and E were 64 percent to 78 percent less likely to be diagnosed with Alzheimers disease. Although vitamin E lost some of its luster a year later when a report suggested that taking the supplement raised the risk of death, experts say that much of that data focused on synthetic tocopherols and that research techniques were flawed. When choosing a vitamin E supplement, make sure you look for one that contains natural mixed tocopherols, says Dr. David Rakel, director of the Integrative Medicine Program at the University of Wisconsin's School of Medicine and Public Health.
Dosage:  500 to 1,000 mg of vitamin C per day; 400 to 1,000 IU of vitamin E

Now on to the "fish food" you can eat.  We've talked a lot about these great for your mind foods on the radio show- we’re fans of omega-3s because they lower blood pressure and improve brain function. Eating fatty fish like salmon is the best way to increase your intake, but you can also get Omega-3s in everything from margarine to tortilla chips. 
Also try to add these into your daily diet, since they're also delicious sources of omega-3s:
salmon, mackerel and albacore tuna, as well as walnuts and flaxseeds.

Pretty smart of you, and using your noggin, too, to be a-head of this game, wouldn't you say?   Share your brain-food ideas with me, and every one of us can keep being the smartest people in the room!

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

10 Questions to Ask Before Saying 'I Do'

Congratulations, you've found Mr. or Ms. Right, fell in love and now the Big Day is right around the corner!  Whoa!  Hang on a minute, and read on.  We've uncovered some great ways to make sure your Big Day doesn't turn into Big Debt!   But before your special day arrives, do your soon-to-be and yourself a huge service by sitting down to ask, and discuss, some mighty big questions, from Kiplinger's Personal Finance Magazine.  You may save yourself some arguments later by talking about your money now.

More important than the cake, flowers or even the invitations is preparing for your financial future together. Make a date to sit down, discuss your goals and expectations and come up with a plan for an effective merger of your financial lives. It may not sound romantic, but considering that quarreling over money is one of the biggest causes of marital discord, a money talk may be just what Cupid ordered.

"Financial dates are a great way for couples to set priorities, build trust and increase marital bliss," says Jennifer Openshaw, chief executive of FamilyFN, a Los Angeles company that provides financial advice. "Probably the biggest mistake couples make is not talking about money. It's really about setting aside time so you can both plan for your hopes and dreams."

1. Where would you like to be in five or ten years? This question is the best way to start a money conversation, says Openshaw. For example, does one of you want to go back to school, start your own business or own a vacation home? And if you plan to raise a family, how many children and when? Would you both continue working, or would one spouse want to quit and stay home with the kids? You may think you know just what your future husband or wife is expecting, but have you asked in detail?  Talk about your hopes and dreams together, and now, to set your mutual priorities, and pinpoint for both of you what you need to do to achieve your savings goals.

2. What are our assets and liabilities? Before you can create an effective strategy to reach your goals, each person should fill out a net worth worksheet, detailing your own assets and liabilities. Once you know where you each stand right now, it's much easier to move forward. If you need help, you might think about consulting a financial professional to help you navigate through this, and make a livable plan.

This is the time, too, if you haven't discussed it already, to bring up a prenup.

A prenuptial agreement spells out how assets will be distributed in the event of a divorce. No one likes to think about it, especially right before the "happiest day of your life", but with about one-third of first marriages and half of second marriages ending in divorce, it makes sense to protect your financial interests.

Prenups aren't just for the super-rich. If either of you owns a home or has investments, owns a business, plans to support the other through school, or you have children from a previous marriage, you probably need a prenup.

Make sure you broach the subject with your partner as soon as possible. It may not be the most romantic discussion, but better now than bringing it up the night before the wedding. Learn more about prenups.

3. Should we keep our finances separate or combine them? Some couples relish the unity and trust that joint accounts foster, while others prefer more freedom and autonomy by maintaining separate accounts. Many couples decide that there is good to be said for both- some couples set up a joint account for household expenses, to which each of you contribute based on your respective incomes, while keeping separate accounts for personal spending.

The key is to find a system that works for you. Make sure you consider your individual money styles. If you are a saver and your partner is a spender, for example, you might find managing an all-purpose joint account too nerve wracking and opt for a combo approach or separate accounts entirely.

4. What about our investments? Whether or not you choose to combine your investment accounts is, again, entirely up to you. (Note: You cannot open joint IRAs or 401(k)s, but you can change beneficiary information.)

Nevertheless, it's important to view your portfolios as a whole to make sure you aren't overlapping. If you both hold shares of the same stock, for example, you could be placing yourselves at risk should anything happen to the company. Check for overlap in your mutual funds using Morningstar's free Instant X-Ray.

5. How will we handle daily spending decisions? One of the first tasks newlyweds should tackle is creating a budget. Sit down together and plot out how much you expect to spend on groceries, clothes, eating out and other household expenses.  Then be sure to add in a certain amount to prepare for unexpected expenses.

"Budget" doesn't have to be a four-letter word -- think of it as a means to reaching your goals.

You should also take this time to discuss other spending issues, such as how much each of you can spend without consulting the other. You probably don't want to discuss every $5 purchase, but you don't want to come home from work to find a brand new, and quite unexpected new car in the driveway, either.

6. Who will be responsible for paying the bills and preparing the taxes? Don't make what seem to be natural assumptions here, friend.  Sure, one of you might seem the logical choice, but all you need to do is bring it out in the open.  Be sure one of you won't feel any resentment about the choices to be made- who's going to write the checks, rebalance portfolios, sift through the dust every year at tax time, and other issues.  Is one of you more organized than the other?  As I said, these decisions might seem perfectly obvious to one of you- be sure they're clear to you both.  Make a monthly date to review the month's expenses, spend a few extra minutes to review where you stand on your current saving progress, and talk about the possibility of upcoming expenses, like vacations or bigger purchases.

No matter who ends up handling the bills in your marriage, make sure each partner knows where to find all the different account information, including Web sites, passwords and bill due dates in case anything should happen and the other person needs to take over the responsibilities.

7. What is your tolerance for financial risk? One of the biggest culprits in marital money fights is a mismatch of risk tolerance, says Jonathan Rich, author of The Couple's Guide to Love and Money.

"A lot of life's most important decisions involve weighing risks," Rich says. From investing strategies to career moves, if one of you prefers to take bigger risks in hope of bigger rewards while the other is content to play it safe, you could each end up resenting the other for his or her carelessness or for holding you back, says Rich.

Here's a small test, too, to see where you both stand. If you're on different ends of the risk spectrum, don't even try changing your spouse's point of view -- it won't happen. Instead, try to compromise on financial strategies that both of you can stomach.

8. What are our insurance options? Adding a spouse to your health insurance may be cheaper than maintaining separate plans. Consider your specific health needs, then look at the costs and benefits of each person's plan choosing. Combining your auto-insurance coverage will probably also save you money. You'll want make sure you have enough homeowners or renters insurance to protect your combined possessions. And what about life insurance? Do you need it? If you already have some, either privately or through an employer, do you need to change your beneficiary information?

9. How does your credit report look? The good news is that simply marrying a person with bad credit will not drag down your stellar record. What's his is his and what's hers is hers. So, if you apply for a car loan by yourself, your spouse's credit report won't even enter the picture.

But when it comes to applying for joint financing -- say, you plan to buy a house together -- lenders will consider both your histories. It's better to know ahead of time of any potential problems than to receive bad news in the mortgage lender's office that you're stuck with a higher interest rate, don't qualify for as much money as you'd planned or that you're being turned down for the loan entirely.

Order copies of your credit reports. You are entitled to a free copy each year from the three major credit bureaus through AnnualCreditReport.com. You and your partner should examine your reports, look for errors and fix them. Then, if there's room for improvement, come up with a plan to boost your credit score.

10. How will we tackle existing debt? Make a pact to pay off your debts. Start with the balances that carry the highest interest rates.  You may choose to work individually or collectively to pay off debts you accrued before the wedding, but don't add each others names to your obligations. Also, consolidating your own student loans to lock in record-low rates is a good move -- but, again, don't merge your loans with your spouse's. The commingled debt would be nearly impossible to untangle should you ever divorce, and if one of you were to default, the other would be left holding the bag. 

THERE.  Take these steps now, and enjoy the feeling of financial peace of mind and confidence that are as much a part of your new life together as the vows you're ready to take together.

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

Feeling a little "Monday Ugh"?

Ok, so maybe Monday seemed to be off to a good enough start, and quickly nosedove!  Don't despair, my friend, and don't give up on the day.  It may not be a total loss, and you have a great chance to turn it around!  It depends largely on your willingness to change your thinking.  Whole Living has the recipe you need.

You spill a cup of coffee all over your desk. How do you react? If you're chatting on the phone with a friend, perhaps making a plan to meet for lunch- hey, no big deal- you shrug and chalk it up to pleasant distraction. If it's right before an important meeting, you feel annoyed, even angry with yourself. Why the difference? In one scenario, it's just an accident. In the other, it goes to prove your day is doomed.

There's a reason for this: We view the world through our mood-colored glasses, interpreting events according to how we feel at the time. But while we may swear that the guy who cuts us off in traffic ruined our morning, it's the way we respond that creates our experience. Life's little annoyances themselves don't sour a day; they are more of a mirror image of the mood we're already in. This same idea holds even more truth for the bigger things that stop us in our tracks.  "When you focus on negative thoughts or memories, you begin to interpret events around you through that lens, which generates more negative thoughts," says cognitive psychologist John Selby, coauthor of "Take Charge of Your Mind." It's a vicious cycle -- and one that can cause even the best of moods to plummet.

Research in cognitive psychology shows that our thoughts determine the quality of our emotions, moods, actions, and life experiences. "So nothing is more urgent or more important than learning how to take charge of our thinking," says Selby. He created a technique to break "thought addiction," or an inability to let go of past regrets and future worries in order to enjoy the present moment. The approach uses "cognitive shifting," which helps you move between states of mind and optimize your mental performance. In pairing that mental shift with specific phrases you say to yourself, you build a powerful habit that can overcome the tendency to "read" events in a negative way. In short: You stop letting little things upend entire days.

Here are the steps to try.  Keep in mind- the exercises sound very simple, but remember: like any good skill, it requires practice. "You'll feel the effects right away, but if you continue to do it for two or three weeks, you will experience even more powerful results," Selby says. Then those flat tires, missed appointments, insensitive emails, and torn hems won't rankle you as they once did.

Wake Up
When negative thoughts or difficult circumstances begin to upset you and make your blood pressure rise, stop and say to yourself: "I feel the air flowing in and out of my nose." Let those words gently guide your attention to the actual experience of breathing.

Why It Works
To control mood swings, says Selby, we need to sidestep the negative thoughts that generate our moods by shifting attention instead to sensory experiences. This breaks the free fall into an anxious or depressed emotional state. "This attention shift gets you out of past-future fixations and into the present moment," he explains. By practicing this first step, you'll get more adept at stopping a bad mood in its tracks.

Go Deeper
Now that you've temporarily halted the downward spiral, expand your awareness to include the breathing experience in your torso. Say to yourself: "I'm also aware of the movements in my chest and belly." Don't make any special effort to breathe; rather, feel the natural flow of your breath as it moves in and out.

Why It Works
In this step, you add a layer to the experience. You make yourself aware of your nose and head as well as your chest and belly. How would that help a bad mood? As Selby explains, it's hard to focus on two or more sensations at the same time -- and keep thinking negative thoughts.

Open Your Heart
Next, deepen the exercise by opening yourself up to positive feelings -- a step that goes beyond simply quelling negative thoughts. Say to yourself this third focus phrase: "I'm also aware of the feelings in my heart."

Why It Works
Mood management requires much more than mental control; it depends on creating a connection with positive emotions. In cultivating empathy through a focus on your heart, you shift from feeling bored and detached to feeling compassionate and optimistic. Selby says this expanded focus on the heart has been shown in cognitive studies to stimulate a sense of warmth and relaxation, which also helps to combat a negative mood.

Expand Your Joy
With your heart open and your breath flowing, make a choice to fully regain your sense of well-being and empowerment. Expand your attention to include full-body awareness by saying to yourself: "I'm aware of my whole body at once, here in this present moment."

Why It Works 
On any given day, you likely feel spontaneous moments of peace that arise when you're watching children play, for instance, or exercising or witnessing a beautiful sunset. The last step of this sequence helps you consciously initiate this relaxing feeling so you feel whole and in the moment by choice rather than by chance. After all, the things you focus on help create your mood -- and what you focus on is up to you. By waking up to the present moment, you regain your sense of well-being and control. As Selby explains, "You can shift from being the victim of your mood swings to being the victor."

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.