The John Tesh Blog

Bye buy Black Friday- any deals left for you?

So you decided to stay in on Black Friday, instead of joining in the shopping frenzy, huh? And Cyber Monday came and went before you became one of the 4 million people per  minute shopping online? Wow That's a lot of people. Are there any deals left for your holiday shopping? Absolutely- so start your buying online! Here’s what you need to know, courtesy of Real Simple magazine.

• Start early. As in – well...if it wasn't on Thanksgiving Day, Black Friday or Cyber Monday- let's get going! Regina Lewis is a consumer advisor for AOL, who recommends starting your shopping early. By early, she means really early. Most major online retailers – like Kohl’s, Target and Best Buy- tend to make changes to their website overnight, from about 1 A.M. to 4 A.M. Lewis says this is the online equivalent of restocking the shelves and doing markdowns. So, you can log on when you get up and take advantage of the sales!
• Get advance copies of store circulars. Just go to GotaDeal.com. They posts ads and circulars weeks before the big shopping day, featuring everything from clothing to technology to house wares, and more.  
• Check social networks! Charlie Graham is the founder and CEO of ShopItToMe.com – a site that locates clothing sales. He says that tweeting will emerge this year as one of the best ways to learn about can’t-miss deals in real time. On social networking sites, post a question like, “Looking for an iPod dock for under $150. Any leads?” You Facebook friends and your “tweeps” – that’s slang for your Twitter posse – are likely to respond quickly with tips and links.
• Print out your receipts! Lewis says don’t think of it as “game over” once you’ve made your purchases. Keep an eye on prices for two weeks afterwards. Many stores will make an adjustment to your credit card if an item you bought goes even lower in price.

Most retail experts say that more than ever, this will be the year you don't want to put off your shopping until the last minute. Retailers have put themselves on a rather limited budget themselves, by stocking less this year. Which means, in a nutshell, that your bargains are still out there even if you missed "the biggest shopping days", but they'll not be waiting for you come Christmas Eve or even earlier. Catch the worm now, okay?

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

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Your guide to all the naughty and nice of holiday dinners- but we'll start with Thanksgiving!

I haven't talked yet this week about the annual start of "putting on a few pounds"- but it's not Thanksgiving Day yet- therefore, not too late! Thanksgiving Dinner is delicious- I'll be the first to shout that out- but traditionally- a real fat, calorie, and sodium wallop!

Before you dig into that Thanksgiving spread this year, complete with all the family favorites from Aunt Liz's secret recipe cornbread stuffing, to your mom's "nothing but rich" pecan pie- take time to think about what’s in front of you. This is where we use the phrase "conscious eating." The traditional spread contains a staggering amount of calories, as well as dietary nightmares like fat, sugar and salt. However, it’s not ALL bad. Here’s an eating guide that’ll have you giving thanks long after the holiday is over, courtesy of Janice M. Horowitz, a writer for Time magazine. And even the foods that are pretty high up on our "not so good" list can still be eaten, and enjoyed...just with a little thought before you throw caution to the wind! 

• The bird. If you’re preparing the turkey, don’t buy the “self-basting” kind, which is injected with a solution that’s supposed to help “improve” the flavor and juiciness of the meat. Those turkeys have nearly twice the fat and salt as the old-fashioned kind. Skip the skin altogether – that’s where almost all the fat resides.
• Cranberry sauce. As long as it doesn’t come in a can, go ahead and load up! Cranberries are high in vitamin C and tannins, the heart-healthy compounds also found in red wine. Research shows that cranberries reduce bladder infections by sweeping away bacteria that adhere to the urinary-tract lining. Just make sure the sauce isn’t loaded with sugar, like the canned kind.
• What about stuffing? To make it really healthy, use whole-wheat bread or high-fiber grains like wild rice. Cook it outside the bird, where it won’t get soaked in fatty drippings. If someone else has made the stuffing and they didn’t follow those guidelines – skip it.
• Watch out for gravy, which is basically salty, flavored fat. If you must have some, use a teaspoon to put a small amount on your food and skip the ladle.
• Sweet potatoes. One potato has nearly zero fat and only 120 calories – not bad at all. Just don’t douse it with butter. Sweet potatoes also contain an anti-oxidant that fights cancer, and reduces the risk and severity of asthma and rheumatoid arthritis.
• The big winner is Brussels sprouts. These little cabbage heads are an excellent source of fiber, and contain vitamin C, iron and the B vitamin folate - which may lower the risk of heart disease and Alzheimer’s. If you insist on greasing up the sprouts, make sure you substitute olive oil for butter.

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

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If yelling has become your stand in for spanking, you need to read this.

Parenting has changed a lot in the last few decades. These days it’s taboo for parents to hit or spank their children when they’ve been bad. However, social taboos don’t stop almost 90% of parents from yelling when they get frustrated or upset. Basically, according to the New York Times, shouting is the new spanking, and it’s having a harmful effect on our kids.

Most parents have been there. That moment when your eight year old throws a fit because you won’t buy them a toy. You lose your cool, but spanking is out. Recent studies have found that spanking children can slow down their intellectual development and lead to aggression when they get older. So parents are left with nagging or time-outs. According to parenting expert Amy McCready, when they realize that those strategies aren’t working, they start yelling out of utter frustration. Yelling can’t be as bad as spanking right? Well, psychologists think yelling does harm children because they perceive it as a sign of rejection from their parents. They also focus on the emotion – anger or rage – and not the message you’re trying to get across. Yelling can also damage the trust between you and your child – as well as their self-esteem.

So how can you parent without yelling? Hal Runkel the author of Scream Free Parenting has some ideas. He says when you feel a yell coming on, give yourself a time out. Leave the room until you’ve cooled off and spend that time thinking up an appropriate consequence for what they did. Runkel says you should give kids a choice. For example, they can either put their toys away now or lose them for a week. Make sure you follow through. Or, develop a look that your child knows is a signal that they need to STOP what they’re doing. However, for this to work, you need to be loving and open with your kid the rest of the time, and you should only use the look when you’re angry, so they don’t get confused. Finally, try lowering your voice rather than raising it. Your child will be distracted from what they’re doing  because they have to strain to hear you.

But what about when it's your child who's the volume behind the screaming and overall defiance? Let's break down the most common age groups when you find yourself at wits end with your child- this comes from Parents magazine:

Ages 2-5: The Preschool Years- Help them learn to solve problems

How can you tell the difference between defiant behavior and a child who is simply trying to assert his independence? Keep in mind that the first signs of autonomy are a natural development at this age. When a preschooler says "You're stupid," it's usually in response to being chastised ("You can't hit your brother") or being given a directive he does not want to follow at that moment ("We have to get ready to go now").

Don't overreact. "Do you want to win the 'battle' or change the behavior?" asks Cynthia Whitham, associate director of the Parent Training Program at the University of California at Los Angeles. If your child yells "You're a dummy!" and runs out of the room when you ask her to turn off the TV, you should let your child know such language is not acceptable, but do not dwell on it. "This isn't about winning," says Whitham. "You just want to stop the behavior." Ignoring negative behavior after a brief, but firm, reminder that your child's words hurt your feelings can have more impact than starting a prolonged battle of wills.

Think creatively. When Chris Stout, Ph.D., chief of psychological services at the Illinois Department of Human Services in Chicago, was selecting clothes for his son, the 4-year-old said "I hate those" when he looked at the pants. "I asked why," Dr. Stout recalls, "and he told me, 'I only like pants with pockets.' Since there weren't any clean ones, I suggested he wear a fanny pack or backpack and pretend that he had pockets." The idea refocused his son's attention on finding a solution and also let him know that his dad took his concerns seriously. "When your child can't have his way," Dr. Stout advises, "ask yourself, how can we problem-solve around this?" Take immediate action and follow up later. Children are entitled to their opinions but they're not entitled to trample on other people's feelings.

6-9 Year-olds: Model Respect, Not Retaliation

When your 7-year-old resorts to back talk or name-calling, it's easy to think she's being nasty. "When a child insults us, we often decide 'she did it to hurt us,'" says Peter Goldenthal, Ph.D., of the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, author of Beyond Sibling Rivalry: How to Help Your Child Become Cooperative, Caring and Compassionate. "But kids that age are not thinking about the effect they have on their parents. They're thinking about themselves and how they can get attention."

Talking back isn't always bad. "In some ways we really want our children to be able to talk back," notes Constance Katz, Ph.D., supervisor of child and adolescent psychology at William Alanson White Institute in New York City. "Our culture values independence of opinion and we don't want to destroy that quality in our children."

The problem occurs, she notes, when the child's opinion is communicated in a tone that conveys anger, contempt, or dismissiveness. We need to teach our children to get across what they are trying to say without resorting to a harsh or resentful tone of voice. Remember to consistently treat your child with respect so that he will learn how to treat others that way. "If you want your child to respond to your requests respectfully, you need to model that," advises Dr. Katz. "Say you ask your 7-year-old to take out the trash and he snaps back, 'Do it yourself.' If you retort 'You're a brat,' you've moved into the area of character attack," Dr. Katz points out. Instead of stooping to your child's level, treat him with respect by saying, "Hey, cleaning up can be a drag. Want me to give you a hand?" The point is to remind your child that he's part of a family and that respecting one another and pitching in to help out is what all family members must do.

9-12 Years- Straightforward talk with your preteen:

If you find your child habitually makes negative remarks, confront the problem head-on, advises Dr. Goldenthal. But avoid saying something like "Why are you always making those negative comments?" Your child is likely to interpret the question as an accusation, which will only make her defensive. Instead, suggests Dr. Goldenthal, "try saying, 'You seem really angry with me lately, and I'd like to find out what's bothering you.' Kids respond well to sincerity."

Once your child starts to open up, let him know that you hope the next time something is bothering him he'll tell you about it instead of making sarcastic remarks that hurt your feelings and don't solve the problem. When kids are sarcastic, "try turning away and focusing your attention elsewhere," advises Whitham. "Why dignify sarcasm with any response?" The remarks will stop, she says, if you do this consistently.

How about the Gloucester, MA mom, who picked up her 10-year-old daughter from cross-country track practice one afternoon, and asked "How was your day?" Her daughter shot back, "You're on time, unlike usual." Instead of chastising her daughter for her criticism, the mom calmly replied, "Yup, I'm trying to be on time more often, sweetie, and I think I'm getting better at it."

Her daughter immediately softened, Mom recalls. "A lot of tension seemed to melt away." Instead of dwelling on her daughter's insolence, the mother was willing to focus on the truth in her child's statement to successfully avoid a battle. Humor can often have the same effect in turning around your child's mood.

When your child continues to talk back, despite your efforts, you may want to try what Whitham calls the "broken record" technique. With older children, says Whitham, "talking back is basically a bad habit used as a diversionary tactic to wear down parents." To break the pattern, simply repeat, very calmly, a short phrase that clearly states your position. For example, your 12-year-old is arguing that he wants to hang out at the mall with his friends. "Why can't I go?" he pleads. "The subject is closed," you say. "You never let me do anything." "The subject is closed." You may also need to establish a clear consequence. For example, "If you bring it up again, you lose an evening of TV." It won't be long before your son gets tired of the routine and makes other plans. "When a child is ticked off, no amount of reasoning is going to win the agreement," says Whitham. "Ultimately, parents need to realize they have the right not to be screamed at." It probably bears repeating- up to the top of this story, that your best example to your child is you- not screaming at them, either.

As children grow, talking back is a part of the constant struggle between dependence and autonomy. When mouthing off becomes chronic, says Braun, you need to seek out the underlying reasons for such behavior. If the child is talking back at school, too, it may be time to find a family counselor to discuss the root of the child's anger. Most of the time, however, "talking back is about testing limits, learning what is and isn't okay," says Dr. Stout. When you help your child develop the ability to express her opinions without trampling other people's feelings, you give her a valuable skill that will serve her well throughout her life.

If you have a child in any of these age group, as the father of a teenage daughter- who I love with all my heart- let me just say- I think this is some pretty sound advice! Have a terrific Monday!

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

Eat Your way to Better Health, and without popping a pill

Your body can throw you for a loop at any time. You wake up with a sore throat on the day of your office Christmas party, a seafood-salad sandwich leaves you with grumbling indigestion, or you overdo it at the gym and arrive home with a stiff neck. Wouldn't it be great to have a live-in doctor/therapist/trainer to tend to your everyday aches and pains?

There's a pill to cure anything, anymore, right? Well, no doubt about it- countless numbers of patients have healthy lives thanks to their doctor-prescribed medications. But, sometimes...well, sometimes maybe it's worth a try to cure your body of what ails it without popping a pill first. Prevention magazine helps to open nature's medicine chest you might find in your kitchen pantry! And the best part? These remedies are surprisingly effective, and inexpensive!

Stomach nausea:

Try frozen ginger chips. Add pieces of fresh ginger to hot water. Strain, then freeze the infusion in ice cube trays. Crush the cubes and suck the icy chips throughout the day to provide your tummy with a steady soothing treatment. Ginger's anti-nausea properties are particularly effective during pregnancy or after surgery.

To soothe a sore throat:

Gargle twice daily with a solution of six pressed garlic cloves mixed into a glass of warm (not hot) water. Follow the regimen for three days. A recent study shows that fresh garlic juice has antimicrobial properties that fight pain-causing bacteria. The warm liquid soothes inflamed tissue.

To curb a cough:

Indulge in a square or two of dark chocolate. Researchers found that chocolate's theobromine compound is more effective than codeine at suppressing persistent coughs without the side effects of drowsiness and constipation. To calm a nagging cough that keeps you awake at night, take 2 teaspoons of honey (1 to 2 teaspoons for kids; don't give to children younger than 1), along with 500 mg of ester C 30 minutes before bed. The vitamin C boosts the immune system in the early stages of your cough, and the non-acidic ester type won't upset your stomach. Recent research shows that honey works better than either a cough suppressant or no treatment at all for relieving children's nocturnal coughs and promoting sleep.

To cool a fever:

Sip linden-flower tea, which works in two ways: It stimulates the hypothalamus to better control your temperature, and it dilates blood vessels, inducing sweating. Steep 1 tablespoon of dried herb (available in health food stores) in a cup of hot water for 15 minutes, then sip. Drink three to four cups a day. If you still run hot after a day of sipping tea, seek medical attention. For a high fever (above 102°F), take a tepid bath, which simply cools the body to match the water temperature. Bathe until your temperature decreases to 101° to 102°F, then sip linden flower tea to help lower it even more.

To cool a burn:

If you grazed your skin with a hot-from-the-oven holiday cookie pan, apply aloe vera gel to the burn as needed. The soothing and anti-inflammatory gel creates a second skin to protect it from air, which irritates nerve endings.

To quiet flatulence:

Take two enteric-coated peppermint capsules (500 mg each) three times daily. Peppermint kills bacteria that cause bloating and relaxes gastrointestinal muscles for smoother, spasm-free digestion. Enteric coating prevents capsules from opening in the stomach and increasing discomfort by causing heartburn and indigestion. The peppermint then releases and goes to work lower in the gastrointestinal tract, where gas-plagued people need it most.

To stop foot odor:

Soak feet nightly in one part vinegar and two parts water to eliminate odoriferous bacteria. Or take a daily foot bath in strong black tea (let it cool first) for 30 minutes. Tea's tannins kill bacteria and close the pores in your feet, keeping feet dry longer; bacteria tend to thrive in moist environments. You'll see results in a few days to a week. One caution: Only do the soak when your feet are free of cuts.

To sweeten bad breath:

Gargle with a small cup of acidic lemon juice to kill odor-causing bacteria. Then eat a bit of plain unsweetened yogurt, which contains beneficial lactobacillus bacteria. These so-called probiotics compete with and replace the reeking bacteria. The lemon-yogurt combo instantly neutralizes odor and lasts 12 to 24 hours.

To soften chapped lips:

Rub on anti-inflammatory, antioxidant, moisturizing olive oil two or three times a day to soothe, soften, and lubricate. Your lips will feel immediately better, but it will take a few days before they start to heal on their own. Preliminary research on mice shows that applying extra virgin olive oil to skin after sunbathing may prevent skin cancer.

To relax a stiff neck:

A stiff neck often results from slowed circulation and lymph flow to muscle tissues. Use contrast hydrotherapy—a quick blast of hot, then cold water—to get the blood pumping again. In the shower, first run hot water over your neck for 20 seconds to increase blood flow, then switch to cold for 10 seconds to constrict blood flow. Alternate three times, always ending with cold. When you get out of the shower, your body will send the blood back out to the skin, which results in a final dilation of blood vessels and—voilà!—a looser neck. OR- You can soothe sore joints with cooked vegetables. A recent Greek study found that people who ate cooked vegetables every day were 75% less likely to develop arthritis, compared to people who rarely ate them. Experts say the heat from cooking breaks down cell walls in the vegetables, allowing your body to absorb more of their valuable nutrients.

To end snoring:

If you snore mostly when on your back, put a tennis ball in a shirt pocket cut from an old T-shirt and sew it to the midback of your tight pajama top. The discomfort forces you to roll over and sleep on your side—without waking you up.***If your snoring is severe and persistent, check with your doctor- you could have sleep apnea, a serious medical condition.

To beat insomnia:

Before bedtime, eat a handful of cherries, which scientists discovered are jam-packed with melatonin, the same hormone created by your body to regulate sleep patterns. Then steep yourself in a hot bath to relax your muscles and your mind. In bed, rest your head on a lavender-filled pillow—the fragrance induces sleepiness.

To revive puffy, tired eyes:

Black tea is chock-full of astringent compounds called tannins that can help deflate and tighten the bags under your eyes. Activate the tannins in a tea bag by dipping in a cup of hot water for several minutes. Cool in the fridge, then apply the damp bag as a compress to the closed eye for 10 minutes.

To whiten stained teeth:

Crush a few fresh strawberries into a scrubbing pulp that you mix with a pinch of stain-removing baking soda and enough water to make a paste. Apply the mixture to a soft-bristled toothbrush and polish for a few minutes once every 3 or 4 months. (More often can erode tooth enamel.) The astringent malic acid in strawberries helps buff coffee and red-wine stains from teeth.

To prevent a headache:

Try relaxing magnesium (200 to 400 mg) to reduce the muscle tension and spasms that can cause your noggin to throb. But not any type will do. Make sure the supplement contains at least 200 mg of active elemental magnesium. Because magnesium is more preventive than curative, the treatment works best on, say, premenstrual headaches because you can predict when they're coming; take a dose a day in advance. Those with kidney problems should consult a health care practitioner before taking magnesium.

To heal dry skin, rashes and eczema:

Bathe in your breakfast. Although oatmeal is a centuries-old skin soother, researchers only recently recognized the avenanthramides in oats as the key compounds that calm inflamed, itchy skin. Put whole oats in a clean, dry sock. Seal the open end with a rubber band, and then drop the sock into a warm or hot bath. Soak yourself for 15 to 20 minutes.

Want a few more? We talked about these recently on the show.

• You can reduce bruising with broccoli! Registered dietician Cyndi Thompson says frequent bruising is a sign that your body isn’t getting enough Vitamin K. That’s a nutrient which helps strengthen blood vessel walls, making it harder for them to break and leave you black and blue. Eating two cups of broccoli each week should supply enough Vitamin K to keep your skin looking flush and healthy.
• You can cure hiccups with a spoonful of sugar. Dr. Maria Tobin is a physician who says sugar granules under your tongue will stimulate nerve endings in the back of your throat, and block out the brain signals causing your hiccups.
• You can ward off an asthma attack with fish. Experts say the magnesium found in one serving of seafood is enough to improve lung function, and reduce the frequency of asthma attacks! In fact, research shows that asthmatics who ate fish on a regular basis spent less time in the hospital, compared to patients who rarely ate seafood.
• You can lower your blood pressure with a daily glass of orange juice. High blood pressure is often a sign that you have too much sodium in your bloodstream. Studies show the potassium and Vitamin C found in one eight-ounce glass of O.J. may be enough to protect your kidneys from excess sodium, and lower your risk of heart disease by 40%.

Think that's enough to chew on for the weekend (and keep you out of the doctor's office!)? Have a great one!

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

All the single ladies? All the single men, too. Lots of singles- but do they want to stay that way?

Attention singles. If you feel like you can’t find someone who wants to settle down, you’re right! According to experts, single folks are now in the majority. 51% of the households in America are filled with unmarried people. Add to that, Stephen Mason, PhD, recently wrote in Psychology Today about filling in for a colleague in leading a psychotherapy group called Living Life as a Long-Time Single. Mason says the group that turned out that evening was evenly divided between males and females and their ages varied enough to make it a well-rounded group of people. That being the case, he was "blown away by the response to my very first question. When I asked how many would willingly trade 'singledom' for 'coupledom' they were unanimous in wanting to switch." There was, of course, the requirement that the Significant Other should be a real sweetheart, great catch, etc., but Mason says it still came down to the fact that nobody in the room was there by choice. In the best of worlds, they would all have been home with Mr/Ms Right. So here are the answers to 3 questions about why people stay single. And how they can find someone who wants to commit. These come from Jillian Straus, author of the book Unhooked Generation.

• Question #1: Why is it so hard for people to settle down? Straus says the biggest reason people are scared to commit is because they don’t want their marriage to fail. Today’s singles are the first generation to be heavily affected by the rise in divorce – which boomed in the 70s and 80s. Prior to that, divorce was still considered shameful. 
• Question #2: How can people be more positive about committing? Straus says people need to stop thinking “Am I missing out on someone better?” Trends like internet dating let singles connect with tons of potential mates, so they’re always left wondering if there’s something better out there. But the grass is never greener on the other side of the fence. When you get to the other side, and see it up close, you see that someone else’s lawn has the same weeds and bald spots yours does. The lesson is to appreciate what you’ve got, instead of dreaming of what you don’t have. So if the person you’re dating meets 8 out of 10 requirements on your list – stick with them. You’ll never find someone who gets 10 out of 10. Also, would you want to be judged as harshly as you’re judging others? Probably not. If you want to be loved “warts and all” – you have to do the same.

So how can you get a relationship off on the right footing? You have to let potential mates know exactly what you want; people aren’t mind readers. Relationships are about communication, and if you can’t speak your mind early on, you’re going to have a hard time in any serious relationship. So, if you want to have Mexican food for dinner, but you answer ‘I don’t care’ when your date asks where you want to eat, don’t get upset if you end up at an Italian restaurant.  You do care; saying you have no preference isn't putting a real you out in front. David Steele, author of Conscious Dating, says that people put more effort into buying a car than selecting a mate. When they do meet someone, they make impulsive decisions based on desperation, or fleeting feelings. So, here are his tips on how to stop hoping for love, and become a conscious dater who’s actively looking for it:

• First, know who you are and what you want. Think of yourself as an iceberg. The “everyday” you is the part that sticks up out of the water. And the real you is the 90 percent that’s hidden from view. So, sit down with a piece of paper, and ask your hidden self a few questions. Like, what new places, activities, and experiences would you like to try? And where do you see yourself 5 years from now in work, family, and fun? That’s the person you should be selling to the world, and the person who really does have a preference between Mexican or Italian food for dinner.
  
• Then, become the partner you’re looking for. Grab your “wish list,” pick an activity, and make plans to do it. Whether it’s trying spicy Indian food, bungee jumping off a bridge, or sitting under a waterfall on a tropical island. If you do what you love, you’re more likely to run into someone who loves it, too. And voilà – an instant connection!
• Strengthen your relationship skills with your family, friends, and co-workers. Bottom line: The better you are at relationships in general, the better you’ll be at creating - and holding onto - a relationship when you finally meet “The One", or...maybe being single won't feel so much like a void in your life when these relationships become stronger.

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

Parenting lessons every father should know...and practice.

Fathering your children is the most important thing you’ll ever do in this lifetime. Sometimes the role of the father is downplayed, but the statistics are endless: kids who grow up without a father are more likely to be high school dropouts, end up in prison and abuse drugs. The lessons we learn from our fathers turn us into the men and women we grow up to be. So from the folks at Rodale Publishing here are four great parenting lessons that every father should know!

• Talk to your kids all the time. According to a study in the Journal of Applied Psychology, children learn language skills more from their fathers than from their mothers. So talk to them about everything and use big words. They might not know what they mean now, but they’ll learn a lot just by listening.
• Stay calm in the face of tantrums. When your kid is screaming, don’t get worked up. It just makes the situation worse, and handing over a treat to get them to stop, only reinforces bad behavior. Instead, listen to them and calmly whisper your response to what they’re saying. Just because your kid did something idiotic doesn’t mean you have to act like an idiot too. Instead, lean over to them, put your lips close to their ear, and whisper. ”I’m very disappointed in the way you’re acting.” You’ll get your message across. Bringing down the volume makes sure your kids don’t get the drama they’re looking for.
• Help your kids understand that quitting can be even harder than finishing. Hal Runkel, author of Scream Free Parenting, says when his son wanted to quit baseball he told him he could, BUT he had to tell the coach AND all his teammates. His son couldn’t do it. He’s been playing and loving it for seven years.
• Let kids have a little independence, but make them earn it! Studies say when kids have more freedom and responsibility they develop stronger morals more quickly. So it’s okay to let your kid stay out a little later, as long as they understand that there are rules and consequences for breaking them. So, when your kids asks to stay late at a friend’s house, ask them why. If they don’t have a good answer, it’s OK to say no.

So what do you think, Dad? Got a few minutes today to think about this, and a little more  time this weekend to put some of these lessons into action (yes, even if you already do- little more push- know what I'm saying?) Can you envision a point in your life at which you can say, "There- my job as Dad is done."? End of story- share a great weekend with your family, and it'll end up being a better one for you, I'm just willing to bet!

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

Flu season DON'Ts, and some delicious DOs, too!

Flu season isn't just looming...it's here, and all the headlines are screaming about swine flu – or H1N1. In fact, experts say it could get worse very soon- they're looking for spread of the virus to peak in the next 2-3 weeks- then shortly after, it'll be full steam ahead with seasonal colds and flu. So, here are the flu-season DON’Ts you need to know, courtesy of WebMD:

• DON’T expect a regular seasonal flu vaccine to protect against swine flu. Scientists are hard at work on a separate vaccine. You’ll want to get that when it’s available, but also, you need to get vaccinated against regular flu, which kills about 40,000 people in North America each year.
• DON’T count on a face mask to prevent swine flu. According to the Centers for Disease Control, masks aren’t effective against transmitting viruses - so they won’t help you avoid catching the illness. The CDC does recommend wearing a facemask to avoid spreading germs if you’ll be in close contact with other people. Also, if you wear a facemask, don’t reuse it. Wear it once and then throw it out.
• DON’T hold or attend a swine flu party. At these so-called “parties,” the guest of honor has the H1N1 virus. The supposed logic behind this idea is for everyone to catch the virus so they’ll build up immunity to it. It’s a bad idea, because there’s no way to know whether the swine flu will be serious or fatal to anyone at the party, or anyone they infect. So DON’T intentionally spread the virus.
• DON’T leave home if you’ve got flu-like symptoms. Fever, cough, sore throat, body aches, fatigue, chills, headache, and vomiting could all be symptoms of H1N1. So stay home, and avoid infecting others. The CDC recommends waiting at least 24 hours after your fever breaks.

Like we’ve talked about before here,, the best way to avoid catching the flu this season is to wash your hands (use hand sanitizer when you're unable to lather up), and get a regular-season flu shot. 

But did you know how much you can bolster your body's first line of defense- your immune system- to fight those viruses, including H1N1 swine flu? Great DO advice from AOL Health- it's simply adding certain foods to your diet:

"We're not sure of all the reasons why our bodies break down, but we do know that food can absolutely help to build us up," says Bonnie Taub-Dix, R.D., spokesperson for the American Dietetic Association and weight-loss expert in New York City. "It's so important to prevent illness to begin with by getting enough rest, exercising regularly, following a healthy diet and not skipping meals. These are sure-fire ways to help boost your immune system," she says.

"There's no single food that will do the trick," she says. "Variety is important." Here, Taub-Dix's top foods for flu season.

Garlic
Chopping garlic releases allicin, a sulfer-containing compound that houses a potent antioxidant, says Taub-Dix. "Antioxidants protect cells from free radicals that can damage them, making it harder for cells to fight disease," says Taub-Dix, who suggests adding fresh garlic to sautéed vegetables.

Yogurt and Kefir
Embracing certain kinds of bacteria can actually help your immune system. Yogurt (look for cartons that say they contain "live, active cultures") and kefir, a fermented milk drink made with kefir grains, all have probiotics or "good" bacteria.

In a recent study, probiotic bacteria was actually found to increase the body's immune response to viruses that cause common infections like colds and flus by boosting T-cell production. Yogurt is also high in vitamin D, says Taub-Dix. A separate study found low levels of vitamin D to be associated with a heightened risk for respiratory infections like the flu.

Brazil Nuts
These large nuts are rich in zinc, a mineral known to improve the number of infection-fighting T-cells that also has antioxidant properties. Zinc deficiency has been linked to decreased response to vaccination and impaired immune cell function, especially in the elderly. But don't overdo it: A few of these provide enough zinc for the day, according to Taub-Dix.

Tea
Tea is rich in polyphenols, chemicals found in plant foods that act like antioxidants to protect cells. And while green and white teas are particularly potent, all teas will have some benefit, says Taub-Dix. 

Lean Protein
"Protein is important for tissue repair," says Taub-Dix, who recommends proteins like white meat chicken, low-fat cheese or cottage cheese. Low amounts of protein have also been found to impair the immune system and have negative effects on T-cells.

Citrus Fruits
No surprise here. Taub-Dix recommends pink grapefruits, oranges and mangoes, which are all rich in the antioxidant vitamin C, something our bodies don't produce or store on their own. And says Taub-Dix, "Studies have shown it can decrease the duration of a cold or flu-like symptoms."

If you do begin experiencing flu-like symptoms see your doctor. "Even though I believe that eating these foods regularly can help you stay healthy, they're not a substitute for seeing your health care provider for proper medication when needed," Taub-Dix says.

Arm yourself now with some of this stuff- and with a vaccine (get it?)- it's gonna be a battle, and YOU'RE going to beat the flu this year!

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

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A diet to jazz your brain!

So, guess what? I'm on 'The DASH Diet'. “Dietary Approaches to Stop Hypertension.” Salt, sugar, and red meat eaten only occasionally. It's a high fiber diet. The latest study: The group on the DASH diet had the best cognitive function, and...they also had the least decline in mental skills over time.

When it comes to diets, you probably think you’ve heard it all, right? Well, this diet isn’t about saving your figure - it’s about saving your brain...I'm all about that, know what I mean? The DASH diet will sharpen your brain and protect you from losing your memory- that's good stuff! According to WebMD, the DASH diet is a low-fat, high-fiber diet that was originally recommended for lowering blood pressure. It emphasizes fruits and vegetables, nuts and legumes, whole grains, and low-fat dairy products. Salt, sugar, and red meat are eaten only occasionally. A recent study found that when volunteers followed the diet, it slowed the rate of their mental decline, too. The study was done at Utah State University, and tested nearly 4,000 seniors, who had no signs of dementia.

• First, volunteers filled out a questionnaire about what they ate, and how often they ate it.
• They were all given standard tests that measured overall cognitive function - including memory, attention span, and problem solving.  
• Every couple of years, they took the tests again - a total of five times over 11 years.

The results? The group that ate a diet closest to the DASH diet had the best cognitive function at the beginning of the study, and they also had the least decline in mental skills over time. Dr. Ron Munger is a professor at Utah State who worked on the study. He’s not surprised the diet works, because the eating plan has already been proven to lower blood pressure - and high blood pressure is a risk factor for Alzheimer’s disease and dementia. The DASH diet calls for eight to 10 serving of fruits and vegetables a day, but only 25% of us eat even half that much. Dr. Maria Carrillo is the director of medical and scientific relations at the Alzheimer’s Foundation, and she says that every little bit counts, and every day that you follow the diet preserves a little bit of your memory that might have been lost. Want to try it? Go to DashDiet.org.

And I will be sure to update progress I will make! Promise...want to give it a try? I'll most definitely want to know how you're doing, deal? Have a great weekend...dashing wherever you can!

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

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Three things to consider before telling a secret.

Come closer...closer...I've got a secret.  Well, that's not good, is it? Most of us were raised thinking secrets were bad things - but not always. Sometimes it’s a good idea to play your cards close to your chest. Here are three things to consider before spilling your guts, courtesy of MSN:

• Everyone doesn’t need to know everything. Dr. Patricia Farrell is a psychologist in New Jersey and author of How to Be Your Own Therapist. She says it’s healthy to share information – but make sure you do it with the appropriate people. So, if you had a fight with your spouse, you don’t have to give your boss the same details you give your best friend.
• Your past is not an open book - especially when it comes to former relationships. Dishing about old flames may feel like “bonding” to you, but it can make your new love feel insecure – and that’s particularly true for men. According to Julian Hertzog, who teaches psychology at William Woods University in Missouri, several studies show that the male ego is more fragile than most guys let on. So, the less said about the Ex, the better.
• When it comes to your kids and secrets, you don’t have to tell all, but never tell a lie. Michelle Borba is an educational psychologist and the author of Don’t Give Me That Attitude. She says that parents should keep secrets when it’s in their child’s best interest, and those interests change with age. So, a couple who’s divorcing would share more information with their teen than they would with a toddler. Borba also points out that keeping information to yourself is different from telling a lie. She suggests that if your kid asks a question that puts you on the spot, answer with something like, “I’m sorry. I don’t feel comfortable talking about that right now. Let’s get back to that later.” Then think of how you want to respond in an age-appropriate way.

If, still, the very idea of "secrets" makes you uncomfortable, that's okay! Another way to look at it really can become an issue of vocabulary.  Do you respect your own privacy? See? That's not a bad thing at all.  Glad you stopped by today.

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

Ladies- when you should fight off an attacker, and tips to keep you safe when you're driving

All motorists need to be careful on the highway, but female drivers of all ages, unfortunately, have to be doubly vigilant to avoid becoming victims of crimes while driving, including carjacking, sexual assault, robbery and worse. The following are some tips to help keep women safe while getting from here to there, from AOL Autos.

Got a beef with a roadhog?  Let it be.
"For road ragers, don't engage," says NYC cabbie Mellisa Plaut, author of "Hack", an account of her driving adventures. "Don't even look at someone who's trying to get your attention in an angry way. Just drive on, or turn. The worst thing you can do is get into a

fight. It never leads to anything good. Don't get your ego involved."

Pay attention.
Keep your sound system at a reasonable volume when driving in cities and neighborhoods, and don't space out or check your text messages at every stoplight. In fact, try to avoid getting distracted at all by your cell phone. Carjackers and robbers rely on the element of surprise, so if you're keeping eyes and ears alert to what's going on outside your vehicle, bad guys don't have a chance to sneak up on you.

Secure your car as you would your home.

You wouldn't leave your front door unlocked and your windows open at home, so get in the habit of securing your car the same way. Keep doors locked when you're driving, and windows raised. If anyone approaches your window asking for directions or money in slow or stopped traffic, take a quick glance around your vehicle to make sure you're not being distracted by one half of a team. Crack the window an inch or two instead of opening it all the way if you decide to speak to a stranger.

Be vigilant in parking lots- whether day or night.

When shopping, put your money away at the cash register, walk with purpose to your car and don't accept "help" from strangers. Have your keys out and be ready to open your vehicle and secure packages, get in the car, close and lock the door and drive away. "Don't approach your vehicle if a van or other large vehicle that wasn't there before is parked next to it," says Road and Travel's Jessica Howell. "Find a security guard to walk you to your car. If a security guard isn't available, look for a nearby couple and ask for an escort. Most people will be happy to lend a moment and ensure your safety."

Don't assume an unmarked car with a flashing light is a police officer.

If the car attempting to pull you over doesn't look like an official vehicle, keep driving, turn your inside light on and pull over only in a well-lit, populated area. Do not get out of your car, and angle the vehicle so you can drive away quickly if need be. Crack the window, ask to see the officer's ID and pay close attention to his clothes---are they worn? Do they match? If not, put up your window, drive away and call 911.

Now it’s time to focus on your safety for a minute, ladies, with some answers to some important questions when it comes to dealing with muggers and attackers. Hopefully you won’t need this information, but it’s better to be prepared with help from researchers at Health magazine.

• Are there times when a woman shouldn’t fight back? Lori Hartman Gervasi is the author of Fight Like a Girl– and Win: Defense Decisions for Women. She’s also a black belt self-defense expert trained in Karate. She says if someone’s grabbing your purse, or trying to take your car – let them have it. You risk your safety unnecessarily by challenging the person – these things are only material goods.
• So, when should you fight back? If an attacker is trying to get you into a car, Gervasi says fight back loudly and with every bit of strength and courage you have. The odds of surviving go way down once you’re in a car or a secluded location. Use whatever you have to fight back – your purse, shoes, rings on your fingers. If you’re kicking, go low and hard rather than trying for the groin. It’s hard to hit that region, and you might either lose your balance or give the attacker your foot to grab onto. When you make a fist to punch him, don’t tuck your thumb. Resting it just below the knuckles can inflict more damage. The bottom line is that most attackers are looking for an easy victim - and the more you fight back, the more likely it is that he’ll give up and run away.
• Should you carry pepper spray?

  

  Gervasi likes pepper spray because it provides a way to fight back without getting too close, but it’s useless if it’s buried in your purse. She recommends carrying your keys in one hand, pepper spray in the other – and your cell phone in an easy-to-reach pocket. That way, if a threatening person comes too close, you can quickly get your pepper spray into the “on” position, aim, and spray the attacker in the face. Then get a safe distance away and call the police.

I know it's heavy stuff to even think about it, but we all do, especially if you're a woman.  If you're a man, it's likely you have a wife, a sister, mother, or daughter you love- share this today!

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.