The John Tesh Blog

All the single ladies? All the single men, too. Lots of singles- but do they want to stay that way?

Attention singles. If you feel like you can’t find someone who wants to settle down, you’re right! According to experts, single folks are now in the majority. 51% of the households in America are filled with unmarried people. Add to that, Stephen Mason, PhD, recently wrote in Psychology Today about filling in for a colleague in leading a psychotherapy group called Living Life as a Long-Time Single. Mason says the group that turned out that evening was evenly divided between males and females and their ages varied enough to make it a well-rounded group of people. That being the case, he was "blown away by the response to my very first question. When I asked how many would willingly trade 'singledom' for 'coupledom' they were unanimous in wanting to switch." There was, of course, the requirement that the Significant Other should be a real sweetheart, great catch, etc., but Mason says it still came down to the fact that nobody in the room was there by choice. In the best of worlds, they would all have been home with Mr/Ms Right. So here are the answers to 3 questions about why people stay single. And how they can find someone who wants to commit. These come from Jillian Straus, author of the book Unhooked Generation.

• Question #1: Why is it so hard for people to settle down? Straus says the biggest reason people are scared to commit is because they don’t want their marriage to fail. Today’s singles are the first generation to be heavily affected by the rise in divorce – which boomed in the 70s and 80s. Prior to that, divorce was still considered shameful. 
• Question #2: How can people be more positive about committing? Straus says people need to stop thinking “Am I missing out on someone better?” Trends like internet dating let singles connect with tons of potential mates, so they’re always left wondering if there’s something better out there. But the grass is never greener on the other side of the fence. When you get to the other side, and see it up close, you see that someone else’s lawn has the same weeds and bald spots yours does. The lesson is to appreciate what you’ve got, instead of dreaming of what you don’t have. So if the person you’re dating meets 8 out of 10 requirements on your list – stick with them. You’ll never find someone who gets 10 out of 10. Also, would you want to be judged as harshly as you’re judging others? Probably not. If you want to be loved “warts and all” – you have to do the same.

So how can you get a relationship off on the right footing? You have to let potential mates know exactly what you want; people aren’t mind readers. Relationships are about communication, and if you can’t speak your mind early on, you’re going to have a hard time in any serious relationship. So, if you want to have Mexican food for dinner, but you answer ‘I don’t care’ when your date asks where you want to eat, don’t get upset if you end up at an Italian restaurant.  You do care; saying you have no preference isn't putting a real you out in front. David Steele, author of Conscious Dating, says that people put more effort into buying a car than selecting a mate. When they do meet someone, they make impulsive decisions based on desperation, or fleeting feelings. So, here are his tips on how to stop hoping for love, and become a conscious dater who’s actively looking for it:

• First, know who you are and what you want. Think of yourself as an iceberg. The “everyday” you is the part that sticks up out of the water. And the real you is the 90 percent that’s hidden from view. So, sit down with a piece of paper, and ask your hidden self a few questions. Like, what new places, activities, and experiences would you like to try? And where do you see yourself 5 years from now in work, family, and fun? That’s the person you should be selling to the world, and the person who really does have a preference between Mexican or Italian food for dinner.
  
• Then, become the partner you’re looking for. Grab your “wish list,” pick an activity, and make plans to do it. Whether it’s trying spicy Indian food, bungee jumping off a bridge, or sitting under a waterfall on a tropical island. If you do what you love, you’re more likely to run into someone who loves it, too. And voilà – an instant connection!
• Strengthen your relationship skills with your family, friends, and co-workers. Bottom line: The better you are at relationships in general, the better you’ll be at creating - and holding onto - a relationship when you finally meet “The One", or...maybe being single won't feel so much like a void in your life when these relationships become stronger.

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

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Trick your teen? The treat you'll find is better communication.

It’s a fact: teens trick their parents from time to time. Experts say it’s normal for teens to stretch rules, take risks and try out some trickery (just think back to when you were a teen- go ahead- breathe that sigh of relief that you came out all right!) But there are some key things parents can do to keep their young tricksters safe and healthy. With Halloween around the corner, why not roll up your sleeves and do some productive tricking — and treating — of your own?

Here are 10 ways parents can reduce teen mischief and encourage a healthy relationship with their teen on Halloween and beyond from The Partnership for a Drug-Free America.

1. Trick your teen into talking.

Make time to talk with your teen every day, so it becomes routine. That way when you have an important topic to discuss, it will be more comfortable and flow more naturally. Chat it up regularly — about celebrities, classmates, the news or anything to help maintain open lines of communication.

Neil I. Bernstein, Ph.D., adolescent psychologist and author, says “If you’re thoughtful and open and expressive, and you’ve developed good communication with your kids all along, it’s going to be an easier ride.”

2. Trick them with your digital savvy.

Bone up on the latest technology and you’ll gain a better understanding of your teen’s  world. Learn to use online social networks like Facebook and MySpace and status update services like Twitter. Texting your teen- except when you know they're driving- is a great non-confrontational way to check in, show your support and stay connected.

Surveys from Kelton Research show that more than half of teens who text message think it has improved their relationship with their parents, and 51 percent of parents who text with their teens agree that they communicate more often.

3. Trick them into taking healthy risks.

It’s natural for teens to want to take risks: Teen brains and bodies are bursting with energy and idealism — even if it doesn't always show. Urge your teen to take healthy risks; He may develop some valuable life skills in the process. First learn what your teen finds exciting and daring and then help him focus on some healthy options. Michael G. Thompson, Ph.D., is a psychologist, school consultant and author who would like to see every teen out in the wilderness, out at a summer camp, out on a ropes course, doing something that’s scarier than what he might have chosen to do himself, which Thompson believes gives teens a big boost in self-respect.  "Even if he has a safety line on him, the fact that he’s out on a rope with a 40-foot drop or something, he’s scared, and he’s pushed. And I do think that takes up some of teenagers’ risk-taking energy.”

4. Trick them into telling you about their day.

“How was your day?” “Fine.” Sound familiar? To get your teen to open up to you, try asking specific, open-ended conversation-starters like these:
• Did any of your classmates do anything funny?
• Tell me about what you read in class.
• Do you think math [or any subject] is too easy or too hard?
• What’s the biggest difference between this year and last year?
• Who did you sit with at lunch?
• Can you show me something you learned (or did) today? 

5. Trick your teen into staying out of trouble.

Encourage your teen to join a club, play a sport or participate in community service — this will give her something structured to do afterschool as well as a wider circle of friends. There may be lots of healthy (and cheap!) opportunities right in your community like trying out for a sports team or auditioning for a play. Try getting ideas at the library, her school, or your place of worship. Marybeth Hicks, a motivational speaker and parenting author, writes, “Kids in middle school can try a lot of new sports and activities and drama and music and lots of things that keep them very busy. A tired middle schooler is a low-risk middle schooler — so we want them to be busy and involved. And as we go along with them in those activities and participate in an appropriate way, they know we’re right with them and they know that they’re safe.”

6. Trick them into following your rules.

Rules don’t alienate kids. Rules about what’s acceptable — from obeying curfews to calling in to tell you where they are — make children feel loved and secure. Explain that you set limits only because you care and not because you don’t trust her. Make sure your teen knows your rules, and understands the consequences of breaking the rules. If she clearly sees the consequences, and views them as fair, she is more apt to follow the rules.

7. Trick them into telling you the truth.

Always be honest with your teen, even when it comes to answering difficult questions. If your teen senses your genuine honesty, he will likely follow your example. Explain to your teen know that honesty is a highly-respected trait, one that requires courage and  independent thought. Tell him that you value his honesty and are willing to listen without making judgments. “Use an open-ended question that is not accusatory but alludes to a possible behavior such as ‘Anything interesting happen at the party last night?’”, advises Vanessa Van Petten, an author and teen expert.

8. Trick them by offering a safety plan.

Imagine you’re a teen and you’ve just done something really dumb like get drunk at a friend’s house. Who are the last people on earth you’d want to find out? Your parents, right? A safety plan gets your teen past that fear by letting him know that you care more about him than about what he does. Even if you think he already knows how you feel,
spell it out for him. Then lay out your plan. Here’s one way to do it:
“Nothing in the world is more important to me than keeping you healthy and safe. That’s one reason I don’t want you to drink or do drugs. But if you ever find yourself in a bad situation- like, you get drunk at a party, or the person who’s supposed to drive you home does- I want you to call me. I don’t care what time it is. I’ll come to pick you up and I won’t ask any questions until the next day. Will you promise to do that for me?”

9. Trick them into feeling good about themselves.

Give your teen lots of praise and positive feedback. Teens need to hear the “good stuff” just like the rest of us. (And they’ll eat up the extra attention, too.) They need to know you can still see beyond the things they do wrong from time to time. Catch them being good and always reward positive, responsible, mature behavior. Richard Catalano, Ph.D., Professor and Director of the Social Development Research Group at The University of
Washington’s School of Social Work, says, “After your teen finishes a task, or at least shows that he really tried, make sure you recognize his effort. That recognition really provides the motivation for kids to continue.”

10. Treat your teen with love and support.

It’s very important that teens feels supported at all times by their parent. Be sure to let your child know that he or she can always count on you and come to you for guidance.
• Reassure your child that she can confide in or seek advice from you when she’s stressed or dealing with a personal issue.
• As frustrated as you may feel sometimes (let’s face it, teens know how to push our buttons), try to speak from a place of love, caring and concern — and express these feelings to your teen.
• Remind your teen that the reason you’re always talking with her and asking questions is because you love her and care about her and want her to be healthy and successful.
• Provide your teen with lots of hugs and kisses- even at the risk of unbelievable embarrassment to them as they duck under your arm to get away!

Think these are some tricks you can take on? Seems like one sweet treat to reach, if you do!

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

Tweet, tweet. Sounds pretty harmless...but maybe not.

It's advice we've been getting much more of in the last decade- be careful what you send in an email. But today's advice has basically foregone email- now we're told to watch our tweets! Even President Obama cautioned students to be careful what they post on Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, and any other social networking site. WalletPop and personal finance experts Ken and Daria Dolan report how social media can be costly to you in ways you may not have realized.

Lawyers Love Facebook

Are you about to be involved in a divorce or taken to court? You may want clean up your Facebook page.

Lawyers and private investigators routinely troll social media sites as part of their research for any case. Such sites are a treasure trove of evidence, especially when they are looking to:

Hunt down alimony. An ex-husband says he can’t afford alimony but tweets about his new job or raise or his brand new car.

Collect evidence for a custody case. A women fighting for full custody of her children claims she doesn’t drink or smoke, yet posts a picture of her smoking at a bar on her Facebook page.

Prove harassment or fraud. Copies of nasty or threatening messages left on an ex-boyfriend’s Facebook page make great evidence.

Your Resume Isn’t the Only Thing Employers Scrutinize. A recent study by Harris Interactive found that 45% of the employers they questioned are using social networks to check out job candidates before hiring them. That’s a pretty significant percentage. But here’s an even more surprising number: 35% of those employers decided not to offer a candidate a job because of what they found on an applicant’s social networking page.

Bad-mouthing your last boss online? Posting questionable pictures? If you are on the job hunt, be sure to review your pages and profiles and make sure there isn’t anything there that can cost you a job.

Burglars Are Fond of Your Constant Updates. Would you stand up in the middle of a crowd of strangers and announce that you’re leaving on vacation for three days and then tell everyone your address? Of course not, but that’s exactly what you are doing if you share such information online.

Burglars are now using Twitter to find victims. One Arizona man tweeted to 2,000 followers that he was heading out of town and came home to find someone had broken in and stolen thousands of dollars worth of video equipment he used for his business.

Even saying you are running to the mall, going out to dinner, etc. is too much information.

Prepare for Bigger Insurance Premiums. A leading insurer in England warns that social media users could face higher insurance premiums because of the added risk they face from burglary.

Legal & General insurance believes that burglars use social media sites to “shop” for victims. Posting photos of your home enables burglars to know whether you have any security features or what you own that’s worth stealing. Plus, your posts reveal other details, such as whether or not you have a dog to fend off intruders or if you constantly let people know when you’re out of town, that can affect the chances of you filing a claim.

Teenagers are especially likely to reveal personal information, leading the insurer to warn parents that they could face higher homeowner’s insurance premiums if their children are online.

Tweets Can Get You Fired. A waiter in Beverly Hills was fired recently for one of his Twitter updates (called Tweets) about an actress, who the waiter claimed skipped out on her bill and didn't leave him a tip. He said her agent later paid her bill. The waiter was fired two weeks later.

That may seem like an extreme case, but people have been fired for blogging about work, blogging while at work, even for calling in sick and then posting on Facebook. One woman was fired for badmouthing the boss on Facebook because she forgot she had “friended” her boss and he could see everything she was saying. Oops.

If you are using any social network, assume your boss is watching everything you say and do!

Social Networkers Are an Identity Thief’s Dream. Social networking is a dream come true for identity thieves -- millions of people sharing endless amounts of personal information right out in the open. According to PC World, 33% of social network users have at least three pieces of information posted that could lead to identity theft.

Think about the types of things people share on social media sites…their birthday, address, kid’s names, pet’s names, mother’s maiden name, previous address, where you went to school. Besides being used to steal your identity, this information can also give thieves the answers to some of the most common security or password questions used on your personal accounts.

Yes, social networking is about sharing, but that doesn’t mean you can blindly violate basic rules that help protect you from ID theft.

Let’s Go Phishing on Twitter. Just last week, Twitter users were the target of a huge phishing scam. Scammers sent direct messages (DMs) or Tweets that included a generic message such as “You’re on this video” or “I think I see you here” in order to get people to click on a link.

The link took those who clicked on it to a fake Twitter page that asked them to log in with their username and password …which the scammer then used to hijack the victim’s account.

Twitter Can Be Infectious. Fake Twitter profiles have been used to spread malicious software (known as malware).

To lure in victims, scammers use fake celebrity profiles or news about celebrities. The posts look legit, but infect your computer with malware that lets the scammer use your computer to send spam, install spyware, steal your identity or launch attacks on other computers.

The IRS Wants to “Friend” You. As state budget get increasingly pinched, internal revenue agents are getting more aggressive in their pursuit of tax revenue. In fact, some states are even using information posted on sites like Facebook and MySpace to track down tax dodgers and dig for unreported income.

In Minnesota, tax agents reportedly levied back taxes on a long-time tax evader after he announced on his MySpace page that he was moving back into the state and would be working as a real estate broker. While the IRS refuses to say whether or not they are using social media to find tax evaders, it’s best to assume that they’re watching everything you post. Makes you want to be a little more careful the next time a stranger asks to “friend” you, doesn’t it?

Let's finish with a few "rules of the social media road":

• Be choosy about your friends.
• Don't tell strangers no one's home.
• Don't tell strangers your name of address.
• Don't accept gifts from strangers- or the links you need to click to accept the gift.
• Put yourself in someone else's shoes- the someone who may have an ulterior motive.
• Lock the door behind you- review and/or activate security settings for your account that most social media have in place.
• You don’t need to quit Twitter or Facebook now that you know about the dark side of social media. Just think...before you tweet.

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

On the outs with your friend? Here's how to mend a tattered friendship.

Kids, spouses, jobs, an economic recession creating job losses (maybe your own), rising health care costs...it's been a pretty tough world out there lately, and you may notice current situations taking a toll on your closest friendship. Maybe things just aren't the way they used to be between you and your BFF. One of you may be feeling snappish, or just downright uptight when you're together. While you used to be attached at the hip, there's suddenly a wedge between you. What can you do? Irene S Levine, PhD, The Friendship Doctor at Psychology Today, offers the first steps to try.

1) Assess what's going on between you

Try to think objectively and make sure that you really want to mend the friendship. Your  latest tiff may just be a sign that the relationship has been doomed for a while. Have you simply outgrown each other? That's no one's fault. People change over time and not always in the same direction. Have the same problems recurred time after time? Maybe the bad chemistry or sense of imbalance between you has become so overwhelming that it is impossible to transcend. Or--- is it something that you think you might really be able to fix? If so, proceed to Tip 2.

2) Pinpoint what happened

If it is something you said or did, or something you didn't say or do---or if the problem was with her, talk about it. No friendship is perfect and each one has tiny kinks that need to be worked out. Communicating avoids little problems from escalating into big ones that can undermine a relationship.

3) Be the first to offer the olive branch

If you know you were in the wrong, take responsibility for your mistake. Tell your friend how important the relationship is to you and show her in some small but concrete way. Invite her to dinner or send her a card that says, "I'm sorry."

If she was in the wrong, practice forgiveness. (We just talked in depth about the healing you can experience through forgiving others in yesterday's post.) Harboring resentment towards someone has a way of bouncing back like a boomerang to hurt you (including raising your blood pressure). Let go of the disappointment. Having a shared history should provide a strong foundation that allows a friendship to weather small hurts.

4) Step back after you've tried

Be sensitive to her response. Okay, you've been thinking about how you were going to handle this fiasco, for hours or maybe even weeks and months. But you just sprung your thinking on her and she may need time to mull it over. If her answer is "No way," accept it for the moment, give it some time, and try again. If she repeatedly blows you off, you may have to accept her decision and move on.

5) Don't necessarily view endings as a failure.

Friendships have beginning and endings. Ones that last forever are more likely to be the topic of novels and television scripts. The women I surveyed for my book, Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend, talked about even very close friendships having "expiration dates" and "shelf lives." And sometimes women breathe a sigh of relief after an ambivalent or toxic friendship is over. 

Friendships are wonderful and life affirming. But keep in mind that just as is the case in most relationships that really mean something to us, the ones that have a chance at surviving the test of time (as well as stresses and arguments!), our friendships will not flourish being left on a shelf with no care coming from us. They require effort.  And if we're lucky, each one provides us with new wisdom so they get better and better! 

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

Why it's so important for us to forgive, and 4 steps to get there.

Yes, yes, we are all unique individuals. But, boy, sometimes our habits and ways of thinking are just plain old human tendency. Say you were practically run off the road this morning by a rude, nearly out of control driver. It's a wonder you made it safely! (Thank goodness!) Bet you're still steamed when you think about it, huh? Or maybe it's something else entirely that gets your blood boiling. What is your normal reaction when people hurt you intentionally? Retaliate! Get even! We're often at our creative best when we're thinking up methods to get even. Pastor Rick Warren understands that this tendency can be in our deepest nature- something pretty difficult to overcome, unless we consciously make a different choice, and the greatest spiritual leaders over all time teach us to make the choice to forgive. Instead of reacting, we should take the initiative to forgive.

In his book, Why Am I Afraid To Tell You Who I Am?, John Powell says he was walking down the street with a friend and they stopped to get a paper. The man selling the paper was discourteous and very rude. As they walked away, John's friend said to the man, "You have a nice day, now!"

John asked his friend, "Is that man always that rude to you?"

"Yes."

"Are you always that nice to him?"

John's friend said, "Yes, I'm not going to let one man ruin my day."

The brilliant African-American scientist, Booker T. Washington, faced prejudice all his life, but he made a very significant choice about how he would handle it: "I will never allow another man to control or ruin my life by making me hate him."

The moment you start retaliating or seeking revenge is the same moment you give up control of your life. You have allowed the person you're angry at to gain control of your life because you are reacting, which is a position of weakness, as opposed to forgiving, which is a position of strength.

So now we understand why we should be forgiving people; how do we get there?

"To understand forgiveness, you must first understand what forgiveness is not," psychiatrist Dr. Ned Hallowell says in his book Dare to Forgive. He explains at Oprah.com that forgiveness it isn't about turning your cheek to someone or running away from the problem. It's not about condoning what the person has done.  It doesn't mean that you don't want the offending person to be punished. It doesn't mean that you forget the offense, nor does it mean that by forgiving you tacitly invite bad things to happen again. It doesn't mean that you won't defend yourself.

So what does it mean? Forgiveness is one of those words that we assume we can define, but when asked we sometimes come up blank, so let's think about it a moment: How would you define forgiveness?

The dictionary can help. The American Heritage College Dictionary defines "forgive" as, "To renounce anger or resentment against." It goes back to a Greek root word that means "to set free," as in freeing a slave. Ironically, when we forgive, the slave we free is ourselves. We free ourselves from being slaves to our own hatred.

So what is forgiveness and how can you practice it? Dr. Hallowell shares four steps to help you forgive others.

Pain and Hurt
Dr. Hallowell says the first step to forgiveness is acknowledging what happened.

• Talk to someone you trust and open up about how hurt, sad or angry you may feel. Let your emotions out, and don't apologize for them.
• Don't withdraw or isolate yourself. Stay connected and feel the pain, even though it hurts. With someone there to listen, the pain is more bearable.

Reliving and Reflecting
Once you've had the chance to vent, you are ready to appeal to your rational side, Dr. Hallowell says.

• Ask yourself: What do you want this pain to turn into?
• Look for the hook. The hook is what is holding you back—it's the portion of the misdeed that is causing you to hold on to your anger and resentment.
• Empathize with the person who hurt you.
• Remember that forgiveness is not the service of condoning. It's a service to yourself—free yourself from the poison of hatred.

Working It Out
Dr. Hallowell says this step is difficult, but you need to analyze your anger and put your life back into perspective.

• Flatten the hook (what's holding you back) and rid yourself of the anger that is keeping you from forgiveness. Praying and mediating can help.
• Take inventory and give thanks for all the things you do have.
• You can imagine vengeance—just don't act on it.
• Think of your future. Know that you and your loved ones will be better off once you have rid yourself of any vengeful thinking.

Renounce Your Anger and Resentment
Dr. Hallowell uses the word "renounce" because your resentful feelings may never permanently go away.

• Acknowledge that your anger can come back.
• If your anger does comes back, go through the process again and flatten the hook to keep moving forward.
• Try to teach others the skill of forgiveness in an empathetic way.

The amazing thing about forgiveness, I think, is that when you have truly set your heart and mind on it...it will happen. Many times we tell ourselves to forgive someone or some transgression, but we may not have taken the steps to place our pain or anger where it cannot hurt us any longer. Once that step is taken- I know- it's a huge step!- but once it is taken...even a genuine start in the process...you will be free, and you will have forgiven.

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

How to be spiritual every single day. And no, you don't have to go somewhere to do it.

Spirituality- it's not just for Sundays anymore. Have you thought about yours lately? Your level of spirituality can play an important role in each and every aspect of your life- your job, your job search, perhaps, your friends and family- in short, you.  Of course, our families move to the head of the list when it comes to safeguarding the most important relationships of your life.  While it's good to have strong relationships with all the people in your life, it's important to put your relationship with your "Source" at the top of your priority list, spiritual teacher Dr. Wayne Dyer, spiritual guru, and renowned author of "Excuses Begone! How to Change Lifelong, Self-Defeating Thinking Habits", tells Oprah. Your Source can be God, the Tao, Divine mind, Krishna or whatever else you call your higher power—the key is that you make this bond your number one.

Dr. Dyer shares five practices to help you become more spiritual every day.

Get Quiet

Decide to reduce the noise level in your life. Learn to take time each and every day for

quiet contemplation. For example, when you're driving alone, turn off the constant chatter bombarding your inner world. Try to make meditation a daily practice, even if it's only a few minutes each day. As Swami Sivananda reminded his students, "Silence is the language of the gods." Ask in silence, listen in silence, and let silence be the jumping-off point for becoming one with the creative force of the universe.

Reenergize Your Surroundings

The Power of Intention works when you surround yourself with people who are on the same spiritual path as you. Remember that like attracts like, so you attract Source energy to you by being like it. Similarly, when you're continually in the company of low-energy, angry, depressed, shaming, hateful people, you'll probably find life a little more challenging. Choose to be in the company of those who hold a space for you to achieve the joy of maximizing, rather then minimizing, your highest human potential. Make your surroundings a temple of love and kindness. Pay attention to the music you listen to, the art you view, even the arrangement of your furniture and flowers—all of it!

Get Back to Nature

One of the most spiritual things you can do in your life is spend time in nature. When I am in nature, it feels like God has entered my consciousness, and a rapturous feeling of contentment overwhelms me. A setting that showcases nature's beauty is pure God in action: unspoiled, untended, alive in stillness and teeming with life. When you're there, you'll begin to see the miraculousness of every cubic inch of space. You'll feel the presence of an energy that you may have lost touch with in your daily life, and that energy is in you.

Practice Yoga

The meaning of the word yoga translates to "union." The ancient rishis who gave us yoga considered stretching, balancing and flexible exercise an opportunity to experience union with God. Such a union with the Source of being wasn't a painful experience, since God was viewed as natural, peaceful and gentle. Even as you stay in a space the size of a small mat, you attain the same kind of benefit as other, more punishing exercise regiments but without the pain or exertion. Yoga is a great workout for the entire body—particularly the joints, muscles and even internal organs—but especially for the mind.

Practice Mindfulness

Truly experience all things you do during the day. Try to escape the habitual feelings and thoughts you experience and stay in the present moment. Enjoy each of your actions fully.

See if just for a few minutes today, you can truly quiet yourself- from the stresses, anxieties, unanswered questions and problems, or even anger you may harbor deep inside. Quiet your mind, and find out if a small pocket of peace- to bring you closer to the spirituality each of us holds inside.  Have a blessed, and wonderful day.

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

Set yourself, and others, to the highest expectations- you might be surprised.

Our very good friend, Rick Warren, author of A Purpose Driven Life, tells an amazing story about a friend who taught college in Oregon for awhile. Bruce, Rick's friend, was told when he began his first semester teaching there, that the college placed students in English classes by their level of ability. Bruce was assigned to teach two “average ability” classes and one “advanced ability.” He really enjoyed teaching the advanced class: they seemed more alert, more fun, asked better questions, and, as expected, had a higher grade average than the other classes.

On the final day of the semester, Bruce commented on these differences to the other professors in the faculty lounge. He said he hoped to get more of the advanced classes next semester. He was very surprised when the department director said, “Bruce, I don’t know where you got your information but we phased out the average/advanced distinction a year ago. You’ve been teaching mixed classes all semester like the rest of us!”

Bruce couldn’t believe it! He checked his records, and sure enough, there were far more A’s and B’s in the class that he thought was full of smart kids. And he really had enjoyed teaching that class more. But the only real difference between the classes had been Bruce’s expectations of them.

You can set people up for success or failure by your expectations.

People tend to become what they think we expect them to be. If you communicate to the people around you that you expect them to be lazy, uncreative, and negative, that’s probably how they will respond to you. On the other hand, if you treat people like winners, they’re likely to become winners. Psychologists call it “The Pygmalion Effect.”

• The best salesmen expect customers to buy their product.
• The best executives expect employees to have creative ideas.
• The best speakers expect audiences to be interested.
• The best leaders expect people to want to follow.
• The best teachers expect students to learn.
Would you like to bring out the best in those around you? Here's the key: Treat them the way they could be! Don’t just “tell it like it is.” Tell it like it could be.

What are you expecting this week from others...or, yourself? 

There is only one person who is capable of setting limits to your growth and that person is you. Your life can change, when you decide it can.  It can change, and the relationships around you can as well, when you set your sights higher- for those closest to you, and for yourself; when you expect more of yourself, and go beyond the limiting beliefs- the labels- we put on those around us.

Examine yourself, and the relationships you have with friends, family, and co-workers (or employees, for that matter!) Don't be afraid of difficulties, impossibilities and losses. Let everyone around you feel the confidence, and the high expectations, you hold in them.  Be a winner, and you may find your new reality is being surrounded by winners as well. 

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

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Lessons from geese. Betcha didn't know they had any to give!

OK- your standard flock of geese may not be the first idea you come up with when searching for inspiration...well, geese may very well not make it into any idea you have in seeking life's lessons.  They're pretty dirty, noisy and all.  Fair enough, but just for kicks, let's see what we can learn from THE GOOSE.  You may be surprised.

1.  Fact:  As each goose flaps its wings it creates an "uplift" for the birds that follow.  By flying in a "V" formation, the whole flock adds 71% greater flying range than if each bird flew alone.

Lesson:  People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going quicker and easier because they are traveling on the thrust of one another.

2.  Fact:  When a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of flying alone.  It quickly moves back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird immediately in front of it.

Lesson:  If we have as much sense as a goose, we stay in formation with those headed where we want to go, too.  We are willing to accept their help and give our help to others.

3.  Fact:  When the lead goose tires, it rotates back into the formation and another goose flies to the point position.

Lesson:  It pays to take turns doing the hard tasks and sharing leadership.  Like geese, we are interdependent on one another's skills, capabilities and unique arrangements of gifts, talents, knowledge or resources.

4.  Fact:  Geese flying in formation honk to encourage those up front to maintain the speed.  

Lesson:  We need to make sure our honk is encouraging.  In groups where there is encouragement, the production is much greater.  The power of encouragement(to stand by one's heart or core values and encourage the heart and core of others) is the quality of honking we seek.

5.  Fact:  When a goose becomes ill, or is wounded and going down, two geese drop out of formation and follow it down to help and protect it.  They stay with their fallen comrade until it dies, or is able to fly again.  Then they launch out with another formation or catch up with the flock.

Lesson:  If we have as much sense as geese, we will stand by each other in difficult times as well as when we are strong.

It's called "teamwork", my dear friend.  And think about it:  what places or situations could this encouraging teamwork spirit work for you?  Work- I bet.  School?  Of course!  Your spiritual center committee?  Absolutely!  How about your neighborhood, or as close to home as family members.  Give a honk to those in your life you care about today! 

Happy Monday-

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

Maybe you're not their parent, but you can still play a vital role in a young adult's life choices

I hope you had a terrific weekend of observing our July 4th holiday.  Was yours a weekend of family time?  It's great to see generations from young to the "not so young" of us- all together for fun and celebration!  Special occasions provide a built in time to connect with the young children and young adults in your life, but you carry such a powerful influence beyond a weekend celebration!  Even if you’re not a parent, the role you can play in a child's life is incredibly significant! Grandparents, aunts, uncles, older siblings, mentors and coaches can all help guide a child toward healthy choices at every stage of life. We're turning to Time to Talk for a new perspective on making a difference for a new generation.

For younger children, you can reinforce messages about eating healthy and staying active. And, as kids get older, some of the most difficult times they'll face come at them in this stage of their development, when it comes to peer pressures, and wanting to fit in.  Your advice can help steer them toward positive decisions when they’re up against tough choices.

Wondering how you can build a better relationship with the child in your life? Put the following tips to work — and enjoy the benefits for years to come.

Grandparents

You have a conversational leg up on most people in your grandchild’s life; you have the inside scoop on what his parents were like as kids! Help take the pressure to be perfect off of kids by telling them stories of their own parents’ shortcomings when they were younger. The fact that Dad didn’t make the varsity soccer team but discovered he loved to draw soon after can be a big boost to your grandchild’s own self-esteem.

Aunts and Uncles

As kids get older, they tend to think that their aunts and uncles are somehow just a bit cooler than their parents. After all, they usually get to stay up past bedtime at your house, and the no-soda rule? It’s out the window. The cool factor you possess can help your niece or nephew feel comfortable opening up to you. Let your niece know that unless you think she’s in danger, the things she talks to you about will stay just between the two of you. The best way to find out if something is bothering a tween or teen? “Keep it simple,” says family therapist Dr. Jane Greer. An easy conversation starter: “You don’t seem like yourself lately. Things going okay?”

Coaches and Mentors

Since coaches and mentors typically get to know kids in performance-related activities, from sports to the school newspaper to debate team, they can notice changes in behavior and motivation. Use those changes as an opportunity to talk to the child you know and find out what’s going on in his or her life. If a child seems off his game or is just acting out of sorts, pull him aside and ask questions like “What’s going on today?” or “How come you’re not paying attention?” suggests Bob Caruso, CFO of the Partnership for a Drug-Free America and a basketball coach for teens. If you’re not satisfied with the answer or your concerns continue, call the primary caregivers to see if they too have noticed any changes in their child.

From a Distance: out-of-town relatives

You may not get to see your niece, nephew or grandchild every day, but for long-distance relatives, the conversational opportunities still abound. From the time kids are small, ask to speak to them on the phone, and as they grow, let them know they can always call you to talk. Once the child has an email address, write to him/her regularly with questions about his or her life. A simple “How was school today?” or “I love when you tell me stories about things you do with your friends” shows your young relative that you want to know what’s going on in his or her life. And don’t forget: kids of all ages love to get mail—especially if they’re too young for an email account. Let them know you’re thinking about them on a regular basis by sending a note their way that says, “Have a happy week,” “I’m proud of you!” or simply, “I’m thinking about you.”

If You’re Worried

Worried about the child in your life? Then it’s important that you talk to him, says Dr. Greer. “If you are concerned that there is something going on, be very genuine and very open and say, ‘Hey, how are you doing? Is everything okay? You seem a little not yourself. You seem a little low energy. Anything we can talk about?’ And then you might throw out, ‘How are things going with your friends?’ or ‘How are things going on the dating scene?’ depending on how much that niece or nephew has already shared with you.”

“If the child is not ready to talk,” says Greer, “continue by saying, ‘Okay, I’m just going to check in and I want you to know that I’m here.’ And then take the responsibility to to send the emails, make the cell phone calls, - and yes, it might be time for you to learn how to text if you don't yet know!  Use the communication tools that older children and teens do.  Stop by for visits so that she not only hears that you’re there for her but really feels that you’re there for her and sees it.”

When it comes to making these invaluable connections, today is the day- not tomorrow; not next month.  Sure, you might be put off with a teenager's fantastic knack for avoidance, but don't give up.  Even the young person, who isn't making direct eye contact with you, is still hearing your words, and your message has so much chance to take hold.

True friends...do you have them? Are you one? And just what is a true friend?

In all that spiritual authenticity offers to us, friendship counts as high on the list as we can imagine.  Do you have good friendships?  The deeper question beyond that, is, do you offer good friendship?  My good friend, Rick Warren, shares his insights about what it really means to commit to being a friend, and accepting friendship.  Here is some of what Rick offers from Purpose Driven Connection:

Authentic friendship is not superficial, surface-level chit-chat. It's genuine, heart-to-heart, sometimes gut-level sharing.

It happens when people get honest about who they are and what is happening in their lives. They share their hurts, reveal their feelings, confess their failures, disclose their doubts, admit their fears, acknowledge their weaknesses, and ask for help and prayer.

Authenticity is the exact opposite of what you find in many of the societal circles we follow. Instead of an atmosphere of honesty and humility, there is pretending, role-playing, politicking, superficial politeness, and shallow conversation. People wear masks, keep their guard up, and act as if everything is rosy in their lives. Most of us have experienced enough- especially lately, in the woes and challenges our entire country has been facing, to know that we're all capable of hiding hurts and fears, resentments and pain.  These attitudes do nothing to foster real friendship.

It's only as we become open about our lives that we experience deep, and honest, friendship.

So many of us behave as if true intimacy doesn't have a place in our "friendships"- that it only meaningfully occurs in our other, seemingly closer relationships.  We tend to use this belief to hide our hurts, faults, fears, failures, and flaws.  But we're hiding who we really are! Being a friend, in full light and candidness, is bringing the deepest parts of who we are- warts and all, as they say- out into the open and admit who we really are.

Of course, being authentic in our friendships requires both courage and humility. It means facing our fear of exposure, rejection, and being hurt again.

Why would anyone take such a risk?  Bask in the comfort and encouragement of a true friend's heart, and you'll know why.  In the end, it's the only way to grow spiritually and be emotionally healthy.

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.