The John Tesh Blog

How's your child's school year so far- drug free? Find out.

As another school year is now not such a new thing, your family has probably settled into some routines and habits to keep things running smoothly for everyone- maybe you've got a daily, or weekly, checklist. Homework due dates? Check. Upcoming projects? Questions to ask your child about drugs and alcohol? Get it on the list! 

No matter how challenging, or easy, the school year seems to be, or what the daily routines of all in your family, you must devote time to include conversations about substance use, including your "zero tolerance" stance. Research shows that adolescents are at a higher risk of first-time use during periods of "change," in order to cope with stress. A new school year may bring many new changes: new grade, new school, new teachers, new coaches or new friends. Don't let these common tween changes cause your child to experiment with substances. Parents and mentors: here's how to start.

• Talk. Be clear that using alcohol, tobacco or other drugs is not acceptable. Let your child know that you would be very disappointed if he/she chose to use.
• Listen. Provide opportunities for your child to talk about changes happening in their world. Ask open-ended questions like, "How are you feeling about the new school year?"
• Help build confidence. Teach your child how to "break the ice" with new people, by asking things like, "What were you up to this summer?"
• Be a role model. Set a good example by being a consistent, positive presence in your child's life.

Looking for the right time, the right place, the right way, to have this conversation? You may never find such a moment; you have to make the time for it, and simply dig in.  Although drug addiction and alcoholism isn't likely to be a hot topic around your Thanksgiving table this holiday, you may find an easy way to open up the conversation over another point of the weekend. With time off school, and possibly some time off work, a visit over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house could be the way to bring up a difficult subject. It is important to know your family's history of substance use and abuse and to share that information with your child.

While there are a number of factors that determine a child's risk associated with substance abuse, there is strong scientific evidence that substance addiction is partially genetic. Does that mean that if you're an alcoholic, your child is destined to be an alcoholic? No. But, a child whose biological parent or grandparent has been addicted to drugs or alcohol is at a four-time greater risk for becoming an "addict."  And due to the nature of "addiction," and its tie to the brain, if a person is biologically at greater risk for alcoholism, he or she is equally at greater risk for addiction to other substances as well.

Talk To Your Child (Without Judgment) About:

Family History: "Grandpa has heart disease and alcoholism."

Health Risks: "Because of Grandpa's health history, you are at an increased risk of developing not only heart disease, but becoming addicted to drugs or alcohol."

Lifestyle Choices: "You may never get heart disease or become addicted to alcohol. But, the choices you make can help to protect you. To prevent heart disease, it is important you eat right, exercise and maintain a healthy weight. To prevent alcoholism, it is important that you not consume alcohol as a minor. Not only am I fully against underage drinking, but research shows that the earlier a person begins drinking, the more likely that person is to develop an addiction. Even as an adult, if you chose to drink alcohol, you will need to be extra careful, given our family history."

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

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Worried? Many of us are. Tired of it? You bet. Here's how to cope.

Money worries...you're sick of it! We all are, to whatever degree: whether it's the stress of not enough of your own money, a family member's troubles, or simply feeling the heartache of sympathy for so many in our country today struggling to make ends meet- it's hard, and there is a name for it: money anxiety disorder- the latest American epidemic (the acronym, conveniently, would be MAD.)

According to a survey in October by the American Psychological Association, 80 percent of us find the recent financial crisis a significant cause of stress—up from 66 percent last April—and women are bearing the brunt of the worry, reporting greater concern over job stability and health problems affecting their families, for example, than men are. "Money is a safety net, as in, 'I may not be able to count on people, but I can count on my cash,'" says the APA's public education coordinator for Pennsylvania, David Palmiter, PhD. "Now the thinking's gone to: 'There's nothing between me and the abyss.'"

You can find plenty of advice from financial experts on how to cope. But what about the pervasive sense of panic, which can take a serious toll on health, putting you at higher risk for a host of ailments from high blood pressure to heart disease. Science has shown that exercise and meditation are two of the most effective ways to reduce stress—but you probably already know that, and likely feel too pressured to try either. Oprah.com asked a few experts for other strategies you might not have considered.

Try hypnosis:

For years people have turned to hypnosis for help quitting smoking and losing weight, but the technique is also becoming popular among business types desperate to overcome financial stress, according to a November report in The Wall Street Journal. Generally, in hypnosis, a therapist uses verbal cues to put clients into a deeply relaxed state, where they become absorbed in their inner thoughts, then offers suggestions to shift an attitude so they can better tackle a problem. In this case, the suggestions might be "Money is energy that comes and goes" or "Your net worth doesn't equal your personal worth," to deflect the paralysis and insecurity that financial panic can cause. Ideally, clients learn the process on their own.

"Hypnosis is very similar to meditation," explains Dwight Damon, president of the National Guild of Hypnotists, who recommends trying a professional session before using the method on yourself. "While it won't make you richer, it will help you handle, and feel better about, the money you do have."

Treat yourself- NOW??

Yes! To lower financial stress, set a budget for each day and reward yourself, suggests Alvin Hall, a financial commentator on BBC TV and radio and author of You and Your Money: Mastering the Emotions Behind the Numbers. "Ask yourself: 'What is the one thing I can do that will give me the longest-lasting uplift for the least amount of money?'" During the economic downturn of 1987, Hall's treat was blackberry pie. "I'd think about it all day, and if I came in under my budget," he says, "I'd go order a slice. When I couldn't afford that, I'd visit the museum and look at Van Gogh paintings."

Become a manicurist for a friend.

Or exchange massages with your partner. According to Robert Sapolsky, PhD, professor of neurology and neurological sciences at Stanford University, who has studied wild baboons for 30 years, primates groom each other to reduce stress—and the effect seems to be more powerful for the one who is doing the primping.

Take up knitting...and you might come up with a blanket!

According to research at the Harvard-affiliated Benson-Henry Institute for Mind Body Medicine, the repetitive motion and focus of needlework can elicit what's known as the relaxation response—a calming meditation-like state that slows heart rate and causes blood pressure to drop. In addition, a study published in the Journal of the American Geriatrics Society suggests that knitting is associated with a lower risk of dementia for those 65 and older.

See a bigger picture, or that forest through the trees.

During the Great Depression, "stress took the form of personal shame," according to historian David M. Kennedy, Pulitzer Prize–winning author of Freedom from Fear: The American People in Depression and War, 1929–1945. His own father, he says, had "what we would call a nervous breakdown." Kennedy observes that a much healthier and more resilient attitude for our times is: "Taking some responsibility but seeing this downturn more as a systemic failure and not a personal one."

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

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Me? A liar? Could be- here's the truth.

Most of us say we value the truth. And sure enough, telling the truth is one of the first lessons parents work to instill in their young ones. Time and time again, public-opinion polls show that honesty is among the top five characteristics we want in a leader, friend, or lover; the world is full of woeful stories about the tragic consequences of betrayal. At the same time, deception is all around us. Public figures lie to a disturbing degree; many of our social relationships are based on little white lies we tell each other, and sometimes our children, only to be deceived by them in return. The average person, says psychologist Robert Feldman, the author of a new book on lying, tells at least three lies in the first 10 minutes of a conversation. "There's always been a lot of lying," says Feldman, in his new book, The Liar in Your Life. "But I do think we're seeing a kind of cultural shift where we're lying more, it's easier to lie, and in some ways it's almost more acceptable." Newsweek brings the truth to light.

As Paul Ekman, one of Feldman's longtime lying colleagues and the inspiration behind the Fox TV series "Lie To Me," defines it, a liar is a person who "intends to mislead," "deliberately," without being asked to do so by the target of the lie. Which doesn't mean that all lies are equally toxic: some are simply habitual—"My pleasure!"—while others might be altruistic. But each, Feldman argues, is harmful, because of the standard it creates. And the more lies we tell, even if they're little white lies, the more deceptive we and society become.

We are a culture of liars, it seems, and our deceit is so deeply ingrained in our psyches that we hardly even notice we're engaging in it. Spam e-mail, deceptive advertising, the everyday pleasantries we don't really mean—"It's so great to meet you!" "I love that dress"—have, as Feldman puts it, become "an omnipresent white noise we've learned to tune out." And Feldman also argues that cheating is more common today than ever. The Josephson Institute, a nonprofit focused on youth ethics, concluded in a 2008 survey of nearly 30,000 high school students that "cheating in school continues to be rampant, and it's getting worse." In that survey, 64 percent of students said they'd cheated on a test during the past year, up from 60 percent in 2006. Another recent survey, by Junior Achievement, revealed that more than a third of teens believe lying, cheating, or plagiarizing can be necessary to succeed, while a brand-new study, commissioned by the publishers of Feldman's book, shows that 18- to 34-year-olds—those of us fully reared in this lying culture—deceive more frequently than the general population.

So, sounds like we're a bunch of liars, doesn't it? Yet, almost amusingly (I did say almost), is that while we admit to lying, studies show that most of us believe we can tell when others are lying to us. And while lying may be easy, spotting a liar is far from it. A nervous sweat or shifty eyes can certainly mean a person's uncomfortable, but it doesn't necessarily mean they're lying. Gaze aversion, meanwhile, has more to do with shyness than actual deception. Even polygraph machines are unreliable. And according to one study, by researcher Bella DePaulo, we're only able to differentiate a lie from truth only 47 percent of the time, less than if we guessed randomly. "Basically everything we've heard about catching a liar is wrong," says Feldman, who heads the College of Social and Behavioral Sciences at the University of Massachusetts, Amherst.

Ekman, meanwhile, has spent decades studying micro-facial expressions of liars: the split-second eyebrow arch that shows surprise when a spouse asks who was on the phone; the furrowed nose that gives away a hint of disgust when a person says "I love you." He's trained everyone from the Secret Service to the TSA, and believes that with close study, it's possible to identify those tiny emoticons, or micro expressions. One of Ekman's colleagues, Maureen O'Sullivan, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of San Francisco, says, "Micro expressions are fleeting facial expressions that occur when some people try to repress or suppress an emotion. If they are unable to do so completely, the emotion may flash onto the face very rapidly, sometimes for as short a time as 1/125th of a second."

A micro expression suggests that someone may be trying to conceal an emotion. Your recognition of the micro expression tells you what that emotion is, as long as you're correct. Here's the final trick in our puzzle of deception: the emotion may or may not be related to a lie.

So just where does this leave us in determining a liar in our midst? How about bringing that beautiful Golden Rule into play? Treat others as you would have them treat you. Do your best to not lie, and trust those around you. It sure would be great to get that back, wouldn't it?

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

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All the single ladies? All the single men, too. Lots of singles- but do they want to stay that way?

Attention singles. If you feel like you can’t find someone who wants to settle down, you’re right! According to experts, single folks are now in the majority. 51% of the households in America are filled with unmarried people. Add to that, Stephen Mason, PhD, recently wrote in Psychology Today about filling in for a colleague in leading a psychotherapy group called Living Life as a Long-Time Single. Mason says the group that turned out that evening was evenly divided between males and females and their ages varied enough to make it a well-rounded group of people. That being the case, he was "blown away by the response to my very first question. When I asked how many would willingly trade 'singledom' for 'coupledom' they were unanimous in wanting to switch." There was, of course, the requirement that the Significant Other should be a real sweetheart, great catch, etc., but Mason says it still came down to the fact that nobody in the room was there by choice. In the best of worlds, they would all have been home with Mr/Ms Right. So here are the answers to 3 questions about why people stay single. And how they can find someone who wants to commit. These come from Jillian Straus, author of the book Unhooked Generation.

• Question #1: Why is it so hard for people to settle down? Straus says the biggest reason people are scared to commit is because they don’t want their marriage to fail. Today’s singles are the first generation to be heavily affected by the rise in divorce – which boomed in the 70s and 80s. Prior to that, divorce was still considered shameful. 
• Question #2: How can people be more positive about committing? Straus says people need to stop thinking “Am I missing out on someone better?” Trends like internet dating let singles connect with tons of potential mates, so they’re always left wondering if there’s something better out there. But the grass is never greener on the other side of the fence. When you get to the other side, and see it up close, you see that someone else’s lawn has the same weeds and bald spots yours does. The lesson is to appreciate what you’ve got, instead of dreaming of what you don’t have. So if the person you’re dating meets 8 out of 10 requirements on your list – stick with them. You’ll never find someone who gets 10 out of 10. Also, would you want to be judged as harshly as you’re judging others? Probably not. If you want to be loved “warts and all” – you have to do the same.

So how can you get a relationship off on the right footing? You have to let potential mates know exactly what you want; people aren’t mind readers. Relationships are about communication, and if you can’t speak your mind early on, you’re going to have a hard time in any serious relationship. So, if you want to have Mexican food for dinner, but you answer ‘I don’t care’ when your date asks where you want to eat, don’t get upset if you end up at an Italian restaurant.  You do care; saying you have no preference isn't putting a real you out in front. David Steele, author of Conscious Dating, says that people put more effort into buying a car than selecting a mate. When they do meet someone, they make impulsive decisions based on desperation, or fleeting feelings. So, here are his tips on how to stop hoping for love, and become a conscious dater who’s actively looking for it:

• First, know who you are and what you want. Think of yourself as an iceberg. The “everyday” you is the part that sticks up out of the water. And the real you is the 90 percent that’s hidden from view. So, sit down with a piece of paper, and ask your hidden self a few questions. Like, what new places, activities, and experiences would you like to try? And where do you see yourself 5 years from now in work, family, and fun? That’s the person you should be selling to the world, and the person who really does have a preference between Mexican or Italian food for dinner.
  
• Then, become the partner you’re looking for. Grab your “wish list,” pick an activity, and make plans to do it. Whether it’s trying spicy Indian food, bungee jumping off a bridge, or sitting under a waterfall on a tropical island. If you do what you love, you’re more likely to run into someone who loves it, too. And voilà – an instant connection!
• Strengthen your relationship skills with your family, friends, and co-workers. Bottom line: The better you are at relationships in general, the better you’ll be at creating - and holding onto - a relationship when you finally meet “The One", or...maybe being single won't feel so much like a void in your life when these relationships become stronger.

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

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Parenting lessons every father should know...and practice.

Fathering your children is the most important thing you’ll ever do in this lifetime. Sometimes the role of the father is downplayed, but the statistics are endless: kids who grow up without a father are more likely to be high school dropouts, end up in prison and abuse drugs. The lessons we learn from our fathers turn us into the men and women we grow up to be. So from the folks at Rodale Publishing here are four great parenting lessons that every father should know!

• Talk to your kids all the time. According to a study in the Journal of Applied Psychology, children learn language skills more from their fathers than from their mothers. So talk to them about everything and use big words. They might not know what they mean now, but they’ll learn a lot just by listening.
• Stay calm in the face of tantrums. When your kid is screaming, don’t get worked up. It just makes the situation worse, and handing over a treat to get them to stop, only reinforces bad behavior. Instead, listen to them and calmly whisper your response to what they’re saying. Just because your kid did something idiotic doesn’t mean you have to act like an idiot too. Instead, lean over to them, put your lips close to their ear, and whisper. ”I’m very disappointed in the way you’re acting.” You’ll get your message across. Bringing down the volume makes sure your kids don’t get the drama they’re looking for.
• Help your kids understand that quitting can be even harder than finishing. Hal Runkel, author of Scream Free Parenting, says when his son wanted to quit baseball he told him he could, BUT he had to tell the coach AND all his teammates. His son couldn’t do it. He’s been playing and loving it for seven years.
• Let kids have a little independence, but make them earn it! Studies say when kids have more freedom and responsibility they develop stronger morals more quickly. So it’s okay to let your kid stay out a little later, as long as they understand that there are rules and consequences for breaking them. So, when your kids asks to stay late at a friend’s house, ask them why. If they don’t have a good answer, it’s OK to say no.

So what do you think, Dad? Got a few minutes today to think about this, and a little more  time this weekend to put some of these lessons into action (yes, even if you already do- little more push- know what I'm saying?) Can you envision a point in your life at which you can say, "There- my job as Dad is done."? End of story- share a great weekend with your family, and it'll end up being a better one for you, I'm just willing to bet!

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

Trick your teen? The treat you'll find is better communication.

It’s a fact: teens trick their parents from time to time. Experts say it’s normal for teens to stretch rules, take risks and try out some trickery (just think back to when you were a teen- go ahead- breathe that sigh of relief that you came out all right!) But there are some key things parents can do to keep their young tricksters safe and healthy. With Halloween around the corner, why not roll up your sleeves and do some productive tricking — and treating — of your own?

Here are 10 ways parents can reduce teen mischief and encourage a healthy relationship with their teen on Halloween and beyond from The Partnership for a Drug-Free America.

1. Trick your teen into talking.

Make time to talk with your teen every day, so it becomes routine. That way when you have an important topic to discuss, it will be more comfortable and flow more naturally. Chat it up regularly — about celebrities, classmates, the news or anything to help maintain open lines of communication.

Neil I. Bernstein, Ph.D., adolescent psychologist and author, says “If you’re thoughtful and open and expressive, and you’ve developed good communication with your kids all along, it’s going to be an easier ride.”

2. Trick them with your digital savvy.

Bone up on the latest technology and you’ll gain a better understanding of your teen’s  world. Learn to use online social networks like Facebook and MySpace and status update services like Twitter. Texting your teen- except when you know they're driving- is a great non-confrontational way to check in, show your support and stay connected.

Surveys from Kelton Research show that more than half of teens who text message think it has improved their relationship with their parents, and 51 percent of parents who text with their teens agree that they communicate more often.

3. Trick them into taking healthy risks.

It’s natural for teens to want to take risks: Teen brains and bodies are bursting with energy and idealism — even if it doesn't always show. Urge your teen to take healthy risks; He may develop some valuable life skills in the process. First learn what your teen finds exciting and daring and then help him focus on some healthy options. Michael G. Thompson, Ph.D., is a psychologist, school consultant and author who would like to see every teen out in the wilderness, out at a summer camp, out on a ropes course, doing something that’s scarier than what he might have chosen to do himself, which Thompson believes gives teens a big boost in self-respect.  "Even if he has a safety line on him, the fact that he’s out on a rope with a 40-foot drop or something, he’s scared, and he’s pushed. And I do think that takes up some of teenagers’ risk-taking energy.”

4. Trick them into telling you about their day.

“How was your day?” “Fine.” Sound familiar? To get your teen to open up to you, try asking specific, open-ended conversation-starters like these:
• Did any of your classmates do anything funny?
• Tell me about what you read in class.
• Do you think math [or any subject] is too easy or too hard?
• What’s the biggest difference between this year and last year?
• Who did you sit with at lunch?
• Can you show me something you learned (or did) today? 

5. Trick your teen into staying out of trouble.

Encourage your teen to join a club, play a sport or participate in community service — this will give her something structured to do afterschool as well as a wider circle of friends. There may be lots of healthy (and cheap!) opportunities right in your community like trying out for a sports team or auditioning for a play. Try getting ideas at the library, her school, or your place of worship. Marybeth Hicks, a motivational speaker and parenting author, writes, “Kids in middle school can try a lot of new sports and activities and drama and music and lots of things that keep them very busy. A tired middle schooler is a low-risk middle schooler — so we want them to be busy and involved. And as we go along with them in those activities and participate in an appropriate way, they know we’re right with them and they know that they’re safe.”

6. Trick them into following your rules.

Rules don’t alienate kids. Rules about what’s acceptable — from obeying curfews to calling in to tell you where they are — make children feel loved and secure. Explain that you set limits only because you care and not because you don’t trust her. Make sure your teen knows your rules, and understands the consequences of breaking the rules. If she clearly sees the consequences, and views them as fair, she is more apt to follow the rules.

7. Trick them into telling you the truth.

Always be honest with your teen, even when it comes to answering difficult questions. If your teen senses your genuine honesty, he will likely follow your example. Explain to your teen know that honesty is a highly-respected trait, one that requires courage and  independent thought. Tell him that you value his honesty and are willing to listen without making judgments. “Use an open-ended question that is not accusatory but alludes to a possible behavior such as ‘Anything interesting happen at the party last night?’”, advises Vanessa Van Petten, an author and teen expert.

8. Trick them by offering a safety plan.

Imagine you’re a teen and you’ve just done something really dumb like get drunk at a friend’s house. Who are the last people on earth you’d want to find out? Your parents, right? A safety plan gets your teen past that fear by letting him know that you care more about him than about what he does. Even if you think he already knows how you feel,
spell it out for him. Then lay out your plan. Here’s one way to do it:
“Nothing in the world is more important to me than keeping you healthy and safe. That’s one reason I don’t want you to drink or do drugs. But if you ever find yourself in a bad situation- like, you get drunk at a party, or the person who’s supposed to drive you home does- I want you to call me. I don’t care what time it is. I’ll come to pick you up and I won’t ask any questions until the next day. Will you promise to do that for me?”

9. Trick them into feeling good about themselves.

Give your teen lots of praise and positive feedback. Teens need to hear the “good stuff” just like the rest of us. (And they’ll eat up the extra attention, too.) They need to know you can still see beyond the things they do wrong from time to time. Catch them being good and always reward positive, responsible, mature behavior. Richard Catalano, Ph.D., Professor and Director of the Social Development Research Group at The University of
Washington’s School of Social Work, says, “After your teen finishes a task, or at least shows that he really tried, make sure you recognize his effort. That recognition really provides the motivation for kids to continue.”

10. Treat your teen with love and support.

It’s very important that teens feels supported at all times by their parent. Be sure to let your child know that he or she can always count on you and come to you for guidance.
• Reassure your child that she can confide in or seek advice from you when she’s stressed or dealing with a personal issue.
• As frustrated as you may feel sometimes (let’s face it, teens know how to push our buttons), try to speak from a place of love, caring and concern — and express these feelings to your teen.
• Remind your teen that the reason you’re always talking with her and asking questions is because you love her and care about her and want her to be healthy and successful.
• Provide your teen with lots of hugs and kisses- even at the risk of unbelievable embarrassment to them as they duck under your arm to get away!

Think these are some tricks you can take on? Seems like one sweet treat to reach, if you do!

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

Your ultimate health checklist

Everything you need to know in 10 steps?  We're big fans of Dr. Oz on the radio show, and his ultimate health checklist is bound to get you thinking!  Dr. Oz says that the first key is to find the right doctor for you, which you can get some help with by checking out The American Medical Association's Doctor Finder.

During your first visit, there are key questions to consider. "When you go to their office, do the other patients … look like you? Are they board certified? Do they get along with the staff?" Dr. Oz says. "If you get along with them, that person becomes your health coach. Because, remember, the word 'doctor' means 'teacher,' so it's a two-way street. If you come up with the right person, you're on the right path."

Even if you're one of 50 million Americans without health insurance, Dr. Oz says it's important to take this step. "There are free clinics. There are community health plans. If you really don't have enough money to afford a doctor, usually you'll qualify for Medicaid," he says. "But … I don't want to let people off the hook either. Half the people in America who don't have health insurance have some money. They just make the economic decision to not buy it because it's so expensive."

To make your diet more healthy, Dr. Oz says to remember his "rule of fives." Look at the labels of the foods you eat. If you see one of these five ingredients listed as one of the first five things used to make it, don't eat it.

High fructose corn syrup
"We most commonly get this in soft drinks," Dr. Oz says. "It's an inexpensive sugar, which means we're getting a lot of it in our diet."

Sugar
Dr. Oz says when you eat sweets, your brain receives schizophrenic messages. "It says: 'I got calories, but I didn't get any nutrients,'" he says. Your body will keep craving food until it gets those nutrients.

"Enriched"
Also watch out for products made with "enriched" flour, like white bread. "Why would they take bread and have to enrich it? Because they take all the important vitamins out of it, and they sprinkle just a little bit back in there," Dr. Oz says.

Trans fat
Also known as hydrogenated fat, these are fats that were once in liquid form but have hydrogen added to make them solid at room temperature. "It extends the shelf life of the product," Dr. Oz says. "But it shortens the human life."

Saturated fats
These fats come from four-legged animals like pigs and cows.

Instead?

Dr. Oz suggests starting with foods that don't need a label, like fresh fruits and vegetables. "If they're coming out of the ground looking the way they look when you eat them, they're good for you in general," he says.

Antioxidants
You should also fill your grocery cart with items that are high in antioxidants, such as tomatoes, broccoli, kidney beans, blueberries, artichokes and prunes. "Whatever has that deep color like a blueberry, you know it's rich in antioxidants," he says. Try to eat five to seven servings of these foods every day.

Omega-3 Fats
Increase your intake of omega-3 fats to 3 grams a day. "Remember, 80 percent of our brain is fat," Dr. Oz says. "We need to have the right kinds of fats in our body to make sure our brain is the most resilient to stress and can learn the fastest." Some good sources include ground flaxseeds, walnuts, salmon, scallops, soybeans and squash.

Fiber
Dr. Oz says the average American gets about 12 grams of fiber a day, but he recommends double that amount. Oatmeal, 100 percent whole grain bread, lentils, pine nuts, peas and raspberries are all great sources of this nutrient.

Olive Oil
The last item to add to your shopping list is virgin or extra-virgin olive oil. Ideally, Dr. Oz says you should consume about a tablespoon every day. One nutritious—and delicious—way to eat olive oil is with tomatoes, made into a pasta sauce. "If you get that into your diet a couple times a week, you're getting these nutrients naturally."

If you need more nutrients beyond your daily diet? Let's look to vitamins.

With so many variations to choose from, how do you what vitamin is right for you?

If you're a young, premenopausal woman, Dr. Oz says to look for a multivitamin that contains iron. "If you're menstruating, you'll need the iron to make new red blood cells," he says. "And you don't want more than 5,000 units of vitamin A."

If you're a postmenopausal woman or a man, Dr. Oz suggests a multivitamin without iron and no more than 2,500 units of vitamin A. "You don't need the iron, because you're not bleeding every month," he says.

Before you add this step to your daily routine, consult with your doctor. Dr. Oz says people who are taking medication to lower their cholesterol may need a different dosage.

And the rest:

Waist Size
Suck in and measure your waist at your belly button. It should ideally be less than half your height—about 40 inches for men, 37 inches for women.

Blood Pressure
The ideal blood pressure is approximately 115 over 75. "If the systolic or first number is 140 or above or if your diastolic or second number is 90 or more, alert your doctor," he says.

Cholesterol
This ratio is the third number you need to know. "You want your LDL, or lousy cholesterol, to be less than 100," Dr. Oz says. "You want your HDL, or healthy cholesterol, to be greater than 40."

Resting Heart Rate
Take your pulse when you get out of bed in the morning and strive to get it as close to 60 as possible.

Blood Sugar
A simple finger stick can help you discover your blood sugar levels. "When your blood sugar is high, it's like if I take [a] glass and crack it on the ground and take the glass shards and scrape the insides of your arteries," he says. "That's what those sugar molecules do inside of you."

Vitamin D
You should also know your vitamin D levels—more Americans are deficient in vitamin D than any other vitamin. Vitamin D can help a person prevent cancer, heart disease, multiple sclerosis, diabetes, autoimmune ailments and thyroid problems. You can get enough through 15 minutes a day of sun exposure during the summer or a daily vitamin D supplement with 1,000 units.

C-Reactive Protein
This is a way to tell if your body is full of inflammation and irritation. "If you've got gingivitis, prostatitis, vaginitis—if you've got any of these inflammations in your gut—they can elevate the C-reactive protein," he says. "C-reactive protein tells us how much of a battleground there is inside of you."

Thyroid Stimulating Hormone, or TSH
As Oprah learned the hard way in 2007. "If you have unexplained weight gain. If your hair has changed. If you don't have the get up and go. If your libido's off, the number one thing that we check is thyroid stimulating hormone," Dr. Oz says. "It tells us whether your thyroid gland is functioning normally."

Dr. Oz says a health advocate can be anyone—your spouse, child, relative or friend. "Bring someone who's actually going to pay attention and understands the process and takes notes," he says.

When you are under stress from doctors' diagnoses or are too sick to speak up for yourself, it's crucial to have someone helping you. "Get someone who you trust and make them your partner in this process."

Make sure you get an updated copy of your medical file before you leave the doctor's office. In case you need to see another physician, he or she will be able to make a diagnosis more quickly and accurately.

While this can be intimidating, Dr. Oz says you need to get over that intimidation. "Here is the reality. You want to know your family history. You want to know immunizations. You want to understand what your doctor's been thinking and doing with you," he says. "Because when you go to the next doctor, you don't want them being Columbo, trying to figure out what's going on with you. Why make it hard for them?"

First things first, Dr. Oz says everyone should get an annual checkup, see their dentist every six months and get an eye exam every two years.

The rest of your health test schedule depends on your age and gender. Check with your doctor to find out which tests you may need.

There are four main exercise goals you should be aiming to achieve this year.

Start Walking
Your goal is to get up to 10,000 steps a day, but Dr. Oz says it's okay to start by walking for 30 minutes a day. This will make for 3,000 steps. Get your steps in with a pedometer and simple changes like taking the stairs instead of the elevator. "Societies that have 10,000 steps under their belt every day don't have much under their belt," Dr. Oz says. "It's one of the best ways to stay thin."

Get Your Heart Rate Up
Besides walking, you need some more strenuous exercise as well. You should work out hard enough to be sweating for at least 60 minutes a week.

Flexibility
Stretch for at least five minutes a day. "If you're not flexible, you'll get hurt and you'll stop exercising," Dr. Oz says.

Strength Training
You need to do some kind of weight lifting or resistance training for at least 30 minutes a week. "If you don't rebuild those muscles, you get frail," Dr. Oz says. "And that's what aging is all about."

While steps 1 to 9 are important, you could lose all of the benefits if you skip sleep. "If you don't get sleep, you'll crave other things like carbohydrates," Dr. Oz says.

7-8 hours a day is what most healthy people need. And while it's true that you can make up some of your sleep loss over the weekend, you're really talking about a short term solution...not so healthy if you're trying to make up for 10 lost hours of work week sleep every single weekend! If you are one of the 70 million Americans who don't get enough sleep, talk to your doctor first.  

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

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Clearing out your car, your computer, and then your garage. Un-cluttering, Part Two.

We talked about a lot couple of weeks back about the things in our homes that are overwhelming our lives, and Andrew Mellen, an Oprah contributor, mapped out a plan to use, discard, or donate (see Oct. 12.) This is all about some Autumn cleaning: figuring out what you should keep and what needs a good "heave-ho"; then figure out how to make what you have work for you...hope you got a good start inside your daily living areas. But how about some other areas where you spend a lot of your life, overall?

The Car (Or, "The Storage Space on Wheels")

If you have to clear off the backseat for company, there's a problem.

What shouldn't be in the car: old food wrappers, toys, the dry cleaning or recycling you've been meaning to drop off for a week (just take it out of the car until you're ready to make the trip), out-of-season tools (if it's June, you can remove the ice scraper from the trunk).

What should be in the car: registration, insurance certificate, owner's manual, maps and/or GPS, extra pair of sunglasses in case of glare, small folding umbrella, headset for your cell phone (preferably you're not talking while driving, but if you are, please be hands-free), envelope with supermarket and drive-through restaurant coupons and any gift certificates you've received (it's pointless for them to be in the drawer at home).

What should be in the trunk: tool kit, flashlight, working spare tire. In winter, add ice scraper, bag of kitty litter (for traction in snow), a small blanket.

The Chaotic Computer

You don't want to spend an hour looking for a scone recipe—or your résumé—because you're searching through all the stuff on your desktop. If you can't see the pretty picture on your computer screen because it's full of icons for documents, downloads, and photos, start making folders. Color-code them: The folder for your financial documents can be green, the one for your job search can be blue. Like goes with like—all your résumés in one folder, all photos in another. Label each one clearly. Then put all your folders in "My Documents," a master folder that you have whether you're on a Mac or a PC.

You can save e-mail correspondence, but discard the one that says, "Great, see you at 12 on Thursday!" and save the one with information about what you discussed.

By the way, if you're constantly responding to e-mail, you're being pulled away from the things that you need or want to do. Try checking it hourly. Or dare I suggest (gasp!) once in the morning, and once in the afternoon?? Try holding yourself to that rule for your Facebooking, or Tweeting, too.

The Basement (yes, you're gonna have to step in) or Garage

Where do you start? With the bad, scary corner. First, get rid of un-salvageables. If the basement flooded and a whole bunch of stuff got waterlogged, these are no longer your possessions; they're a mildew-fest. Just say goodbye.

Once you've gotten rid of the garbage, start grouping similar items, which makes it easy to see what there's too much of and what's broken. Tackle one category at a time—the holiday decorations, the seasonal clothing (yep- including all the boxes of the "don't fit right now" clothing), the journals or paperwork- now long outdated- that you've been keeping for years. If you have enough room, spread everything out to take stock of it all. And while you're getting excited for the holidays looking through all those decorations? You guessed it:

When everything has been sorted, prune. Yep- just like you do in the garden every year: Is this important enough to save? Is it useful? Discard what isn't...like that beautiful star for the tree with the twinkling lights...which haven't twinkled in three years, painfully obvious when you look at the unlit lights...time to say goodbye.

Next, containerize what's left, but don't buy storage bins until you have an understanding of what you're putting into them. It doesn't serve you to come home with two 40-gallon tubs if what you need is 19 shoe boxes. Better idea? Clear plastic storage containers (check around for a good sale price- sure to be had getting closer to the holidays); of course, you can label boxes, but if you can spare a few bucks to really set yourself up to be able to see the contents immediately- go for it. And if you also use your basement as a play space for your kids or to entertain, get rolling shelves that can be moved to one side of the room and perhaps even covered with drapes (the ones that have been packed in a box you just found- get it? Make your things work for you!)  Happy Tuesday!

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

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Is honesty the best policy- when it comes to making a mistake at work?

Uh-oh. Friday afternoon came, and you realized- too late- an important piece of information that should have been included in a report that your boss is giving today. Wow- what to do? Well, first, take a deep breath. And read on- this is just a terrific, look-you-straight-in-the-eye set of guidelines if you've...screwed up by Eve Tahmincioglu, who writes a weekly career column for MSNBC.com.

If the captain of the Titanic had not gone down with the ship, would he have blamed the iceberg for the disaster?

Probably not, because it would have been considered "dishonorable" for a longtime veteran of the sea like Capt. Edward John Smith to throw off the blame, says Carol Tavris, a social psychologist and co-author of "Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts."

But today, she adds, accepting responsibility for our mistakes has become passé in politics, finance and the workplace in general.

Just look at the financial sector's collapse: too few have lined up to take the fall for Wall Street's fall.

Richard Fuld, a veteran of 158-year-old Lehman Bros., was CEO when the company collapsed in spectacular fashion in September 2008. He testified before Congress recently and blamed the implosion on everything from short selling to the government. He maintained that his decisions and actions as the leader of the firm "were both prudent and appropriate."

So what does a high-ranking CEO, or even a  rank-and-file employee gain by admitting a mistake and taking the blame? Depends.

Should you fess up or deny?
On the surface, it seems Fuld has little to lose, since he is walking away with nearly $500 million in compensation earned during his tenure at the company.

That said, there could be a hidden cost to admitting any error.

"What do we think of CEOs hiding from responsibility?" asks Angie Morgan, co-author of "Leading From the Front: No-Excuse Leadership Tactics for Women."

"Their personal integrity has gone away," she said. "Respect is the ultimate reward you can get as a leader."

In general, does it help or hinder a career to admit mistakes and take the blame? Should you fess up -- or deny, deny, deny?

There is no easy answer to these questions, experts say. It all depends on a number of factors:

·  The gravity of the mistake you made.

·  How you approach fixing or resolving the mistake.

·  And most importantly, how understanding your managers are when it comes to screw-ups.

When Morgan was an officer in the Marine Corps deployed in Australia, she made some mistakes.

On one occasion, she sent two Marines under her command into the Outback without radios or any communications tools. When they didn't return that evening, she realized their lives could be on the line.

She immediately told her commanding officer her mistake.

"He then relayed the news via radio to units in the Outback, trying to locate the last unit that came in contact with my Marines. He utilized his communication channels to get a sense of where they were last seen, which allowed him to send out Humvees in those areas to try and locate them," she recalls. "His actions were immediate."

After the Marines were found, she adds, she and her commanding officer "discussed my role in the situation and what I should have done to ensure that the situation never had occurred in the first place."

Morgan learned a valuable lesson.

"When you acknowledge mistakes, you can start looking for solutions," Morgan says.

Lin Grensing-Pophal, an HR management expert, recalls one of her past employees who made a big blunder.

The employee, a copywriter, worked on a major direct-mail initiative for Grensing-Pophal that involved more than 250,000 mailers to promote a bankruptcy book to lawyers.

"I was sitting in my office one day when she came in with a copy of the brochure and announced: 'I've made a very big mistake.' She then proceeded to tell me that instead of listing the book price as $265.00 it was printed as $26.50."

But the employee already had an action plan. "She had looked into a couple of alternatives for correcting the error. We could reprint at a cost of X, or she had found a service that would affix stickers over the price to correct at a cost of X. She offered to have the cost of correcting the error taken out of her salary," she explains, adding that the company did not dock her pay.

Three things that impressed Grensing-Pophal:

·  "She immediately came to me to admit her mistake."

·  "In reality, this mistake was owned by several people. She was the copywriter, but the proofing process we had in place involved the product manager as well as a proofreader. She didn't even bring them into the picture -- she took full responsibility."

·  "She came in with a solution in hand. She didn't just dump the problem on me."

Grensing-Pophal says that ever since, she's tried to use this same approach whenever she, herself, makes a mistake,and sees such times not as opportunities to criticize or place blame, but truly, to learn and improve."

Learning from a mistake
That's something children are supposedly taught from a young age -- how it's important to learn from your mistakes. But too many times, rather than hearing what they should do, children see a very different story when it comes to the adults in their lives screwing up, says "Mistakes" author Tavris. The message that becomes apparent to children is that making mistakes translates to stupidity or incompetence.

That is the wrong approach, she says. "People who are able to admit mistakes don't see those mistakes as a reflection on their own character and ability," she says.

The ability to admit a mistake may also depend on your own conscience, adds Paul Facella, CEO of consulting firm Inside Management.

"I think it depends on your own tolerance. If you can live with yourself and sleep at night knowing you made a mistake, more power to you," he says. "I would be waiting every day with bated breath wondering when the ax was going to fall."

Facella, who is also the author of "Everything I Know About Business I Learned at McDonald's," says he was lucky enough to work in an environment as an executive at the fast-food chain that made employees "comfortable" about admitting mistakes.

"In most situations, if people are honest and explain what they did, and it had no true malicious intent, then most organizations will acquiesce and like that," he says.

It's all about weighing the consequences. "You can't be stupid about this," he advises. "If it was an honest mistake and your appetite for holding something like that back is not strong, I would go with your gut, pick a time and place, and explain it to your managers."

Legal implications
Part of the issue today when it comes to accepting blame, he continues, is the legal implication of doing so, which could mean everything from a loss of bonuses or even jail time.

Tavris believes the fear that you'll be fired or derail your whole career for telling the truth, however, is overblown.

"If you are a good employee, hard-working and care about the quality of your work, and make a rare mistake, then I think admitting it is the best thing to do," she says, so long as you offer corrective measures when you disclose the fumble.

And accepting blame may actually help your career.

"People like working for someone they can trust," Simons says. "And if you have an employee who tells you they screwed up, then you know you can trust them."

There's a payoff on both sides, he says. But, he stresses, "It's naïve to say telling the truth will always serve you well. You have to be able to read if those around you, and the company you work for, are worthy of the truth."

And if there's a young person looking to you for lessons on how to handle mistakes, you'll find that you become worthy of the influence you have, and really, mean what you say. Welcome to a new- honest- week!

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

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A diet to jazz your brain!

So, guess what? I'm on 'The DASH Diet'. “Dietary Approaches to Stop Hypertension.” Salt, sugar, and red meat eaten only occasionally. It's a high fiber diet. The latest study: The group on the DASH diet had the best cognitive function, and...they also had the least decline in mental skills over time.

When it comes to diets, you probably think you’ve heard it all, right? Well, this diet isn’t about saving your figure - it’s about saving your brain...I'm all about that, know what I mean? The DASH diet will sharpen your brain and protect you from losing your memory- that's good stuff! According to WebMD, the DASH diet is a low-fat, high-fiber diet that was originally recommended for lowering blood pressure. It emphasizes fruits and vegetables, nuts and legumes, whole grains, and low-fat dairy products. Salt, sugar, and red meat are eaten only occasionally. A recent study found that when volunteers followed the diet, it slowed the rate of their mental decline, too. The study was done at Utah State University, and tested nearly 4,000 seniors, who had no signs of dementia.

• First, volunteers filled out a questionnaire about what they ate, and how often they ate it.
• They were all given standard tests that measured overall cognitive function - including memory, attention span, and problem solving.  
• Every couple of years, they took the tests again - a total of five times over 11 years.

The results? The group that ate a diet closest to the DASH diet had the best cognitive function at the beginning of the study, and they also had the least decline in mental skills over time. Dr. Ron Munger is a professor at Utah State who worked on the study. He’s not surprised the diet works, because the eating plan has already been proven to lower blood pressure - and high blood pressure is a risk factor for Alzheimer’s disease and dementia. The DASH diet calls for eight to 10 serving of fruits and vegetables a day, but only 25% of us eat even half that much. Dr. Maria Carrillo is the director of medical and scientific relations at the Alzheimer’s Foundation, and she says that every little bit counts, and every day that you follow the diet preserves a little bit of your memory that might have been lost. Want to try it? Go to DashDiet.org.

And I will be sure to update progress I will make! Promise...want to give it a try? I'll most definitely want to know how you're doing, deal? Have a great weekend...dashing wherever you can!

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

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