It's not pleasant to think about, but what would happen if you became injured, or too ill to make your own decisions? Would those now fall into the hands someone you trust implicitly, or a legally closer, yet obscure, family member chosen by the state? Liz Pulliam Weston, a personal finance writer, advises to not wait. Make your decisions known, and soon.
Take this scenario: your mother, out of state, suffers a severe stroke. In the final months of her life, every decision, outside of perhaps picking a daily outfit to wear, is made by someone else. Decisions regarding her life- what she'll eat, how her bills are paid and how hard her caregivers should fight to keep her alive- are now being made by others. Would you, let alone your mother, feel comfortable with this?
Most Americans don't have wills, but that's not the crisis that many in the estate-planning industry would have you believe. With a few exceptions, which we'll talk about below, most people's quality of life won't be much improved by a will.
Who would pay your bills or wrangle with insurance companies about your care? Who would decide whether to sue that driver who hit you -- or to shut off the respirator that's keeping you going?
The state will eventually find someone to fill these roles, after a potentially costly and time-consuming court hearing. But it might not be the person you would want. So at a time when you're most vulnerable, life-and-death decisions could be made for you by a stranger -- or an estranged, distant or greedy relative.
That's why you need the following documents:
- A durable power of attorney for health care, which lets you identify who will make medical decisions for you. (This is also known as an advance directive or health care proxy.)
- A durable power of attorney for finances, which designates who'll handle money decisions.
- A living will, which tells doctors exactly what kind of care you do and don't want to receive if you're terminally ill and incapacitated. (Some states, including Kentucky, Minnesota, Oklahoma, Oregon, South Carolina, Virginia and Wyoming, combine the living will and the durable power of attorney for health care in the same form.)
Fortunately, you can get these documents, plus a basic will, drawn up by an attorney for $300 to $500 in most areas. You can also buy software, such as Quicken WillMaker, for about $40 if you want to do the work yourself.
The point is, just do it. Strokes and accidents don't happen just to other people.
If you need more convincing, consider the case of Robert Wendland, who was severely injured in a 1993 car crash at age 42, sparking a gut-wrenching court battle between his wife and his mother that ended up before the California Supreme Court.
Wendland was in a coma for 16 months before recovering what doctors called "minimal consciousness." He could catch a ball and play with infant toys but couldn't speak, eat, walk, recognize his family or comprehend a Saturday morning cartoon. Doctors said his condition was not terminal but would never improve.
Wendland's wife, Rose, whom a court had appointed as his conservator, decided he wouldn't have wanted to live as he was and asked doctors to remove his feeding and hydration tubes. Wendland's mother, Florence, went to court to keep him alive. Eventually, California's top court sided with the mother -- a few weeks after Wendland died of pneumonia, after surviving on life support for eight years.
Although courts have allowed family members to disconnect life support from unconscious, terminally ill patients who didn't express their wishes clearly, the California justices were reluctant to set such a precedent for "minimally conscious" patients.
Had Wendland created durable powers of attorney or any other paperwork detailing how and whether he wanted life support to be used, the court battle may have been prevented, legal experts said. That's because the U.S. Supreme Court has ruled that every individual has a right to direct his or her own medical care, even if loved ones disagree with those directions.
And let me tell you: Not having clear instructions, or having to fight with other family members over what you think a loved one would want, is pure anguish.
Of course, thinking about these issues is not fun, which is probably why most people avoid it. You have to ponder some of the grimmest circumstances imaginable. Do I want to be on a respirator if I'm conscious? If I'm unconscious? Do I want food and water withheld? How about pain medication?
There are so many issues to ponder that Weston highly recommends ordering copies of Your Way, a guide created by nonprofit group HELP, to aid you in deciding what you want and don't want if you're incapacitated.
You also have to figure out whom to name as your "attorney in fact," or proxy, to help implement these decisions for you. Keep in mind:
- Two heads may be better than one. You don't have to name the same person for both powers of attorney. In fact, many people find that the people they trust to make health care decisions are different from the ones they want handling their finances.
- Spouses are good, but have a backup. If you're married or in a committed partnership, that person is a logical choice to fill both roles. But you'll still need backups in case he or she is injured or killed in an accident with you, or is unable or unwilling to serve.
- Keep them close. For the health care directive, you'll probably want people who are nearby or at least willing to travel to the hospital to be with you, perhaps for an extended time. The person handling your finances may be able to do so remotely, although you may still prefer to name someone who lives relatively close for convenience. In addition to paying your bills and handling insurance claims, the person handling your finances may also need to sell your home or make other complicated moves that require more proximity.
- Make sure they're tough. With your health care proxy, especially, you need someone who's forceful enough and committed enough to your stated wishes to advocate for you, regardless of what others (including family and medical professionals) might think.
You can change these documents at any time, as long as you're still competent. You probably should review them about once a year to make sure you're still comfortable with your decisions.
Once you make these arrangements for yourself, start bugging your parents to get their documents in order. If you're not sure how to start that conversation, you can tell them about your own efforts to deal with incapacity or relate a horror story from a friend's experience (ask around; you'll find some). If nothing else, print off a copy of this, and attach a "Let's talk about this" note.
Now, back to the issue of wills. Really, many people want more control over who gets their stuff than
state law dictates. If you're wealthy,
you need to agree on who would take care of your children in the event of your death. No matter how icky you feel about planning for your own demise, you owe it to your kids to spare them the potentially ugly and drawn-out custody battle that could ensue if you don't make these decisions now.
Weston, wisely, encourages anyone vulnerable in these areas to go make that appointment with an attorney
John
Email John: johnsblog@teshmedia.com
Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos. To learn more about how to join, click here.
Recent Comments