The John Tesh Blog

Give a little? Get a lot.

Can you remember how hard it was to hear your parents say, as you were growing up, "Well, it's better to give, than to receive..." WHAT? How can that be better? Well, science- how about that- has proven what's really in it for you! Stephen Post, PhD, and Jill Neimark are the authors of Why Good Things Happen to Good People, and give us the guide to what you get for your giving, you holiday elf:

It's The Thought That Counts

Just thinking about generosity boosts your immunity. When Harvard students watched a film about Mother Teresa tending to orphans, the number of protective antibodies in their saliva surged; when the students were asked to focus on times when they'd been loved by or loving to others, their antibody levels stayed elevated for an hour. In another study, the brain's pleasure centers lit up when people made check marks next to a list of organizations to which they wanted to donate.

Lend an Ear, Help Your Heart

Being generous with your attention can reduce your risk of heart attack. Cardiac arrest is highly correlated with the amount of self-reference ("I," "me," "my") in a person's speech. The best advice? Listen to and connect with others- OH. How about what we talked about yesterday- LISTENING to those around you to avoid bickering. Social ties lower your risk of dying from heart disease.

Lend a Hand, Lower Your Pain

People suffering from chronic pain report decreased intensity, and less disability and depression, when they reach out to others in similar pain. In one study, pain was reduced by 13 percent. Scientists believe the release of endorphins explains the phenomenon.

Goodness Nose

In a study conducted at Carnegie Mellon University, people who were socially connected reported catching fewer colds. Volunteering is, of course, one of the simplest ways to connect.

Love Heals Some Wounds

In a 2005 Ohio State University study, married couples were given tiny blisters on two occasions. During the first visit, they talked to each other supportively; during the second, they hashed out relationship conflicts. The blisters took a day longer to heal after the second visit, and two days longer in couples with high levels of anger.

The Magic Touch

There's an off switch for the adrenal gland's production of the stress hormone cortisol: massage. A study that recruited retirees to give massages showed that their cortisol—as well as their anxiety and depression—levels dropped significantly.

Do you see an opportunity here, in these last days of the 2009 holiday season to spread some warmth, pay it forward, show your love? Then take it, in good health, my friend!

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

Avoid becoming the Bickers family this holiday season.

Remember them? It seems like your whole family became the Bickers last year. Everyone was so excited to be getting together! But then it didn't take long for everything to go downhill fast- and everyone, instead, was so excited to be away from each other. It's happened to all of us at one time or another- we get excited for the holidays- OH! the whole family will be coming! Well, yes- including an opinionated brother-in-law, an over-the-top aunt who puts the "L" in loud, maybe an interfering cousin who has lots of criticism for the teenagers in the house- and your parenting of them...pretty soon it's your own short-temper leading to soon-regretted outbursts that can put a huge damper on everyone's holiday spirit.

David Burns is a cognitive behavior therapist and author of the best-selling books Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy and When Panic Attacks, as well as adjunct clinical professor emeritus of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the Stanford University School of Medicine. He writes for Oprah about finding the ways to defuse stressful family situations by communicating more effectively. "Most people do surprisingly poorly when dealing with a relative who is hurting, depressed, or anxious—we get defensive and try to solve the problem rather than finding the truth in what the person is saying," says Burns. "I like to use what I call the five secrets of effective communication, which are made up of three listening skills and two self-expression skills."

First, practice listening (Burns calls it the disarming technique): "Find some truth in what the other person is saying, even if it seems unreasonable or unfair. Then empathize by putting yourself in his or her shoes and see the world from her perspective." Part of being empathetic is to act as a mirror, paraphrasing her words and acknowledging how she's probably feeling.

"Third, ask gentle, probing questions to learn more about what the other person is thinking and feeling. Those are the three listening skills."

Now you're ready to begin communicating back. The fourth step is to use "I feel" statements, such as "I feel upset," rather than "You" statements, such as "You're wrong!" Stroking statements come last. "Stroking means treating the other person with respect even if you're angry and they're angry. Always do it in a way that the other person won't feel put down or lose face."

That can mean, for everyone in your family this year, warm and genuine hugs when the holidays are over and it's time for everyone to head back home, as well as warm and genuine excitement to see them all next year, too!

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

Think about putting "spectacular marriage" on your Christmas list this year!

Spectacular? Oh, yes (I must be on a 'spectacular' kick...talked about spectacular, and eco-friendly Christmas decorations yesterday!) It sure is a powerful word, but no more so than the negativity that can turn a relationship sour. Redbook's Nicole Yorio opens the door to 4 spectacularly easy ways to make an amazing marriage with love moves that will bring the two of you closer than ever...just in time for the holidays!

What do couples who describe their marriages as spectacular do differently than those who describe their marriages as simply so-so? The differences are quite small, actually. "When we look at happy couples, we see that great marriages are not the result of hours of hard work," says relationship researcher Terri L. Orbuch, Ph.D., who followed 373 couples for over 22 years as part of a marriage study funded by the National Institutes of Health. "It's the small changes in behavior and attitude that can transform your relationship." In her new book, 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great, Orbuch shares the steps you can take to marital greatness.

1. Understand Each Other's Needs
"The main reason marriages break up is not conflict, communication problems, or intimacy incompatibility," Orbuch says. "It's frustration — the day-to-day disappointment of the gap between what you expect and how your partner acts — that is most damaging." To diffuse that frustration, share your expectations with each other. Maybe your wife desires more affection and you crave more relaxed couple time- that spells time for compromise, and taking turns (see? those sandbox moments still hold true for an adult!) "And be sure to check in with your partner once a year, as added pressures or life changes can create new expectations," Orbuch says.

2. Show Him Some Love
Husbands whose wives give them affirmation — those words and gestures that show they are appreciated, respected, and loved — are twice as likely to describe themselves as happily married. And men may need affirmation more than women, Orbuch's research showed. "Women are constantly receiving flattery from friends and even strangers who say, 'Love your outfit!'" she says. "But men don't get that recognition." Can you imagine a passerby stopping your husband to compliment him on how well his tie matches his shirt? Not gonna happen — which is why men rely on that attention from their wives. Luckily, there's another payoff to your flattery: He's more likely to return those loving deeds back to you.

3. Take 10
A weekly date night is always recommended as a way to reconnect, but sometimes all you need is a few minutes. "I call this the 10-Minute Rule: Take 10 minutes a day to talk about anything — except for kids, responsibilities, or chores," Orbuch says. Throw out Mom's old advice about how an air of mystery keeps the flame alive: Orbuch's research showed that 98 percent of happy couples say they intimately understand their partners. And knowing your spouse intimately isn't always about engaging in heavy conversations: Anything that helps you learn something new will bring you closer, Orbuch says. You can bond over why you think your dog is the smartest one on your block or which superpower you'd want most. You'll get to know each other's inner world and strengthen your bond of happiness.

4. Focus on the Good
The best way to make your relationship better is to work at fixing what's wrong, right? Nope. "The most effective way to boost fun and passion is to add positive elements to your marriage," Orbuch says. "That positive energy makes us feel good and motivates us to keep going in that direction." This doesn't mean that you can't feel — or talk about — anything negative, but "pretend you are weighing your interactions on a scale," she says. "If you want a happier relationship, the positive side needs to far outweigh the bad." The more you honor the love and joy in your bond, the sooner you'll transform your marriage into one that is truly great.

Happiness to you today,

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

If yelling has become your stand in for spanking, you need to read this.

Parenting has changed a lot in the last few decades. These days it’s taboo for parents to hit or spank their children when they’ve been bad. However, social taboos don’t stop almost 90% of parents from yelling when they get frustrated or upset. Basically, according to the New York Times, shouting is the new spanking, and it’s having a harmful effect on our kids.

Most parents have been there. That moment when your eight year old throws a fit because you won’t buy them a toy. You lose your cool, but spanking is out. Recent studies have found that spanking children can slow down their intellectual development and lead to aggression when they get older. So parents are left with nagging or time-outs. According to parenting expert Amy McCready, when they realize that those strategies aren’t working, they start yelling out of utter frustration. Yelling can’t be as bad as spanking right? Well, psychologists think yelling does harm children because they perceive it as a sign of rejection from their parents. They also focus on the emotion – anger or rage – and not the message you’re trying to get across. Yelling can also damage the trust between you and your child – as well as their self-esteem.

So how can you parent without yelling? Hal Runkel the author of Scream Free Parenting has some ideas. He says when you feel a yell coming on, give yourself a time out. Leave the room until you’ve cooled off and spend that time thinking up an appropriate consequence for what they did. Runkel says you should give kids a choice. For example, they can either put their toys away now or lose them for a week. Make sure you follow through. Or, develop a look that your child knows is a signal that they need to STOP what they’re doing. However, for this to work, you need to be loving and open with your kid the rest of the time, and you should only use the look when you’re angry, so they don’t get confused. Finally, try lowering your voice rather than raising it. Your child will be distracted from what they’re doing  because they have to strain to hear you.

But what about when it's your child who's the volume behind the screaming and overall defiance? Let's break down the most common age groups when you find yourself at wits end with your child- this comes from Parents magazine:

Ages 2-5: The Preschool Years- Help them learn to solve problems

How can you tell the difference between defiant behavior and a child who is simply trying to assert his independence? Keep in mind that the first signs of autonomy are a natural development at this age. When a preschooler says "You're stupid," it's usually in response to being chastised ("You can't hit your brother") or being given a directive he does not want to follow at that moment ("We have to get ready to go now").

Don't overreact. "Do you want to win the 'battle' or change the behavior?" asks Cynthia Whitham, associate director of the Parent Training Program at the University of California at Los Angeles. If your child yells "You're a dummy!" and runs out of the room when you ask her to turn off the TV, you should let your child know such language is not acceptable, but do not dwell on it. "This isn't about winning," says Whitham. "You just want to stop the behavior." Ignoring negative behavior after a brief, but firm, reminder that your child's words hurt your feelings can have more impact than starting a prolonged battle of wills.

Think creatively. When Chris Stout, Ph.D., chief of psychological services at the Illinois Department of Human Services in Chicago, was selecting clothes for his son, the 4-year-old said "I hate those" when he looked at the pants. "I asked why," Dr. Stout recalls, "and he told me, 'I only like pants with pockets.' Since there weren't any clean ones, I suggested he wear a fanny pack or backpack and pretend that he had pockets." The idea refocused his son's attention on finding a solution and also let him know that his dad took his concerns seriously. "When your child can't have his way," Dr. Stout advises, "ask yourself, how can we problem-solve around this?" Take immediate action and follow up later. Children are entitled to their opinions but they're not entitled to trample on other people's feelings.

6-9 Year-olds: Model Respect, Not Retaliation

When your 7-year-old resorts to back talk or name-calling, it's easy to think she's being nasty. "When a child insults us, we often decide 'she did it to hurt us,'" says Peter Goldenthal, Ph.D., of the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, author of Beyond Sibling Rivalry: How to Help Your Child Become Cooperative, Caring and Compassionate. "But kids that age are not thinking about the effect they have on their parents. They're thinking about themselves and how they can get attention."

Talking back isn't always bad. "In some ways we really want our children to be able to talk back," notes Constance Katz, Ph.D., supervisor of child and adolescent psychology at William Alanson White Institute in New York City. "Our culture values independence of opinion and we don't want to destroy that quality in our children."

The problem occurs, she notes, when the child's opinion is communicated in a tone that conveys anger, contempt, or dismissiveness. We need to teach our children to get across what they are trying to say without resorting to a harsh or resentful tone of voice. Remember to consistently treat your child with respect so that he will learn how to treat others that way. "If you want your child to respond to your requests respectfully, you need to model that," advises Dr. Katz. "Say you ask your 7-year-old to take out the trash and he snaps back, 'Do it yourself.' If you retort 'You're a brat,' you've moved into the area of character attack," Dr. Katz points out. Instead of stooping to your child's level, treat him with respect by saying, "Hey, cleaning up can be a drag. Want me to give you a hand?" The point is to remind your child that he's part of a family and that respecting one another and pitching in to help out is what all family members must do.

9-12 Years- Straightforward talk with your preteen:

If you find your child habitually makes negative remarks, confront the problem head-on, advises Dr. Goldenthal. But avoid saying something like "Why are you always making those negative comments?" Your child is likely to interpret the question as an accusation, which will only make her defensive. Instead, suggests Dr. Goldenthal, "try saying, 'You seem really angry with me lately, and I'd like to find out what's bothering you.' Kids respond well to sincerity."

Once your child starts to open up, let him know that you hope the next time something is bothering him he'll tell you about it instead of making sarcastic remarks that hurt your feelings and don't solve the problem. When kids are sarcastic, "try turning away and focusing your attention elsewhere," advises Whitham. "Why dignify sarcasm with any response?" The remarks will stop, she says, if you do this consistently.

How about the Gloucester, MA mom, who picked up her 10-year-old daughter from cross-country track practice one afternoon, and asked "How was your day?" Her daughter shot back, "You're on time, unlike usual." Instead of chastising her daughter for her criticism, the mom calmly replied, "Yup, I'm trying to be on time more often, sweetie, and I think I'm getting better at it."

Her daughter immediately softened, Mom recalls. "A lot of tension seemed to melt away." Instead of dwelling on her daughter's insolence, the mother was willing to focus on the truth in her child's statement to successfully avoid a battle. Humor can often have the same effect in turning around your child's mood.

When your child continues to talk back, despite your efforts, you may want to try what Whitham calls the "broken record" technique. With older children, says Whitham, "talking back is basically a bad habit used as a diversionary tactic to wear down parents." To break the pattern, simply repeat, very calmly, a short phrase that clearly states your position. For example, your 12-year-old is arguing that he wants to hang out at the mall with his friends. "Why can't I go?" he pleads. "The subject is closed," you say. "You never let me do anything." "The subject is closed." You may also need to establish a clear consequence. For example, "If you bring it up again, you lose an evening of TV." It won't be long before your son gets tired of the routine and makes other plans. "When a child is ticked off, no amount of reasoning is going to win the agreement," says Whitham. "Ultimately, parents need to realize they have the right not to be screamed at." It probably bears repeating- up to the top of this story, that your best example to your child is you- not screaming at them, either.

As children grow, talking back is a part of the constant struggle between dependence and autonomy. When mouthing off becomes chronic, says Braun, you need to seek out the underlying reasons for such behavior. If the child is talking back at school, too, it may be time to find a family counselor to discuss the root of the child's anger. Most of the time, however, "talking back is about testing limits, learning what is and isn't okay," says Dr. Stout. When you help your child develop the ability to express her opinions without trampling other people's feelings, you give her a valuable skill that will serve her well throughout her life.

If you have a child in any of these age group, as the father of a teenage daughter- who I love with all my heart- let me just say- I think this is some pretty sound advice! Have a terrific Monday!

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

How may bodies do we get in a life? Oh, yes- ONE. Let's keep it cancer free.

Health care reform is a pretty tough issue that has everyone concerned these days. No matter your thoughts, your opinions- one thing we call all agree on is that anything we can do individually to make our bodies healthier, the better! MSN Health & Fitness reports with Self magazine's Aviva Patz to give you the rundown you need to run your risk of cancer DOWN. Little lifestyle changes can lower your odds of hearing the dreaded diagnosis. Slip them into your routine and sleep better tonight.

Stay weight wise

Excess pounds boost cancer risk, a study in The Lancet shows. Build an exercise habit now to head off trouble: The American Cancer Society (ACS) recommends aiming for 30 minutes of activity five days a week.

When you hit your 45th birthday, make sure you're also doing 45 minutes of strength training twice weekly to minimize metabolic slowdown. "Beginning in our mid-40s, we lose up to a third of a pound of muscle a year and gain it back as fat, and fat burns fewer calories than muscle," says Miriam Nelson, Ph.D., director of Tufts University John Hancock Center for Physical Activity and Nutrition in Boston.

Nibble a bit of chocolate

Hooray- an excuse (except- you don't need one!) Researchers have discovered a compound in dark chocolate that fights fast-growing cancers such as colorectal cancer. "It requires the activity of an enzyme called kinase, which causes cancerous cells to die but leaves normal cells alone," says Richard Pestell, M.D., director of the Kimmel Cancer Center at Thomas Jefferson University in Philadelphia. The finding could even lead to adding chocolate to current cancer treatments.

Practice peace

Say ahhh! High levels of the stress hormone cortisol may inhibit a key gene from suppressing tumor growth, findings in the journal Genes, Chromosomes & Cancer suggest. Tame tension with this formula from the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center Healthy Lifestyle Program:

• Take deep belly breaths. You slow and elongate brain waves, bringing on calm.
• Watch your favorite comedy. Enjoying a good laugh activates the areas of the brain that govern humor, in turn suppressing the brain's stress regions.
• Adopt an uplifting mantra. Try "I love my life!" and repeat it when you're happy. You will train your mind to associate the phrase with being content. Then when you're on edge, chant your mantra and you'll immediately feel at ease.

Bake, don't burn

Grilling beef, poultry and fish until it's charred to a crisp can turn amino acids and other substances in the meat into heterocyclic amines (HCAs), compounds that have been linked to cancer. "HCAs are 10 times more potent than most other environmental carcinogens," says Kenneth Turteltaub, Ph.D., a toxicologist at Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in California. Try these ideas:

• Marinate meat before grilling. Soaking chicken breasts in a mixture of cider vinegar, olive oil, lemon juice and spices reduced HCA formation by 92 to 99 percent, notes a study published in Food and Chemical Toxicology. "Marinating creates a barrier between the hot surface and meat, enough to lower the temperature and prevent HCAs from forming," Turteltaub says.
• Keep the grill temp below 325 degrees, the point at which HCAs begin to form.
• Grill meat or fish in punctured aluminum foil to protect against flare-ups. When fat drips on the hot coals, it forms HCAs, plus other carcinogens called polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons that rise with the smoke.
• Microwave beef burgers for one to three minutes before browning; doing so reduces HCA production by 95 percent, according to a study in Food and Chemical Toxicology. Prior to grilling, discard the juices, which contain the building blocks of HCAs.
• Flip burgers often—about once a minute. This action keeps meat juices from getting too hot and activating HCA formation.

Avoid needless tests

Those full-body computed tomography scans you sometimes see at the mall are bad news: CT scans deliver a dose of radiation 50 to 200 times that of a conventional X-ray. A study from Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston found that for every 1,000 patients screened, an average of 908 would have at least one false-positive result, requiring further testing.

Stick to shopping when you're at the mall, and if your doc orders a non-emergency CT scan (say, to investigate headaches), ask if a radiation-free ultrasound or an MRI can be used instead, says Devra Davis, Ph.D., director of the Center for Environmental Oncology at the Uni­versity of Pittsburgh Cancer Institute.

Breathe easily

Radon is a leading cause of lung cancer among nonsmokers. The odorless radio-active gas is linked to up to 22,000 cancer deaths annually, according to the National Cancer Institute (NCI).

It is released during the decay of uranium, an element found in many soils, and can seep into your house. "When inhaled, radon can break down cell DNA and lead to cancer," Davis explains. To test your home, look for a do-it-yourself kit at a home-improvement store.

Steal these secrets

Cancer rates in some countries are significantly lower than in the United States, and many experts attribute this to the lifestyles of people in these areas. Adopt these disease-fighting behaviors from afar:

 

• Spice things up. In India, where breast cancer rates are about five times lower than in the United States, people cook with an abundance of cancer-fighting spices such as cumin, ginger and turmeric.
• Go for whole grains. Finland natives are known for eating loads of dark rye and other whole-grain breads, which likely contributes to their low colorectal cancer rates.
• Kick butts. West Africans smoke much less than Americans, which may in part explain why their rates of esophageal cancer are about 60 times lower than ours.

Cut back on coffee

The number of esophageal cancer cases has jumped 300 percent in the past 20 years, the U.S. Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality reports. A primary cause: chronic reflux, which bathes the throat in stomach acids that can erode tissue.

 

To put out the flames, avoid top triggers like caffeine and alcohol. "They relax the sphincter muscle at the bottom of the esophagus, allowing stomach juices to splash up," says Yvonne Romero, M.D., assistant professor of medicine at the Mayo Clinic College of Medicine in Rochester, Minn.

Be sunscreen-savvy

Melanoma rates among young women jumped 50 percent between 1980 and 2004, the Journal of Investigative Dermatology reports.

 

Apply sunscreen properly: Put on the amount that would fill a shot glass 30 minutes before heading outdoors, then reapply every two hours or after swimming or major sweating. Also, look for broad-spectrum coverage and UVA-filtering ingredients such as Mexoryl, avobenzone and zinc oxide.

Ask about daily aspirin

It's not only for heart disease: One a day reduced estrogen-receptor-positive breast cancer risk by 16 percent, NCI research finds. "Aspirin may block cyclooxygenase, an enzyme that could disrupt cancer development, in part by reducing estrogen levels," says lead researcher Gretchen Gierach, Ph.D. More research is needed, though; long-term aspirin use can cause ulcers.

Beware of false promises

At least 25 companies have misleadingly marketed products containing ingredients like shark cartilage, exotic mushrooms and wild yam as cancer treatments or preventives, prompting the FDA to issue a warning this summer. One supplement, CancerGene, claimed to "help switch on all three genes that inhibit cancer." "These products aren't proven safe or effective," says FDA spokeswoman Rita Chappelle in Rockville, Md.

These ideas are not meant to take the place of regular check-ups with your doctor- you know that. But I guess what I'm thinking is...certainly not going to do you any harm at all to devote yourself to the best health you can create for your body- after all, it's the only one you'll ever have!

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

Your children may be stressed. How to help them be stress-free.

It's not exactly new news to us in this last year, or more, that adults are reporting sky-high levels of stress- even those who'd not felt high levels of anxiety previously. Home foreclosures, job losses (now the leading cause of the highest unemployment numbers we've seen in decades), health care benefits losses...this list can seem insurmountable sometimes! Our economic turndown has taken a huge toll on us- but on our children, too! Kids already have plenty to get stressed about: homework, cliques, sibling rivalry. And as news about the economy, natural disasters, and terrorism fills the airwaves and dinner-table conversations, it's almost impossible for children not to pick up on their parents' stress as well.

"I have kids tell me that they’re worried about the environment and the economy," says clinical child psychologist Mark L. Goldstein, Ph.D., an adjunct professor at the Chicago School of Professional Psychology. Children have a different reaction to stress than adults. They may lose concentration and get stomachaches and more frequent colds. A study done at the University of Rochester Medical Center found that children whose families are under stress experience more fevers. But MSN Kids' Health & Fitness suggests starting with yourself, and working your way down to fine some concrete ways to help them—and you—get a grip.

1. Troubleshoot your own stress

Eight out of 10 Americans say the economy is a significant source of stress in their lives, according to an American Psychological Association survey. Those fears can spread to our kids. "Children turn to parents in order to get a sense of what's going to happen," says Deborah Belle, director of the human-development doctoral program at Boston University. Taking a time out, whether it's a walk or a long hot bath, will calm you down and offer an example of a healthy reaction to stress. Put off difficult conversations with your spouse until after your kids have gone to bed.

2. Be firm about activity-overload

Kids are way overbooked these days. "I met with the family of an 11-year-old who was in a dozen different activities," says Dr. Goldstein. "She wasn't sleeping, her nails were bitten, and she was wetting her bed." When he recommended that she drop some of the activities, her parents protested that she loved them all. But parents have to make the decision of what's best. His rule of thumb: "One sport, one other activity, plus any religious education your child may be taking."

3. Bump bedtime up by half an hour

A 2006 National Sleep Foundation poll found that children hit the sheets about 30 minutes past their official bedtime. Plus, they may need much more sleep than you think, says Jodi Mindell, Ph.D., associate director of the sleep center at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. Preschoolers need 11 to 13 hours a night, 5- to 12-year-olds require 9 to 11 hours, and kids 13 and up need about 8 1/2 to 9 1/2 hours. If there's a TV in your child's room, yank it, says Dr. Mindell. "The light suppresses production of relaxing melatonin and makes them less sleepy."

4. Encourage kids to move more

Children in America are exercising less than ever before. This inactivity decreases production of the hormones that help regulate stress. If your children don't play team sports or run around outside with friends, institute family activities such as an after-dinner walk or a weekend bike ride.

And just think what a little more sleep for yourself, and a little more activity with your kids could do for your own stress level? Can we say LOWER??

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

What's the difference between getting further into debt, and living a life of wealth? Not as much as you might think.

Jean Chatzky is one woman who believes, even in the toughest economic times (as all of us are experiencing; some more than others) that anyone can prosper…if they possess key traits and abilities that will set them apart. She calls these traits, and her new book, The Difference, and describes how you can go from the person who lives paycheck to paycheck to the person who lives in comfort.

Do you have The Difference? And, if not—how can you get it? Jean shares the eight things that matter most to help you become financially free.

Happiness and Optimism

Some people believe money leads to happiness. Not true. Once you're living comfortably, more money doesn't buy more happiness. The reverse, however, is true: Happiness leads to money. And success. Likewise, so does optimism. Both empower you to solve problems, create new ideas, take long-range consequences into consideration and come back to try again if you miss the first time.

Resilience

People who have moved from a bad financial situation into comfort or wealth have resilience. They can overcome—on the job, in their personal lives, with their finances. They don't deny the bad things that happen, but they're able to turn their focus to things over which they have control with the belief that they have the ability to effect change. The good news is you don't have to be born with resilience—you can learn it by controlling the things you can control and letting go of the others.

Connectedness 

Ever heard of social capital? It's the asset created when relationships between people change in ways that lead to action, generally for good. It's an important component of The Difference, and the wealthy and financially comfortable not only have more of it than people living paycheck to paycheck, they know how to use it. They cast a wider net, socializing with neighbors, co-workers, people who can help them advance financially or in their careers. To get your share of social capital, you have to make time for people and put yourself forward as a leader.

Passion

This is a key element that moves people from a life of financial struggle to one of financial success. The wealthy, simply put, want it more than the rest of that. Some want it in the form of money, but most are quite passionate about the careers they choose to pursue. And, at a time where doing what you love may not seem possible, it's important to know you can learn to love what you're doing- right here, and right now.

Intuition

Over the years, your brain has scored up scads of patterns, information that tells you that if one thing happens, something else is likely to follow. We feel these signals in our gut—and we call them hunches. They are really our intuition, a sixth sense that is more developed in the wealthy than in anyone else. You can learn to bring yours forward by adopting strategies like giving your intuition a little room to breathe: Jean herself says she has the best moments of "enlightenment" when she's not searching for them.

Make savings your new, "got to" habit

The wealthy people in Chatzky's study certainly have the funds to be crazy spenders, but most aren't. Both wealthy and financially comfortable individuals say that saving more money has been an "absolutely essential" financial goal as an adult.

Invest in stocks

Jean did the research for The Difference when housing prices were cratering and the markets were falling out of the sky. Yet, one lesson emerged again and again: The wealthy understand the need to take risks in the market—in good times and in bad—in order to make their money work as hard as they do.

Gratitude

The Karma Kickback. The people who get rich—and stay rich—are not just grateful. They practice gratitude by giving back to their communities, to organizations they believe in and the people they care about. (Your place of worship may call it 'tithing.') Even if you are thinking of something you view as mundane—like your job—when you think about it as a gift, you focus on what life might be if you didn't have it.

Can you see The Difference in your life today? Tomorrow? As long as you see it, you'll live it.

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

Worried? Many of us are. Tired of it? You bet. Here's how to cope.

Money worries...you're sick of it! We all are, to whatever degree: whether it's the stress of not enough of your own money, a family member's troubles, or simply feeling the heartache of sympathy for so many in our country today struggling to make ends meet- it's hard, and there is a name for it: money anxiety disorder- the latest American epidemic (the acronym, conveniently, would be MAD.)

According to a survey in October by the American Psychological Association, 80 percent of us find the recent financial crisis a significant cause of stress—up from 66 percent last April—and women are bearing the brunt of the worry, reporting greater concern over job stability and health problems affecting their families, for example, than men are. "Money is a safety net, as in, 'I may not be able to count on people, but I can count on my cash,'" says the APA's public education coordinator for Pennsylvania, David Palmiter, PhD. "Now the thinking's gone to: 'There's nothing between me and the abyss.'"

You can find plenty of advice from financial experts on how to cope. But what about the pervasive sense of panic, which can take a serious toll on health, putting you at higher risk for a host of ailments from high blood pressure to heart disease. Science has shown that exercise and meditation are two of the most effective ways to reduce stress—but you probably already know that, and likely feel too pressured to try either. Oprah.com asked a few experts for other strategies you might not have considered.

Try hypnosis:

For years people have turned to hypnosis for help quitting smoking and losing weight, but the technique is also becoming popular among business types desperate to overcome financial stress, according to a November report in The Wall Street Journal. Generally, in hypnosis, a therapist uses verbal cues to put clients into a deeply relaxed state, where they become absorbed in their inner thoughts, then offers suggestions to shift an attitude so they can better tackle a problem. In this case, the suggestions might be "Money is energy that comes and goes" or "Your net worth doesn't equal your personal worth," to deflect the paralysis and insecurity that financial panic can cause. Ideally, clients learn the process on their own.

"Hypnosis is very similar to meditation," explains Dwight Damon, president of the National Guild of Hypnotists, who recommends trying a professional session before using the method on yourself. "While it won't make you richer, it will help you handle, and feel better about, the money you do have."

Treat yourself- NOW??

Yes! To lower financial stress, set a budget for each day and reward yourself, suggests Alvin Hall, a financial commentator on BBC TV and radio and author of You and Your Money: Mastering the Emotions Behind the Numbers. "Ask yourself: 'What is the one thing I can do that will give me the longest-lasting uplift for the least amount of money?'" During the economic downturn of 1987, Hall's treat was blackberry pie. "I'd think about it all day, and if I came in under my budget," he says, "I'd go order a slice. When I couldn't afford that, I'd visit the museum and look at Van Gogh paintings."

Become a manicurist for a friend.

Or exchange massages with your partner. According to Robert Sapolsky, PhD, professor of neurology and neurological sciences at Stanford University, who has studied wild baboons for 30 years, primates groom each other to reduce stress—and the effect seems to be more powerful for the one who is doing the primping.

Take up knitting...and you might come up with a blanket!

According to research at the Harvard-affiliated Benson-Henry Institute for Mind Body Medicine, the repetitive motion and focus of needlework can elicit what's known as the relaxation response—a calming meditation-like state that slows heart rate and causes blood pressure to drop. In addition, a study published in the Journal of the American Geriatrics Society suggests that knitting is associated with a lower risk of dementia for those 65 and older.

See a bigger picture, or that forest through the trees.

During the Great Depression, "stress took the form of personal shame," according to historian David M. Kennedy, Pulitzer Prize–winning author of Freedom from Fear: The American People in Depression and War, 1929–1945. His own father, he says, had "what we would call a nervous breakdown." Kennedy observes that a much healthier and more resilient attitude for our times is: "Taking some responsibility but seeing this downturn more as a systemic failure and not a personal one."

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

Me? A liar? Could be- here's the truth.

Most of us say we value the truth. And sure enough, telling the truth is one of the first lessons parents work to instill in their young ones. Time and time again, public-opinion polls show that honesty is among the top five characteristics we want in a leader, friend, or lover; the world is full of woeful stories about the tragic consequences of betrayal. At the same time, deception is all around us. Public figures lie to a disturbing degree; many of our social relationships are based on little white lies we tell each other, and sometimes our children, only to be deceived by them in return. The average person, says psychologist Robert Feldman, the author of a new book on lying, tells at least three lies in the first 10 minutes of a conversation. "There's always been a lot of lying," says Feldman, in his new book, The Liar in Your Life. "But I do think we're seeing a kind of cultural shift where we're lying more, it's easier to lie, and in some ways it's almost more acceptable." Newsweek brings the truth to light.

As Paul Ekman, one of Feldman's longtime lying colleagues and the inspiration behind the Fox TV series "Lie To Me," defines it, a liar is a person who "intends to mislead," "deliberately," without being asked to do so by the target of the lie. Which doesn't mean that all lies are equally toxic: some are simply habitual—"My pleasure!"—while others might be altruistic. But each, Feldman argues, is harmful, because of the standard it creates. And the more lies we tell, even if they're little white lies, the more deceptive we and society become.

We are a culture of liars, it seems, and our deceit is so deeply ingrained in our psyches that we hardly even notice we're engaging in it. Spam e-mail, deceptive advertising, the everyday pleasantries we don't really mean—"It's so great to meet you!" "I love that dress"—have, as Feldman puts it, become "an omnipresent white noise we've learned to tune out." And Feldman also argues that cheating is more common today than ever. The Josephson Institute, a nonprofit focused on youth ethics, concluded in a 2008 survey of nearly 30,000 high school students that "cheating in school continues to be rampant, and it's getting worse." In that survey, 64 percent of students said they'd cheated on a test during the past year, up from 60 percent in 2006. Another recent survey, by Junior Achievement, revealed that more than a third of teens believe lying, cheating, or plagiarizing can be necessary to succeed, while a brand-new study, commissioned by the publishers of Feldman's book, shows that 18- to 34-year-olds—those of us fully reared in this lying culture—deceive more frequently than the general population.

So, sounds like we're a bunch of liars, doesn't it? Yet, almost amusingly (I did say almost), is that while we admit to lying, studies show that most of us believe we can tell when others are lying to us. And while lying may be easy, spotting a liar is far from it. A nervous sweat or shifty eyes can certainly mean a person's uncomfortable, but it doesn't necessarily mean they're lying. Gaze aversion, meanwhile, has more to do with shyness than actual deception. Even polygraph machines are unreliable. And according to one study, by researcher Bella DePaulo, we're only able to differentiate a lie from truth only 47 percent of the time, less than if we guessed randomly. "Basically everything we've heard about catching a liar is wrong," says Feldman, who heads the College of Social and Behavioral Sciences at the University of Massachusetts, Amherst.

Ekman, meanwhile, has spent decades studying micro-facial expressions of liars: the split-second eyebrow arch that shows surprise when a spouse asks who was on the phone; the furrowed nose that gives away a hint of disgust when a person says "I love you." He's trained everyone from the Secret Service to the TSA, and believes that with close study, it's possible to identify those tiny emoticons, or micro expressions. One of Ekman's colleagues, Maureen O'Sullivan, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of San Francisco, says, "Micro expressions are fleeting facial expressions that occur when some people try to repress or suppress an emotion. If they are unable to do so completely, the emotion may flash onto the face very rapidly, sometimes for as short a time as 1/125th of a second."

A micro expression suggests that someone may be trying to conceal an emotion. Your recognition of the micro expression tells you what that emotion is, as long as you're correct. Here's the final trick in our puzzle of deception: the emotion may or may not be related to a lie.

So just where does this leave us in determining a liar in our midst? How about bringing that beautiful Golden Rule into play? Treat others as you would have them treat you. Do your best to not lie, and trust those around you. It sure would be great to get that back, wouldn't it?

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.

All the single ladies? All the single men, too. Lots of singles- but do they want to stay that way?

Attention singles. If you feel like you can’t find someone who wants to settle down, you’re right! According to experts, single folks are now in the majority. 51% of the households in America are filled with unmarried people. Add to that, Stephen Mason, PhD, recently wrote in Psychology Today about filling in for a colleague in leading a psychotherapy group called Living Life as a Long-Time Single. Mason says the group that turned out that evening was evenly divided between males and females and their ages varied enough to make it a well-rounded group of people. That being the case, he was "blown away by the response to my very first question. When I asked how many would willingly trade 'singledom' for 'coupledom' they were unanimous in wanting to switch." There was, of course, the requirement that the Significant Other should be a real sweetheart, great catch, etc., but Mason says it still came down to the fact that nobody in the room was there by choice. In the best of worlds, they would all have been home with Mr/Ms Right. So here are the answers to 3 questions about why people stay single. And how they can find someone who wants to commit. These come from Jillian Straus, author of the book Unhooked Generation.

• Question #1: Why is it so hard for people to settle down? Straus says the biggest reason people are scared to commit is because they don’t want their marriage to fail. Today’s singles are the first generation to be heavily affected by the rise in divorce – which boomed in the 70s and 80s. Prior to that, divorce was still considered shameful. 
• Question #2: How can people be more positive about committing? Straus says people need to stop thinking “Am I missing out on someone better?” Trends like internet dating let singles connect with tons of potential mates, so they’re always left wondering if there’s something better out there. But the grass is never greener on the other side of the fence. When you get to the other side, and see it up close, you see that someone else’s lawn has the same weeds and bald spots yours does. The lesson is to appreciate what you’ve got, instead of dreaming of what you don’t have. So if the person you’re dating meets 8 out of 10 requirements on your list – stick with them. You’ll never find someone who gets 10 out of 10. Also, would you want to be judged as harshly as you’re judging others? Probably not. If you want to be loved “warts and all” – you have to do the same.

So how can you get a relationship off on the right footing? You have to let potential mates know exactly what you want; people aren’t mind readers. Relationships are about communication, and if you can’t speak your mind early on, you’re going to have a hard time in any serious relationship. So, if you want to have Mexican food for dinner, but you answer ‘I don’t care’ when your date asks where you want to eat, don’t get upset if you end up at an Italian restaurant.  You do care; saying you have no preference isn't putting a real you out in front. David Steele, author of Conscious Dating, says that people put more effort into buying a car than selecting a mate. When they do meet someone, they make impulsive decisions based on desperation, or fleeting feelings. So, here are his tips on how to stop hoping for love, and become a conscious dater who’s actively looking for it:

• First, know who you are and what you want. Think of yourself as an iceberg. The “everyday” you is the part that sticks up out of the water. And the real you is the 90 percent that’s hidden from view. So, sit down with a piece of paper, and ask your hidden self a few questions. Like, what new places, activities, and experiences would you like to try? And where do you see yourself 5 years from now in work, family, and fun? That’s the person you should be selling to the world, and the person who really does have a preference between Mexican or Italian food for dinner.
  
• Then, become the partner you’re looking for. Grab your “wish list,” pick an activity, and make plans to do it. Whether it’s trying spicy Indian food, bungee jumping off a bridge, or sitting under a waterfall on a tropical island. If you do what you love, you’re more likely to run into someone who loves it, too. And voilà – an instant connection!
• Strengthen your relationship skills with your family, friends, and co-workers. Bottom line: The better you are at relationships in general, the better you’ll be at creating - and holding onto - a relationship when you finally meet “The One", or...maybe being single won't feel so much like a void in your life when these relationships become stronger.

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Check out the new John Tesh Social Network. You can connect with new friends, post your own blog, visit various forums, upload your favorite John Tesh music and share your photos.  To learn more about how to join, click here.