Keep Your Kid's Mind on Good Table Manners

How much time do you focus on your manners?  A group of 25 boys from an elementary school in Compton, CA practice etiquette every Tuesday after school.  Given a chance to "show off" their good manners, seven of the students were recently rewarded with a special dinner at Lawry's The Prime Rib restaurant in Beverly Hills.

How important are manners? Are we losing the ability to practice etiquette in a world where it may not be as important as it once was?

Parents, here are some tips on how to get your kids to have better table manners:

•Talk to your child about the importance of table manners.  Communicate to your child that part of growing up in your household is to possess good manners.  Set realistic expectations and reinforce them until they become a habit.

•Start off by teaching the basics of table manners. Kids are to wash their hands before coming to the table. Eating utensils are not be used as musical instruments or "play weapons". Unless given permission with certain foods, they're never to use their fingers to eat. If your child wants to speak, he must finish chewing, swallow and then speak his turn.   

Encourage your kids to say "please" and "thank you" while at the table.  No elbows allowed on the table while eating. Children are to ask to be excused when leaving the table.  Make it a habit for the kids to help Mom clear the dishes from the table to the sink or counter.  As the kids get older, they can help wash or dry the dishes, place them in the dishwater and return them to the shelves.

•Rehearse and practice table manners with your kids.  Parents, you may have to show your child how to hold a fork and how to cut his meat with a knife.  Once finished with a knife, the utensil is never to touch the table again. Rather, the knife is to go on the plate.

Try to make it clear that the dinner table is for dining only. It is not a resting place for hats, toys, trading cards, candy or keys.

Show a child how to place a napkin in his lap and to use it to dab, not wipe his face. If they leave the table, the used napkin is not to be thrown on the table in a crumpled heap, but left on the chair.  Remind your child not to lean back and tip his chair and take a chance of the chair slipping.

In front of the child, offer positive comments on the cooking, so he too will learn to offer encouraging words about Mom's cooking. Show your kids how to pull out a seat for a guest. Practice passing food . . ask for something rather than reach across the table to get it.  While sitting at the table, children are to sit up straight and not slouch or sit on one or both feet folded under their bottom. 

•When bad manners rear their ugly head, there are several ways to handle the problem. Some parents ignore obnoxious behavior and fail to give it any attention even if the child's bad manners are disturbing others.  If the child is looking for attention and does not get it, then this approach may work.

In most cases the child needs to know she will not get what she wants by misbehaving. If she asks for seconds and does not say "please," don't give her seconds until she says "please." Some parents will remove the child from the table to make it clear their behavior is not acceptable and that sitting at the dinner table is a privilege.

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

In my book, Intelligence For Your Life: Powerful Lessons For Personal Growth, I have included many helpful tips on parenting for both new and seasoned parents. You can purchase a copy of my book at your favorite bookstore or online at Amazon.com and  Barnes and Noble.

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