The John Tesh Blog

No, it's not the end of the world...it's just DATING.

When it comes to your love life, do you wish there was a rule book? Sorry- I wasn't about to offer one- it doesn't really exist (love our individualism, right??), but eHarmony Advice has been around the block, so to speak, and offers a few hard and fast guidelines that should smooth your dating sails a bit with some dos and don'ts:

Rule #1: Listen to Your Gut

Whether you’re on a date, communicating with someone you meet online, or flirting with a cutie you meet in person, it’s important to pay attention and listen to your gut. If a potential date’s actions or words set off an internal alarm system, you owe it to yourself to pay attention and act accordingly. These alarms can be both good and bad. For example, how about if you’ve met someone online and they seem interesting- enough to talk on the phone, right? But then you talk to them on the phone and they sound completely different (in a negative way)- you may decide not to meet them in person. A positive example would be if you were on a date with someone and they seemed nervous but well intentioned, your gut might tell you to give them a second chance. By going on a second date, you’ll gain a better understanding of who they really are and if you’d like to see them again.

Rule #2: Pay Attention to Red Flags

Like those internal alarms that alert you to your gut feelings, you also have an alarm system to alert you to red flags. Sometimes this alarm system is turned way down. As a result, we often ignore red flags and find ourselves getting involved with inappropriate partners because we’re not paying attention. Wrong move- you owe it to yourself to become a red flag specialist- especially on a date. An example of a red flag would be if you found yourself on a date with someone who could not stop talking about their ex. They may be a fantastic person, and eventually make a great partner, but right now they’re not ready. Your job is to pay attention to that red flag and not pursue them.

Rule #3: Actions Speak Louder Than Words

During the course of your dating life you'll most likely find yourself on a date with someone whose actions speak much louder than their words. Maybe they’re attentive and chivalrous to you, but treat the waiter, bartender, and/or valet poorly. Or maybe they claim they’re ready for a long-term relationship, but their wandering eye tells you otherwise. To get the most out of your dating life, it’s important to understand that actions speak louder than words. When someone’s actions are contrary to their words, this is not only a red flag, it’s gut-check time. By paying attention and screening out potential partners whose actions don’t match their words, you cut down on wasted dating time and make it that much easier to attract potential partners worth your time and energy.

Rule #4: Don’t Play Games

Successful singles know what goes around comes around. They also know the importance of being honest and well-intentioned with the people they date. As a successful single, you owe it to yourself and the individuals you date not to play games. Call when you say you’re going to call. Do what you say you’re going to do, and be honest when the other person asks if you’d like to go out again. If you don’t want to see them again, say so in a kind and considerate way. By being honest and letting them down easy, you avoid playing games. Expect the same in return. If you don’t get it, don’t play games by taking that out on the next person you date.

Rule #5: Know When to Say “Game Over”

Just as you should not play dating games, you will want to avoid getting played. Like it or not, there are plenty of players on the dating scene. It’s up to you to know the signs of the player, know their game, and be confident enough to say “game over.” Here’s where that all important "gut-check" pays off- know how to spot a player. A little too charming? A little too self-deprecating? A player wants to engage you in the game. So call it for what it is, and instead of falling for their tactics, simply smile, say “game over,” and walk (better yet, run!) away.

So sorry- it's impossible to make one rulebook to match every individual, but that doe seasoned pros who have seen a thing or two in their day, does it? Of course not! And if you can find dating to be a more enjoyable experience, on the whole, by listening to your gut, paying attention to red flags, and understanding that actions speak louder than words, you cut down on wasted dating time...which could translate to relationship success.

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

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Think about putting "spectacular marriage" on your Christmas list this year!

Spectacular? Oh, yes (I must be on a 'spectacular' kick...talked about spectacular, and eco-friendly Christmas decorations yesterday!) It sure is a powerful word, but no more so than the negativity that can turn a relationship sour. Redbook's Nicole Yorio opens the door to 4 spectacularly easy ways to make an amazing marriage with love moves that will bring the two of you closer than ever...just in time for the holidays!

What do couples who describe their marriages as spectacular do differently than those who describe their marriages as simply so-so? The differences are quite small, actually. "When we look at happy couples, we see that great marriages are not the result of hours of hard work," says relationship researcher Terri L. Orbuch, Ph.D., who followed 373 couples for over 22 years as part of a marriage study funded by the National Institutes of Health. "It's the small changes in behavior and attitude that can transform your relationship." In her new book, 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great, Orbuch shares the steps you can take to marital greatness.

1. Understand Each Other's Needs
"The main reason marriages break up is not conflict, communication problems, or intimacy incompatibility," Orbuch says. "It's frustration — the day-to-day disappointment of the gap between what you expect and how your partner acts — that is most damaging." To diffuse that frustration, share your expectations with each other. Maybe your wife desires more affection and you crave more relaxed couple time- that spells time for compromise, and taking turns (see? those sandbox moments still hold true for an adult!) "And be sure to check in with your partner once a year, as added pressures or life changes can create new expectations," Orbuch says.

2. Show Him Some Love
Husbands whose wives give them affirmation — those words and gestures that show they are appreciated, respected, and loved — are twice as likely to describe themselves as happily married. And men may need affirmation more than women, Orbuch's research showed. "Women are constantly receiving flattery from friends and even strangers who say, 'Love your outfit!'" she says. "But men don't get that recognition." Can you imagine a passerby stopping your husband to compliment him on how well his tie matches his shirt? Not gonna happen — which is why men rely on that attention from their wives. Luckily, there's another payoff to your flattery: He's more likely to return those loving deeds back to you.

3. Take 10
A weekly date night is always recommended as a way to reconnect, but sometimes all you need is a few minutes. "I call this the 10-Minute Rule: Take 10 minutes a day to talk about anything — except for kids, responsibilities, or chores," Orbuch says. Throw out Mom's old advice about how an air of mystery keeps the flame alive: Orbuch's research showed that 98 percent of happy couples say they intimately understand their partners. And knowing your spouse intimately isn't always about engaging in heavy conversations: Anything that helps you learn something new will bring you closer, Orbuch says. You can bond over why you think your dog is the smartest one on your block or which superpower you'd want most. You'll get to know each other's inner world and strengthen your bond of happiness.

4. Focus on the Good
The best way to make your relationship better is to work at fixing what's wrong, right? Nope. "The most effective way to boost fun and passion is to add positive elements to your marriage," Orbuch says. "That positive energy makes us feel good and motivates us to keep going in that direction." This doesn't mean that you can't feel — or talk about — anything negative, but "pretend you are weighing your interactions on a scale," she says. "If you want a happier relationship, the positive side needs to far outweigh the bad." The more you honor the love and joy in your bond, the sooner you'll transform your marriage into one that is truly great.

Happiness to you today,

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

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All the single ladies? All the single men, too. Lots of singles- but do they want to stay that way?

Attention singles. If you feel like you can’t find someone who wants to settle down, you’re right! According to experts, single folks are now in the majority. 51% of the households in America are filled with unmarried people. Add to that, Stephen Mason, PhD, recently wrote in Psychology Today about filling in for a colleague in leading a psychotherapy group called Living Life as a Long-Time Single. Mason says the group that turned out that evening was evenly divided between males and females and their ages varied enough to make it a well-rounded group of people. That being the case, he was "blown away by the response to my very first question. When I asked how many would willingly trade 'singledom' for 'coupledom' they were unanimous in wanting to switch." There was, of course, the requirement that the Significant Other should be a real sweetheart, great catch, etc., but Mason says it still came down to the fact that nobody in the room was there by choice. In the best of worlds, they would all have been home with Mr/Ms Right. So here are the answers to 3 questions about why people stay single. And how they can find someone who wants to commit. These come from Jillian Straus, author of the book Unhooked Generation.

• Question #1: Why is it so hard for people to settle down? Straus says the biggest reason people are scared to commit is because they don’t want their marriage to fail. Today’s singles are the first generation to be heavily affected by the rise in divorce – which boomed in the 70s and 80s. Prior to that, divorce was still considered shameful. 
• Question #2: How can people be more positive about committing? Straus says people need to stop thinking “Am I missing out on someone better?” Trends like internet dating let singles connect with tons of potential mates, so they’re always left wondering if there’s something better out there. But the grass is never greener on the other side of the fence. When you get to the other side, and see it up close, you see that someone else’s lawn has the same weeds and bald spots yours does. The lesson is to appreciate what you’ve got, instead of dreaming of what you don’t have. So if the person you’re dating meets 8 out of 10 requirements on your list – stick with them. You’ll never find someone who gets 10 out of 10. Also, would you want to be judged as harshly as you’re judging others? Probably not. If you want to be loved “warts and all” – you have to do the same.

So how can you get a relationship off on the right footing? You have to let potential mates know exactly what you want; people aren’t mind readers. Relationships are about communication, and if you can’t speak your mind early on, you’re going to have a hard time in any serious relationship. So, if you want to have Mexican food for dinner, but you answer ‘I don’t care’ when your date asks where you want to eat, don’t get upset if you end up at an Italian restaurant.  You do care; saying you have no preference isn't putting a real you out in front. David Steele, author of Conscious Dating, says that people put more effort into buying a car than selecting a mate. When they do meet someone, they make impulsive decisions based on desperation, or fleeting feelings. So, here are his tips on how to stop hoping for love, and become a conscious dater who’s actively looking for it:

• First, know who you are and what you want. Think of yourself as an iceberg. The “everyday” you is the part that sticks up out of the water. And the real you is the 90 percent that’s hidden from view. So, sit down with a piece of paper, and ask your hidden self a few questions. Like, what new places, activities, and experiences would you like to try? And where do you see yourself 5 years from now in work, family, and fun? That’s the person you should be selling to the world, and the person who really does have a preference between Mexican or Italian food for dinner.
  
• Then, become the partner you’re looking for. Grab your “wish list,” pick an activity, and make plans to do it. Whether it’s trying spicy Indian food, bungee jumping off a bridge, or sitting under a waterfall on a tropical island. If you do what you love, you’re more likely to run into someone who loves it, too. And voilà – an instant connection!
• Strengthen your relationship skills with your family, friends, and co-workers. Bottom line: The better you are at relationships in general, the better you’ll be at creating - and holding onto - a relationship when you finally meet “The One", or...maybe being single won't feel so much like a void in your life when these relationships become stronger.

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

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On the outs with your friend? Here's how to mend a tattered friendship.

Kids, spouses, jobs, an economic recession creating job losses (maybe your own), rising health care costs...it's been a pretty tough world out there lately, and you may notice current situations taking a toll on your closest friendship. Maybe things just aren't the way they used to be between you and your BFF. One of you may be feeling snappish, or just downright uptight when you're together. While you used to be attached at the hip, there's suddenly a wedge between you. What can you do? Irene S Levine, PhD, The Friendship Doctor at Psychology Today, offers the first steps to try.

1) Assess what's going on between you

Try to think objectively and make sure that you really want to mend the friendship. Your  latest tiff may just be a sign that the relationship has been doomed for a while. Have you simply outgrown each other? That's no one's fault. People change over time and not always in the same direction. Have the same problems recurred time after time? Maybe the bad chemistry or sense of imbalance between you has become so overwhelming that it is impossible to transcend. Or--- is it something that you think you might really be able to fix? If so, proceed to Tip 2.

2) Pinpoint what happened

If it is something you said or did, or something you didn't say or do---or if the problem was with her, talk about it. No friendship is perfect and each one has tiny kinks that need to be worked out. Communicating avoids little problems from escalating into big ones that can undermine a relationship.

3) Be the first to offer the olive branch

If you know you were in the wrong, take responsibility for your mistake. Tell your friend how important the relationship is to you and show her in some small but concrete way. Invite her to dinner or send her a card that says, "I'm sorry."

If she was in the wrong, practice forgiveness. (We just talked in depth about the healing you can experience through forgiving others in yesterday's post.) Harboring resentment towards someone has a way of bouncing back like a boomerang to hurt you (including raising your blood pressure). Let go of the disappointment. Having a shared history should provide a strong foundation that allows a friendship to weather small hurts.

4) Step back after you've tried

Be sensitive to her response. Okay, you've been thinking about how you were going to handle this fiasco, for hours or maybe even weeks and months. But you just sprung your thinking on her and she may need time to mull it over. If her answer is "No way," accept it for the moment, give it some time, and try again. If she repeatedly blows you off, you may have to accept her decision and move on.

5) Don't necessarily view endings as a failure.

Friendships have beginning and endings. Ones that last forever are more likely to be the topic of novels and television scripts. The women I surveyed for my book, Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend, talked about even very close friendships having "expiration dates" and "shelf lives." And sometimes women breathe a sigh of relief after an ambivalent or toxic friendship is over. 

Friendships are wonderful and life affirming. But keep in mind that just as is the case in most relationships that really mean something to us, the ones that have a chance at surviving the test of time (as well as stresses and arguments!), our friendships will not flourish being left on a shelf with no care coming from us. They require effort.  And if we're lucky, each one provides us with new wisdom so they get better and better! 

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

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Does your relationship need a tune-up?

Just like our reliable cars that get us where we need to go, day after day, sometimes our relationships are in need of a tune-up, too.  Novelist Aldous Huxley once wrote, "There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self."  Well, who wants to start with ourselves, when we can play a blame game with our closest ones? Not the way to go! And Huxley's words sum up the premise of a new book highlighted on Oprah.com by psychiatrist David D. Burns, MD, a pioneer in cognitive behavioral therapy and adjunct clinical professor emeritus at the Stanford University School of Medicine. Feeling Good, Burns' 1980 book about battling (successfully!) depression, was a best-seller. Now, based on new research involving more than 1,000 men and women and 25 years of clinical practice, he's written a sequel—Feeling Good Together: The Secret to Making Troubled Relationships Work.

"You can heal a relationship quickly and dramatically, with mind-blowing effects," Burns says. "But you must be willing to examine your own part in it and to see whether you are actually triggering the very problem you've been complaining about." Not that this is easy. We don't want to see ourselves as the cause of the problem, he says, "because it's painful—it hurts tremendously. But we need to give up blaming the other person, and to focus all our energy on changing ourselves." As extreme as it sounds, Burns insists that no matter how much at fault the other person is, you can't fix him (or her); but in a healthy relationship, once you start changing yourself, your partner will change too.

In Feeling Good Together, Burns writes about a woman who is frustrated with her husband because he won't do his share of the chores; worse, when she tries to get emotionally close to him, he pushes her away. It's a classic case of she nags, he withdraws. One day, while he is making a potato casserole, she repeatedly suggests he use a food processor. He finally snaps, "Don't be so pushy! Leave me alone."

"Does it bother you when I suggest things that may make life a bit easier?" she retorts, stomping off in a huff. But what if, as Burns advises, she had said something like "Honey, it's hard for me to hear you say I'm pushy; I know you're right, and I'm sure it's irritating. I really love you and want to hear more about how you're feeling. But you just asked me to leave you alone, and I understand if you're not in the mood to talk right now." The simple—and courageous—act of finding the truth in what her husband is saying suddenly makes the wife appear neither bossy nor annoying. This truth-seeking skill is central to improving relationships, Burns says. "It's really difficult to see things through the eyes of the other person, but when you do, it's like seeing the Grand Canyon for the first time. You wonder how you could have been missing it all these years." When the wife took Burns's advice and realized she was the one pushing her husband away, she began to cry—a breakthrough that opened the way to intimacy.

Such powerful insights are available to everyone. "If you are willing to change yourself and have a real love for your partner," says Burns, "you can both be reborn."

So, let's start with our tune up for these three pretty common issues plaguing our relationships:

Burns has developed a method called cognitive interpersonal therapy that uses specific tools for different trouble spots. Try them; if you're still at an impasse, Burns says, "it may be time to seek professional help."

1. Your partner gives you the silent treatment.

Burns suggests a technique he calls multiple-choice empathy. This involves saying something like "I notice you don't want to talk to me. Is there something you're upset about? Are you angry with me? Perhaps I haven't been a very good listener, and when you've tried to talk, I've just bossed you around. I'm really sad to realize I've probably been doing this to you." Nine times out of 10, Burns says, the other person will open up because you've taken the blame and let him or her off the hook.

2. Your partner criticizes you.

Burns recommends responding to an attack by turning the criticism on its head, a method called positive reframing. For example, if your husband says you're a control freak, instead of taking the bait, respond with a comment like "You're right; I may have a tendency to be overly controlling" and use it as an opening for discussion. "We seem to be having a conflict right now," you might say, "but as awful as it feels, I'm thinking this could be an opportunity for us to explore a deeper relationship. I love you; with that in mind, tell me more about how you're experiencing this."

3. You both want more intimacy.

Try the one-minute drill. One person starts as the Talker; the other is the Listener. The Talker (your husband, let's say) expresses anything that's on his mind for 30 seconds while you give him your full attention, without interrupting, agreeing, or disagreeing. The idea is to sharpen your listening skills, so after 30 seconds you summarize what he said and he grades your response, from 0 to 100 percent, based on how accurate it is. If the grade is below 95, he points out what you missed or got wrong and you repeat the exercise until he gives you at least a 95. Now switch roles. Almost immediately, says Burns, communication between you will improve.

Look- I, personally, know of no relationship that thrives without effort- without taking a good solid accounting once in awhile to make sure you and your loved ones are where you want to be.  It doesn't have to be horrible, hard work, but it can't be ignored. The tune-ups for our relationships are as important as regular check-ups with your doctor...and way more significant than the tune-up to your car!

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

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Everyone feels the impact of a layoff- especially a wife.

Getting laid off is a highly stressful event, and not just for the person losing their job, but for the entire family. According to an article in Time magazine, wives really feel the  impact. Take Sarah Janosek, a 47-year-old hospice nurse and mother of three in Austin. Her husband, a software engineer, was laid off earlier this year. She says when she first heard the news, it was devastating. Like many wives who work, Janosek brought in about one-third of the family’s income. Now, she was the sole breadwinner. She was able to increase her work hours, and her husband got a little contract work — but she says it’s hardly solved the problem, and she’s still angry about it.

Recent data shows that more than two million American women are married to someone who’s been handed a pink slip during this recession. Compare that to the 1.4 million women who’ve lost a job, and it seems that the majority of women are battling the recession not as a laid-off worker - but as the spouse of one. In the last year, over 71% of layoffs fell to men.  Alan Pickman is a psychologist and author of The Complete Guide to Outplacement Counseling. He says a wife’s response to her husband’s lay-off may be even more intense than his. That’s because often, wives feel powerless — both about the job loss as well as the family’s future. She can’t pick her husband’s next job for him – he has to get it himself.

Wives who work have a bit more control over their finances - but not much. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, not only are married women working fewer hours per week than before the recession began, but their hours are at the lowest point since 1964 - the year these numbers started being tracked. So, women are finding ways to cut the family budget. Air-conditioning is used less, trips to the movies are cut, new clothes are postponed, and family dinners are eaten at home. This all adds up to extra work for wives. For example, more home-cooked meals means more dishes to wash, and keeping worn-out clothes means more mending. So if you’re a man looking for work, just keep in mind that your wife does understand the stress you’re feeling. Probably more than you know.

Keep in mind- hard as it seems sometimes, that what you're both going through is temporary.  A husband getting back to the same kind of work he had may not be in the cards just yet; in fact, it may still be some time before he is back to work at all, but keep in mind that you are a team, which absolutely requires working together FOR one another, and not against.

Believing in one another, and your future prospects, is always an option; despair takes up way too much room in our hearts.  Have a great weekend- 

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

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Today's Top Traits of a Real Man

Let's try to settle this once and for all.  What does it take to be a real man?  

Some of the traits of a real man, according to several websites, are merely jobs that women don't like doing - reading a map, opening obstinate jars, getting rid of spiders and mice, lighting a barbecue, hanging a picture, telling the repairman what to do or carrying heavy suitcases. While these are tasks that a man should help his wife with, there are other important traits that I don't want to miss in defining manliness.

•A good man knows when to be assertive and when to be a gentleman.  You can tell a lot about a man by the way he treats other people on the road.  A driver who has to always be the first one to reach a red light, won't allow anyone to enter his lane or give a car an opportunity to enter the lane from a driveway is an "out-for-himself" individual.  A man with manners will go out of his way to be helpful to others.

•A good man demonstrates strength in many ways. Life is filled with disappointments and imperfections.  We experience sickness, job loss, financial setbacks and really bad days. A man needs to know when to stop complaining and moaning about his life.  With his health, a man with strength knows that he doesn't need to see a doctor every time he sneezes. He's responsible and accepts responsibility for his actions and decisions.  

•A good man places a high value on his family.   A man who deeply cares for his chldren will exercise discipline, set rules and run his family according to his own values and not according to what others are saying or doing.  A family man communicates to his household that he can be depended on to have strong beliefs about himself, God, his country and his need to help others. 

•A good man is supportive to a woman.  Men who are there for a woman in her time of need are capable of wonderful relationship. A man should not mind tears on his shoulders and be able to listen to a woman's heart.  Be a man who allows a woman to go first. Hold open doors for her. Pull back her chair when she is seated.  Even stand when a woman enters a room to show respect. A man should never allow his wife to be the sole breadwinner of the family.  He does whatever he needs to do to work and "bring home the bacon" and does not stay at home waiting for "his ship to come in."
 

•A good man has not lost his sense of humor. As a man you should be able to make a woman laugh. You can't always be dead serious.  A woman needs to depend on her man to bring her up on a down day.  However, don't use humor to irritate her when she's depressed.  Know the moments when humor is not appropriate and when it is. 

•A good man cares about his appearance.  Your appearance gives off a message to a woman that you are committed to a healthy or unhealthy lifestyle.  It's all very simple - take showers, exercise, shave, brush your teeth, wear deodorant and keep your shoes shined.  If you have no idea about buying clothes, bring a girlfriend or your wife with you to give you hints on what you'd look good in. 

•A good man is aware of his body language.  Check how you walk.  Are you slouching? Do you walk tall or do you look at the ground when you walk?   You should come off upbeat and confident, but not full of yourself.   Don't slouch when you sit in a chair.  Be sure you always maintain eye contact when conversing with another person. This shows you're listening and you feel comfortable. 

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

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More Health Threats To Men

Regarding their health, men are at a higher risk than women.  Why? Men feel if they're working and productive, their health is fine. Yet men often ignore the areas where their health is at risk:

•Depression and Suicide:  Men Are Right At the Edge

The Los Angeles Times reported a father who killed his entire family because the current economic crisis was affecting his finances. Depression in men is more than a bad mood but an emotional disturbance that affects a man's overall health.

Rather than expressing sadness, men get angry or aggressive. Men are also less likely to seek help for depression, but can choose to start drinking to deal with inward pain.

Women may attempt suicide more than men, but men are more successful at completing it.  However, most men respond well to depression treatment with medications, therapy or both.

•Diabetes: The Silent Health Threat

Diabetes starts off very silent, symptomless.  Over years, blood sugar levels creep higher,  eventually showing up in the urine. 

Excess sugar or glucose acts like a slow poison on the blood vessels and nerves in the body. Men with diabetes can experience anything from heart attacks, strokes, blindness, kidney failure and even amputations.

Being overweight and obesity are likely to be feeding the diabetes epidemic among men.  To prevent type 2 diabetes, exercise combined with a healthy diet can make all the difference. In addition,  30 minutes a day of physical activity can reduce the chances of getting diabetes by more than 50 percent. 

•Erectile Dysfunction: A Common Problem with Men

Though ED is not life threatening, it serves as an indicator of a health problem. Two-thirds of men older than 70 and up to 39 percent of 40 year-old men have problems with ED.  Having this problem can lead to depression.  

ED can be caused by atherosclerosis - the same health problem that causes heart attacks and strokes.  Actually, ED is an indicator that blood vessels throughout the body are in less than perfect condition.  

I don't need to go over the treatments since any man who watches the evening news or any sport already knows the names of the medications that "fix" the problem. However, if you have ED, you must see your physician to find out if you are dealing with more than a problem in your sex life.

Osteoporosis:  A Bone Health Risk For Men

The National Osteoporosis Organization claims that more than two million American men have this disease with another 12 million at risk.

What are the contributing factors to this health risk that causes our bones to lose their strength? 

    •Prolonged exposure to medications such as steroids, certain cancer treatments, and aluminum containing antacids.

    • Chronic disease that affects the kidneys, lungs, stomach and intestines.

    • Undiagnosed low levels of testosterone.

    •Lifestyle habits such as smoking and excessive alcohol use, low calcium intake and lack of exercise.

You can pick up on the presence of osteoporosis if you notice a loss of height, change in posture or sudden back pain.

What treatments are available for men with diminishing bone density? 

    •Identify medications that might be causing bone loss.

    •Change unhealthy habits such as smoking, excessive alcohol intake and inactivity.

    •A good intake of calcium each day to keep bones healthy.  Men over 50 need 1,200 mg of calcium daily and men under 50 need 1,000 mg of calcium daily.

    •Be sure to get adequate vitamin D. Men uner the age of 50 need 400-800 IU of vitamin D₃ daily and men age 50 and above need 800-1,000 IU of vitamin D₃ daily.  This type of vitamin D best supports bone health. 

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

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Health Threats To Men

According to WebMD, women are healthier than men. Out of the 15 leading causes of death, American men lead women in all categories except Alzheimer's disease, and that's only because men don't live long enough to develop this disease. 

One of the main reasons why men have such bad health, is that they put their health last.  Most men's thinking is, if they can live up to their roles in society, then they think of themselves as healthy. 

Other factors come into play. Men go to the doctor less than women and are more likely to have a serious condition when they go visit their physician.

We men think we're healthy if we're working hard and feeling productive.  

So how do we deal with men who feel healthy but may be ready to enter a world of pain? 

Most of the health threats to men are preventable.  In today's blog and continuing tomorrow I am giving you a list of the top seven health threats to men and including tips on how to avoid them:

•Cardiovascular Disease: The Leading Health Threat To Men

Heart disease and stroke are the first and second leading causes of death worldwide, in both men and women.  And America is in the lead on the most people with cardiovascular problems.

Check out the hard facts:  One in five men and women will die from cardiovascular disease, according to the Center For Disease Control and Prevention.

Yet here's what separates the men from the women:  Studies show men's arteries develop atherosclerosis earlier than women's. Men's average age for death from cardiovascular disease is under 65.  Women normally catch up about six years later.  

What can a guy do to cut down his chances for heart disease?

    •Get your cholesterol checked, beginning at age 25 and every five years thereafter.

    •If you smoke, give it up.

    •Increase your physical activity level to 30 minutes per day, most days of the week. Exercise your heart muscle  as much as possible.

    •Eat more fruit and veggies and less saturated or trans fats.

•Lung Cancer:  Still a Ticking Threat to Men

Lung cancer is an aggressive disease and almost always metastatic.  This cancer spreads early before it is large enough to cause symptoms or even be detected on an X-ray.  By the time lung cancer is isolated, it's often advanced and difficult to cure.  Less than half of men are alive a year later after detection.

What causes lung disease?  You know the answer.  Smoking.  Tobacco causes 90 percent of all lung cancers.

Quitting smoking at any age will reduce the risk for lung cancer. However, the most preventative method to reduce lung cancer from ever happening is for men to not start smoking at all.

•Prostate Cancer:  A Leading Cancer For Men

This is one health problem men alone have to deal with. The prostate is a walnut size gland found in men that enables them to experience ejaculation.

Prostate cancer is the most common cancer in men other than skin cancer. According to WebMd, close to 200,000 men will develop prostate cancer this year in America.

The positive aspect of this ailment is that only one in 35 men diagnosed with prostate cancer will die from it. However, one in six men will be diagnosed with it,

Screening for prostate cancer is not pretty. It calls for a digital rectal exam and a blood test for prostate specific antigen (PSA). Though not all prostate cancer is fatal, with some doctors testing for its presence can lead to aggressive treatment of relatively harmless cancers.  Men end up with unnecessary problems like impotence and incontinence.

I've got a lot more to say about the threats to men's health in tomorrow's blog.

John

Email John:  johnsblog@teshmedia.com

Be sure to visit the brand-new John Tesh Store to purchase his latest music and other great Tesh products.

To go to the Official John Tesh Store, click here.  You can also place an order by phone by calling 877-MUSIC77 [877-687-4277]. The store will be open to place orders from 9am - 12am Monday Thru Thursdays, 9am - 8pm Fridays EST.

Does Soy Cause Men To Lose Their Masculinity?

I was at Starbucks ordering a Soy Chai Tea. A woman toting a baby stroller gave me a stern look and warned, "Don't you know that drinking soy affects your masculinity?" 

I quickly grabbed my laptop and started googling "soy and loss of masculinity."  All kinds of  thoughts went through my head, "Will I get sudden urges to spend hours every day mall shopping?  Will my male anatomy start transforming? Will I never see enough of Desperate Housewives?" 

Here's the major issue I discovered: Soy is loaded with isoflavones, substances that mimic the effects of the female estrogen. 

According to a recent MSNBC report, "eating a half serving of soy-based food could be enough to significantly lower a man's sperm count, according to U.S. researchers."   For some men, that's a valid reason to start worrying. 

The MSNBC report continues, "The conclusion from consuming soy - a plant form of the female sex hormone estrone known as phytoestrogen, which is plentiful in soy based foods, is that men who consume high amounts had a lower sperm count compared to those who did not consume soy foods."

Look on the bright side. Drinking and eating nothing but soy products could replace the need for vasectomies!

However, these studies soon proved to be limited in their results. Further research shows there's a stronger association between soy foods and a lower sperm count in overweight men. Why?  Men who are overweight have a tendency to have higher levels of androgen-produced estrogen.

According to SoyQuick, Asian countries where soy foods are consumed regularly, do not seem to be having any population growth issues. 

The same conclusions were reached in a study at University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill - mega doses of soy were given to male subjects.  The researchers took the doses up to 30 times what you could take from normal foods. It was observed that nothing serious interfered with normal male sexual identity such as breast enlargement or testicular shrinkage.

Rather, soy is a rich source of high quality protein and contains complex carbohydrates along with folic acid, fiber, healthy fat and antioxidants that help protect against invasion of cancer. Soy can also act as a probiotic and promote growth of heathy bacteria in the gastrointestinal tract. 

Here's one positive piece of advice for men concerned with the feminization of males due to soy products:  the effects of isoflavones decreases the risk of localized prostate cancer, but it can increase the risk of advanced prostate cancer.

In fact, researchers say that the protective effect of isoflavone-rich food was strongest in men who are older than 60; the more isolflavones they consumed, the more they reduced  their risk of contracting localized prostate cancer.

To the lady with the stroller feeding soy milk to her male infant, my masculinity is doing just fine. But thanks for your concern. Perhaps you've helped ease the worries of  millions of men across America concerned about this problem.

 John
Email John:   johnsblog@teshmedia.com

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